PLEASE tell me what to do next?
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
hummingbird, well done, and it's great that it's both of you standing up to him. He's going to kick and scream, and possibly push the boundaries to see how much he can get away with so it's important for you both to stand your ground. If he gets abusive, make sure there's a consequence, like making his own way to college.
It would be a blessing for you if he stays in his apartment for a while and give you a break. What a privileged young man he is; there are so many people who would take his opportunities with gratitude and thanks.
It would be a blessing for you if he stays in his apartment for a while and give you a break. What a privileged young man he is; there are so many people who would take his opportunities with gratitude and thanks.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good job! One suggestion--you put this in terms of your not wanting to enable him. If you have this discussion again (and you will--trust me), put it in terms of what YOU find acceptable in YOUR home, not what will "help" him. Because he will turn it around just the way he did last night and tell you he doesn't want/need that kind of help. Keep it in terms of YOUR boundaries rather than what will be "best" for him. It's your house, he's legally an adult, and you aren't obligated to provide space in your home to him. So if he wants to live there, that's how it's going to be.
Glad you got your husband on the same page. This is next to impossible to accomplish without his cooperation.
Glad you got your husband on the same page. This is next to impossible to accomplish without his cooperation.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
Heh. Lots of kids live on college campuses without cars. He'll be just fine whether he likes it or not. It's up to him whether or not to implode, mama. You did the right thing for yourself, which is the right thing for him too.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Hummingbird....I had to draw the same kinds of boundaries with my son...so, I know how difficult that was to do. Also, I know how difficult it is to process one's own feelings that can follow in the aftermath. I only wish that I had known to do it sooner.
Be prepared that he will attempt to challenge the boundaries in every way that he can.
I certainly commend you for having the courage to do what you have to do.
dandylion
Be prepared that he will attempt to challenge the boundaries in every way that he can.
I certainly commend you for having the courage to do what you have to do.
dandylion
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