redatlanta

Yeah it was passive aggressive. That never ends well.

Forgetting V day is not as simple as "just about him forgetting" - because its a holiday for everyone male and female. Why didn't you call earlier in the day and wish him happy Valentines? It sounds like you waited until the day was over, probably got madder with each passing hour, then sent him the text.

I don't know if his truck was really vandalized, perhaps it was. Lets say it was. If I received a baited text on top of that which was really blaming me for a shared holiday I think I probably would have responded the same. Chicken or the egg here - why was it all his responsibility to call first? Then you say "your truck is in a locked yard funny it would get vandalized there" - another PA moment whereby in a round about way you say "You are lying".

And perhaps he is lying, have you had issues with him lying? I read through a couple of your threads. You have described this person as being a dry drunk, manipulative, controlling, passive aggressive, selfish. Not acknowledging V Day would be par for the course with this person don't you think? Maybe you are trying to make chicken salad out of chicken sh!t.

What I do know is you deserve better and you deserve to be with someone who doesn't play games. This guy does. He doesn't sound like a nice person. He seems to cause you an awful lot of stress. Maybe you should look deeply into his last message of "lose my number". Sounds to me like that might be the nicest thing he has ever said.

gleefan

Earthworm, I can relate to this so much and I think the range of responses to your post are extremely helpful to me.

I know what my true feelings/opinions are, and I am working hard to clearly and unequivocally state them. When I do it, I run into the walls that my husband puts up - he ignores what I say. Changes the subject. Moves on.

In recovery, I am trying to accept his response. It reveals who he truly is. I can base my decision of whether he is an appropriate partner for me based on who he shows himself to be.

I find that feedback I receive on SR varies from supportive hugs to honest feedback whether I'm staying on the beam.

Thanks for starting this conversation Earthworm. It's helping me untangle the mess of feelings I have today.

kudzujean

This is a keeper!

AnvilheadII

AnvilheadII

It's very easy to say work with what you have when what you have is obviously working. Maybe your Valentine's Day wasn't epic, but you had peace with a loved one. A simple dinner and some simple recognition is waaaaay more than many of could dream about. obviously you're not making the choice to leave. It's not like changing your undies.

have you considered what I had to go thru to GET here? that I had to make a lot of tough choices for my own happiness? I didn't just wake up GIFTED with a "perfect" relationship and a sense of peace. 12 years ago I made the decision to leave a marriage that was by all standards absolutely fine....nice husband, nice house, nice little camper in the yard, nice life....except I was so flippin' miserable I felt like I was dying a little each day. I planned my departure for SEVEN years.....got my kid settled in college (husband was not her father), arranged the finances that that both of us would be ok without the other's income, I left him the house with the recent $10,000 remodeled kitchen and bath, most of the furnishings, taking only my clothes, my daughter's bedroom furniture, two floor lamps and the good sauté pan.

and started over. in a little cinder block apt on the more ghetto side of town, went to the dollar store for dishes, etc. and hooked up with hank who turned out to be crack addict, and launched into my own 4.5 years of crack addiction. somehow, someway and not without a lot of grief, we both got clean. but I almost had to leave him too. for my own sanity. cuz he didn't quit just cuz I said so!!

it hasn't been completely smooth sailing!!! just getting clean doesn't make it all sunshine and daisies. it still takes effort and compromise and moments of utter frustration. and continuing to make choices.

LexieCat

Exactly. Everyone on this forum has had his/her share of pain. Nobody whose life has been smooth sailing winds up on these forums. We share our experience, strength, and hope.

Sungrl

Maybe you are trying to make chicken salad out of chicken sh!t.

That is priceless!

Thanks for the laugh.

EW in my humble opinion, do as he requests lose the number, you sound untrusting, unhappy and unfulfilled with the relationship.

Being acknowledged on VD was obviously important to you and he dropped the ball. I see many more underlying issues though.

HolyQow

This is the most judgemental post i've seen. That's not what this is for. I've been here as long as Earthworm, maybe longer, and she did not deserve this.

smh...
HQ