cj778449

Going out to dinner tonight with RB and a lot of restaurants are having 1/2 price bottle specials. RB has asked me why I haven't drank in front of him in awhile (since he started recovery) and I don't have a real answer. He's closing in on a year in 4 days and assures me that I can drink in front of him. I don't doubt that but I feel VERY self-conscious about my drinking habits when I'm around him (I do like getting tipsy occasionally) and I'm paranoid that I'm being secretly judged.

Has anyone experienced this? How did you get over it?

LemonGirl

I just decided not to drink for my own personal reasons. Alcohol just seems to have wreaked so much havoc in my life and those that I love that I'm just over it at the moment. But my decision not to drink was just for me. I just wanted the distance from the alcohol. Though I don't really have a problem with it either... So... idk. If not drinking around him avoids some unspoken awkwardness and you'd rather not endure that, then why not just stick to not drinking around him? I don't see the harm in not drinking around him.

LexieCat

If he's been sober for a year, then I'd say if you'd like wine with your dinner order it. I wouldn't say that if he were newly sober, but at this point he knows what might bother him, and it's his job to tell you what will.

I'd avoid "tipsy," though--someone with any length of sobriety doesn't enjoy being around intoxicated people.

I'd skip the half-price bottle and order one or two glasses.

maia1234

I wouldn't know, mine was never sober!!!

Sorry and good luck!!

redatlanta

I think he is clear with you he is ok with it. Have one. Sounds like he is at the point where he no longer needs kid gloves, and wants people to get back to business as usual.

I agree with Lexie I would skip "tipsy".

cookiesncream

Having just past the one year mark myself I'm at the same stage in recovery he is. Don't drink if you'd rather not. However don't NOT drink on his account. Trust me, if you're secretly afraid he's going to relapse if you drink its not going to happen. If we're going to relapse we're going to relapse. Alcohol surrounds us and is around every corner. I personally prefer that people behave as they always have and don't change their behavior on my account. Have a great dinner:-)

NYCDoglvr

After a year he should be ok with someone having a glass of wine with him.

Sasha4

It sort of made it worse when others said to me 'will you be okay if I drink?'.
I hate anybody feeling they cannot drink around me.
Its so not the case.

Sometimes I felt a bit offended. As if I was going to wrench the drink out of their hands and pour it down my throat in an uncontrollable rage.

I don't like spending time with drunk people anymore, just because I find it dull.
Its nothing personal though.
Its in no way judgemental.

I mostly want life to carry on as normal and people tip toeing around me is not normal.

I think you are a very nice person for caring though xx

Rosalba

I have a great friend who's a recovering alcoholic (20+ years sober) and if I'm with him I find myself not drinking more than one small glass of wine, with a meal, over the course of an entire evening. This level of drinking doesn't affect me significantly, but I'll be aware of other people around getting well oiled - as I'm sure he is too.

I don't drink to excess, but I'm just aware of being far more conscious of my drinking when I'm with him. I don't know why this is - possibly a desire to stay on the same wavelength? - but there it is!

Rosiepetal

My RBF is over 2 years sober.
I can now have a glass of wine if we go out for a meal.
He has also come with me to my Xmas work function last year & I had a few drinks but not in excess, I was careful. He also offered to be our sober driver which was great.
If I feel like a couple of drinks I tend to do it when I am not around him out of respect for him.
For the first year I definitely did not drink at all around him & if we went out I opted not to drink.
I think only time will ease the awkwardness of it all.