happycampers

Thanks a lot, Itchy ! I can't speak for his making it or not, but I know I will and am ! The space I'm in, I'm going to protect -I've worked hard to get here and I'm enjoying my Life again! No more daily chaos and mayhem from someone else's poor choices ! I'm just left with my own and I can easily live with those ! Thanks for your support the other night, Itchy.

amy55

You did really good. So proud of you. You really don't need that stuff in your life.

Just keep going. How many days before he gets into rehab. You do know if you let him in, he won't go to rehab.

Gotta say, I never knew mouthwash was 20 % alcohol. I actually checked mine, and I don't know if it has any in it. Just glad I reached my bottom before that.

amy

happycampers

So funny Amy, you nailed it on the head ! He called a couple times yesterday- I didn't answer. I figured I was getting the calls because he would be leaving hospital today and was probably taking the kindness I showed him the other day with finding another place once his money comes in as a door opener to putting him up til then ! Sure enough, I got the call this morning and answered . Yes, he's getting out and asked if I would pick him up. I asked " and where are you going ? I told you the other day that you're NOT coming here , I'm taking a hands-off approach with you , these are your decisions to make and I won't be manipulated into changing my mind, Tim !" He quickly got off the phone then - I could tell he was pissed ! But too bad - I'm protecting my self and my space! Like you said Amy, if I let him in again, I'll never get him out without a whole lot of drama I don't need. It's time for him to bail himself out or go drink himself to death, which is not far away if he does what he did last time !
His choices, not mine!

happycampers

I just got another call asking if I could pick up a pack of smokes and bring them to him while he waits for the doctor. SERIOUSLY ??? I said, not a chance ! I had my own work I'm in the middle of and I'm not you're bloody Nannie or girlfriend or anything, so deal with your own nicotine habit ! I'm sticking to my own program !
Man, the guy never stops asking for " help" !!! My " Do Not Knock" sign is out !!!

amy55

You're doing really well. This might last for about a week. Just remember if you take him in he will not be going to rehab, actually I think rehab is the furthest thing from his mind right now. He just wants to move in, if you take him in, it would be preventing him from hitting his bottom.

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
and here for you
amy

Itchy

All it will do is allow him to drink with the impunity. Happycampers, do you do AA? I did for my first six months to get F2F perspective and reassurances my PAWS were just healing. I came here first. I would go to one and when comfortable ask about the topic of enabling. Or tell this story. Not to prove you are right, but for the support YOU need. If not AA for you then a counselor from a rehab but you do realize that you are still in his power as long as resisting enabling is the same as not caring. If you did not care he never would have been able to use you this long. I think you timed it right, and stopped enabling at a time he might have a chance. But I seriously doubt he has any chance of doing anything now. If he ever does recover, he will come back, as you are one of the steps for him. He will have lots of amends to make.

But remember he is a user and that he likely would not fit back into your life by then in any event. But do let him make amends and send him on his way knowing you helped it work. I have a younger half brother that was one of those every other word "Praise the Lord" evangelics who was a heavy drug user. He called once to ask for bail because he was jailed for hitting our mom. I was safely across the continent from him and when I said no he said he had cleaned up his act. I told him to call me back when he had two years clean and sober. That was before I became an alcoholic and before I recovered. We are on speaking terms and he has been through two divorces and apparently is an abusive husband. He grew up quite differently than me. In California rather than the East coast then all over the world for my military career. And 16 years younger than me. I didn't even know the last two stepdads he had, only briefly the real dad of his who was a speed freak in the 60's and crazy.

Family or not, each has to use or abuse their time on this spaceship Earth hurtling through the cosmos, at risk of collision at any time. Or extinction by Super volcano or man made pollution, could happen in a moment.

The only resources at our disposal each are time, education, and money. I've found people who waste their resources will waste ours if allowed to even faster. I do not have time or money to waste, and time even less so at 63 years young. If I allowed another to drag me down to bottom with them, by thinking I was helping another who would better be doing that for him or herself, they will never take responsibility for either of your fates, but another, likely you will be the scapegoat.

I am glad you decided top join the non codie side of life.

Remember always ask to see the house of your contractor, the car of your car detailer, the computer of your computer repair person. It is not true that "The cobbler doesn't have shoes." What nonsense, they are his best advertisement!

Just like us, and our lives.

happycampers

He was at the back of my building, sleeping in the car I have there. It was open because I hah a charger on it for the battery so that I could get it ready to move out. He was drinking - at first, I thought it was just beer I saw, but then I also saw a bottle of mouthwash ! That pissed me off ! I woke him up and told him to leave. He wouldn't go, so I phoned the police. they came, I chatted with them once they loaded Tim up and it's been quiet ever since ! Was definitely the right thing to do !