Let it go, Let it go, Let it go
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Let it go, Let it go, Let it go
I wrote a thread back in August about my business associate who was stealing from me, diverting business, and using in my studio. A long time 10 year friend that caused me much angst not only because of what he was doing, but because he was doing it on top of me dealing with seriously ill parents, a lot of travel, and a lot of $$ being spent to help them.
So I threw him out on his a$$ it was a blessed day. My business has flourished since.
Now I find out in this city of 6 million peeps he is opening his own business right. down. the. street.
I admit - I hate him. Hate him with every cell of my body. It doesn't obsess me, I don't think of him much. Life has gone on. Until someone mentions him and my BP raises to stellar heights. Now this? Really, really, really Dxxxx you HAD to move so close?
And how? Your credit sucks, you barely work, you are an addict and alcoholic. I know what it takes to open a commercial business - not only how did you do it, but why do people who do bad things manage to accomplish what should not be? Let it go I keep saying to myself. It doesn't matter how, clearly someone sponsored him he couldn't get a loan to buy a pack of gum. I can't help but think how much of the money he extorted from my business went to build his own.
I saw him yesterday crossing a parking lot he makes me sick. I keep saying to myself he won't last long. No way. Too stupid, too lazy, too high all the time, bad at handling money, a liar, a thief. Talented though - he does have that.
I need to move on from wishing the worst. I don't have to wish anything at all, but I do not like thinking in terms of his failure as being the only thing that makes me happy when I am pondering all this. Yesterday I thought I will just go file that warrant against him that I have been sitting on. I chose not to last year because 1) It would take 2 years to see the light of day in Court here, and I would most likely have to be there between 12 - 18 times for Calendar Call which would be even more loss of $$$. 2)He has nothing. Nothing. No car, no house, no assets and very little money that he keeps in his bank account. A judgment would be worthless. 3) Most likely he would get first offender and a slap on the wrist. I have decided not to go down that route it does nothing for me.
Thanks for listening to my vent. What I want to achieve is that he doesn't get any free rent in my head space. I'll work on it.
So I threw him out on his a$$ it was a blessed day. My business has flourished since.
Now I find out in this city of 6 million peeps he is opening his own business right. down. the. street.
I admit - I hate him. Hate him with every cell of my body. It doesn't obsess me, I don't think of him much. Life has gone on. Until someone mentions him and my BP raises to stellar heights. Now this? Really, really, really Dxxxx you HAD to move so close?
And how? Your credit sucks, you barely work, you are an addict and alcoholic. I know what it takes to open a commercial business - not only how did you do it, but why do people who do bad things manage to accomplish what should not be? Let it go I keep saying to myself. It doesn't matter how, clearly someone sponsored him he couldn't get a loan to buy a pack of gum. I can't help but think how much of the money he extorted from my business went to build his own.
I saw him yesterday crossing a parking lot he makes me sick. I keep saying to myself he won't last long. No way. Too stupid, too lazy, too high all the time, bad at handling money, a liar, a thief. Talented though - he does have that.
I need to move on from wishing the worst. I don't have to wish anything at all, but I do not like thinking in terms of his failure as being the only thing that makes me happy when I am pondering all this. Yesterday I thought I will just go file that warrant against him that I have been sitting on. I chose not to last year because 1) It would take 2 years to see the light of day in Court here, and I would most likely have to be there between 12 - 18 times for Calendar Call which would be even more loss of $$$. 2)He has nothing. Nothing. No car, no house, no assets and very little money that he keeps in his bank account. A judgment would be worthless. 3) Most likely he would get first offender and a slap on the wrist. I have decided not to go down that route it does nothing for me.
Thanks for listening to my vent. What I want to achieve is that he doesn't get any free rent in my head space. I'll work on it.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 2,582
I am sorry you are mad. It is understandable.
I would not pursue the case at this point. It does nothing for you except create a headache and pit him against you in the future. If he steps out of line in the future as your competitor, I would hold the case over his head to use at a later date although those things usually have time limits.
Since you are a make up artist, what type of make up is your favorite brand for non-commercial use? I wear bobbi brown, but am getting bored with it. Any ideas? Do you have a favorite skin care line?
I would not pursue the case at this point. It does nothing for you except create a headache and pit him against you in the future. If he steps out of line in the future as your competitor, I would hold the case over his head to use at a later date although those things usually have time limits.
Since you are a make up artist, what type of make up is your favorite brand for non-commercial use? I wear bobbi brown, but am getting bored with it. Any ideas? Do you have a favorite skin care line?
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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red, I'm going to give you advice that has worked well for me in getting rid of huge resentments. Pray for him. Pray for him to have all the happiness and success in the world. You don't have to "feel it," you just have to pray for it. His success or failure is out of your hands either way. He's already done to you what he's done, so anything good that comes his way takes nothing away from you.
It is totally counterintuitive, but I've tried this--agnostic that I am--and it works. It works in terms of setting ME free. Couldn't hurt to give it a shot.
It is totally counterintuitive, but I've tried this--agnostic that I am--and it works. It works in terms of setting ME free. Couldn't hurt to give it a shot.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Originally Posted by LexieCat 
red, I'm going to give you advice that has worked well for me in getting rid of huge resentments. Pray for him. Pray for him to have all the happiness and success in the world. You don't have to "feel it," you just have to pray for it. His success or failure is out of your hands either way. He's already done to you what he's done, so anything good that comes his way takes nothing away from you.
It is totally counterintuitive, but I've tried this--agnostic that I am--and it works. It works in terms of setting ME free. Couldn't hurt to give it a shot.
It is totally counterintuitive, but I've tried this--agnostic that I am--and it works. It works in terms of setting ME free. Couldn't hurt to give it a shot.
I does work!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
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I had a supervisor I despised. I prayed for awhile she'd get hit by a bus commuting. Then realized that was pretty mean. So I started praying that she would get an opportunity to work with a larger organization in a larger town. And in about 18 mo it came to pass....
another supervisor I actually liked but she was being mistreated by higher ups so I Prayed her north too for a better job and a larger pool of decent men. And another evil one missed her family so I prayed her to return back across the pond!
This person sounds like he's going to be pretty beholden to whoever is fronting him. I wonder if his company is going to literally be a front for $ laundering and drugs? More will be revealed. But it takes a bit of mental gymnastics to work away from the angst and into letting go! It's OK to vent and grouse awhile before kicking the universe into gear and ckeaning the street of this thorn in your side...
another supervisor I actually liked but she was being mistreated by higher ups so I Prayed her north too for a better job and a larger pool of decent men. And another evil one missed her family so I prayed her to return back across the pond!
This person sounds like he's going to be pretty beholden to whoever is fronting him. I wonder if his company is going to literally be a front for $ laundering and drugs? More will be revealed. But it takes a bit of mental gymnastics to work away from the angst and into letting go! It's OK to vent and grouse awhile before kicking the universe into gear and ckeaning the street of this thorn in your side...
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 667
OK Maybe I'm a minority here, but.................
If someone has done me wrong, I will expend NO energy before I expend ANY energy hoping they do well. They will do whatever will happen without my energy sent to them. And there is nothing wrong with hoping that someone that has done you wrong does NOT do well in life. Doesn't mean you set out to make that happen, but you hope they get whats due them. If they don't I am no worse off because of that.
And I can live with myself spiritually, morally and emotionally, without conflict, and have no discomfort in feeling this way.
I believe in Karma. Good or bad. And I believe Karma comes from a higher power. If I can assist in the physical life, I shall.
If someone has done me wrong, I will expend NO energy before I expend ANY energy hoping they do well. They will do whatever will happen without my energy sent to them. And there is nothing wrong with hoping that someone that has done you wrong does NOT do well in life. Doesn't mean you set out to make that happen, but you hope they get whats due them. If they don't I am no worse off because of that.
And I can live with myself spiritually, morally and emotionally, without conflict, and have no discomfort in feeling this way.
I believe in Karma. Good or bad. And I believe Karma comes from a higher power. If I can assist in the physical life, I shall.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Thank you all......
MissFixit - My preferences in retail product are Dior, Nars, Benefit, Make Up Forever, Kevyn Aucoin. I am not a fan of BB there are a couple of products I like (like the bisque corrector). On the whole its an over rated line. I do like Chanel as well, but Dior is a better product line overall I would be more likely to go there first. As for skin care how old are you and what is your skin type?
Lexie & Knowthetriggers - I have heard that works. I can't bring myself to at this point. Maybe I can try tomorrow.
Codejob - That's not a bad idea. Maybe I just need to think about what to pray about. I realize praying that someone breaks into his space and steals and vandalizes everything isn't going to work LOL. Nah I don't think its a front (but today I will fantasize it is
. He isn't competition for me we do different things. I always had the business he climbed on my coat tails. More like a presentation of his narcissism he doesn't have the clientele to support it.
Dandy - Yes Ultimately I would simply like him to go far back in the recesses of my mind that if someone mentioned him I'd have to think about who he was.
Hangn - yeah that's kind of how I feel. I don't want to pray or wish bad things on him I don't like that negativity in my brain - but I sure don't have to wish that he conquers the world either.
Thank you all you are so awesome!
MissFixit - My preferences in retail product are Dior, Nars, Benefit, Make Up Forever, Kevyn Aucoin. I am not a fan of BB there are a couple of products I like (like the bisque corrector). On the whole its an over rated line. I do like Chanel as well, but Dior is a better product line overall I would be more likely to go there first. As for skin care how old are you and what is your skin type?
Lexie & Knowthetriggers - I have heard that works. I can't bring myself to at this point. Maybe I can try tomorrow.
Codejob - That's not a bad idea. Maybe I just need to think about what to pray about. I realize praying that someone breaks into his space and steals and vandalizes everything isn't going to work LOL. Nah I don't think its a front (but today I will fantasize it is
. He isn't competition for me we do different things. I always had the business he climbed on my coat tails. More like a presentation of his narcissism he doesn't have the clientele to support it. Dandy - Yes Ultimately I would simply like him to go far back in the recesses of my mind that if someone mentioned him I'd have to think about who he was.
Hangn - yeah that's kind of how I feel. I don't want to pray or wish bad things on him I don't like that negativity in my brain - but I sure don't have to wish that he conquers the world either.
Thank you all you are so awesome!
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
Karma has no deadline.
Welcome to the Karma cafe. There is no menu. You are served what you deserve.
Smart women let karma do the dirty work.
I love Karma sayings - I gotta a ton of them - all pinned on the great time suck known as pinterest, lol. That last one may have been edited a bit for colorful language
Welcome to the Karma cafe. There is no menu. You are served what you deserve.
Smart women let karma do the dirty work.
I love Karma sayings - I gotta a ton of them - all pinned on the great time suck known as pinterest, lol. That last one may have been edited a bit for colorful language
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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I had someone in my life who I thought was a really good friend, she turned out to do some things that hurt me very very badly.
I always thought my HP would take care of her someday and that she would "get hers" if I just kept my sticky fingers off the situation and didn't try to go for revenge or allow her to "rent space in my head" as you said....
That was 10 years ago, and nothing bad has every happened to her. She still got off with no real consequences. Not only was it me that she hurt, but several other people I know have been really adversely effected by her actions. I often wonder how some people skate through life with no consquences...then I remember, we all will have to be accountable for our lives at some point. Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, the legacy you leave behind will hold us accountable with or withour our consent.
At least that is the way I see it.
--- That sucks though, that he is right down the street.. ugh
I always thought my HP would take care of her someday and that she would "get hers" if I just kept my sticky fingers off the situation and didn't try to go for revenge or allow her to "rent space in my head" as you said....
That was 10 years ago, and nothing bad has every happened to her. She still got off with no real consequences. Not only was it me that she hurt, but several other people I know have been really adversely effected by her actions. I often wonder how some people skate through life with no consquences...then I remember, we all will have to be accountable for our lives at some point. Whether you believe in the afterlife or not, the legacy you leave behind will hold us accountable with or withour our consent.
At least that is the way I see it.
--- That sucks though, that he is right down the street.. ugh
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Location: Melbourne, Australia
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When we wish bad stuff on people, who have wronged us, thinking that is "their karma" and they deserve it
It's easy to miss the fact that when bad stuff happens to us ........ That must conversely be "our karma."
It's easy to miss the fact that when bad stuff happens to us ........ That must conversely be "our karma."
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Redlanta, I understand and agree with you....
may he lose all of his hair and need 3 root canals and perhaps have some prostate issues and the urge to go constantly. If he is drinking heavily his hands will shake, ruining his trade.
perhaps a nice dose of adult cystic acne too.
may he lose all of his hair and need 3 root canals and perhaps have some prostate issues and the urge to go constantly. If he is drinking heavily his hands will shake, ruining his trade.
perhaps a nice dose of adult cystic acne too.
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,057
Reading your post reminded me of all the bad breakup/divorce stories we have at SR about our alcoholic/addicted exes. I'm thinking Al-Anon principles would be a good place to put your focus.
I agree with Lexie about praying for him--and I know it's hard to do--but even a short one breath prayer a few times a day is a good start. And just remind yourself like we all do about our exes--we know the real person. You know this guy. He's not going to be able to sustain a sound, reputable, profitable business. I hope you can find some satisfaction in that.
I agree with Lexie about praying for him--and I know it's hard to do--but even a short one breath prayer a few times a day is a good start. And just remind yourself like we all do about our exes--we know the real person. You know this guy. He's not going to be able to sustain a sound, reputable, profitable business. I hope you can find some satisfaction in that.
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Originally Posted by Hawks
When we wish bad stuff on people, who have wronged us, thinking that is "their karma" and they deserve it
It's easy to miss the fact that when bad stuff happens to us ........ That must conversely be "our karma."
It's easy to miss the fact that when bad stuff happens to us ........ That must conversely be "our karma."
While I wouldn't say this recent turn of events is something "bad" happening to me I would say the initial 1 year experience was. So was that my "karma"? Yin and Yang - must have done something to deserve it.
Its just life. Sh!t happens. I didn't heed the red flags. I ignored them. I knew he was up to something, I knew some of what he was doing. My husband kept saying he was an alcoholic - I didn't see it. If anyone should know RAH would. I excused and ignored because I had too much on my plate with sick parents and lots of travel and I chose not to deal. I also chose to try to fix him. In other words, everything that I have learned in Al Anon and on SR I did not apply to this friendship/business relationship.
Lets talk about Karma his "Karma" vs. mine. My business has been off the rails busy since he left. I love being in my space. No more stress at work. My parents have had some bumps but its been better. I'm happy. My Rah is sober and awesome.
As for him….I don't know how his business is. I really don't know anything about him if things are better, good, great or they suck.
I think I'm having a day where I am not seeing the forrest for the trees. Whether he has great success or fails miserably has no bearing on my life either way. Walk on your side of the street Red, where things are just fine.
Thanks for posting this very thought provoking.
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Originally Posted by Fandy
Redlanta, I understand and agree with you....
may he lose all of his hair and need 3 root canals and perhaps have some prostate issues and the urge to go constantly. If he is drinking heavily his hands will shake, ruining his trade.
perhaps a nice dose of adult cystic acne too.
may he lose all of his hair and need 3 root canals and perhaps have some prostate issues and the urge to go constantly. If he is drinking heavily his hands will shake, ruining his trade.
perhaps a nice dose of adult cystic acne too.
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