fluffyflea

I'm trying to figure out things to do to get my power back........

What do other people do?????????????

Eauchiche

I go to AlAnon every week and work my program. This includes a lot of prayer and meditation.


I find that benefits, such as healthy boundaries, happen almost automatically as a result of WORKING MY PROGRAM.

Keep coming back!

LexieCat

Power--over what? To do what?

I'm powerless over quite a bit in my life.

So the Serenity Prayer is a good place to start, for me. With emphasis on "wisdom to know the difference."

maia1234

I got my power back when I detached from my A. When I stopped trying to FIX him. When I finally accepted him for who he was and started becoming the person I should be. That's when I got my power back.

Just like Eauchiche said, lots and lots of alanon and open AA meetings. It finally it hit. I was strong enough to do what need to be done in my life. A divorce, new home, new job. New lease on life.

Don't get me wrong, I am still coming back here daily and I still cry for what was. But those really, really, really bad days are behind me.

ladyscribbler

All of the above.

Also covered in the Serenity Prayer.

Accept the things I cannot change
Courage to change the things I can
Wisdom to know the difference

amy55

I stopped enabling my ex, and started enabling me to move forward without him anchoring me down.

fairlyuncertain

I got my power back when I realized i'd never lost it. I think of it as my inner light, radiating outward. It's always there, but sometimes the spark needs a little extra oxygen, a little more fuel. My A was a wet blanket - but the spark was always there.

SeriousKarma

See the humor in everything. There's power in humor.

atalose

I guess it depends on what your definition of power is?

self esteem?

Not being controlled by alcohol or an alcoholic?

Stung

Yeah, my first thought was endurance running or maybe circuit training as it pertains to power. I consider my power to be physical these days. Otherwise I'm aiming for peacefulness and trying to be open minded and calm. If someone has power over me it's because I gave it to them (like the saying about giving someone rent free space in your mind).

If I want things to change then I need to change, I try to start with my perspective and attitude. FireSprite has a saying about how you don't necessarily have a problem but you have a solution that you don't like. That's what I remind myself of when I think "…but I can't because…"

Alaska907

I got my power back when I realized I can only control my happiness. It's not up to my alcoholic husband. His disease doesn't have power over me and we can choose our own happiness. When we free ourselves from the control we regain our power for ourselves. So I think figuring out what makes us happy and doing it no matter what circumstances it brings with the addict.

Katchie

Waking up out of denial was the first step. The second step was Al-anon and CR. The 3rd step was reaching out to people and letting them know the burden I carried and then telling my side of the family. 4th empowering thing was telling my A he couldn't come home until he shaped up and did the necessary work. And 5th, calling his brother and letting that side of the family know. I'm sure there are more things in between, but the point is each step I take for my own peace of mind fills me with strength. I still have a lot of work to do.

theuncertainty

The first thing that came to mind for me was the self-defense class I took. It was so empowering to realize that I could get myself away and safe if AXH "got angry."

smurfio

I got my power back in a strange way! when AH started insulting me I wholeheartedly agreed with him! then started adding in other things he had accused me of being in the past! when he critisised the housework I told him to do it himself. So I suppose it was finally realsing that nothing i ever did was good enough for him so why bother trying, as long as I was doing what made me happy and the house was tidied to a level I was happy with to hell with what he thought

spedteach

I got my power back when I started being nice to ME and doing things FOR ME. Every single day, I do SOMETHING for ME and me only. Might be getting that dark hot chocolate to warm me up in the morning, might be reading, might be watching a tv show, snuggling with my dogs, anything if its for ME.

I also got my power back by taking care of me physically. I run, I lift weights, I walk my dogs (weather permitting) daily. I also try to eat healthier. I'm focusing on my physical and mental well being. I am an avid believer that when we do physical activities, it helps us mentally release. I have had many angry runs, I have had many crying runs, I have also had several peaceful runs. No matter how bad things seem I always, ALWAYS feel better after a sweat session! I am by no means a marathon runner or even fast, I don't lift heavy weights, but the release is crucial for me.

Finally, I got my power back when I realized, he's going to do what he's going to do, and I can't do a darn thing about it. But I CAN take a look at what I am doing and make me happy.

To me, my power means my happiness and serenity

walkinganewpath

I haven't found mine yet and actually lately I've been feeling pretty low. Reading this made me go 'ouch'...

I posted on faking it til you make it yesterday...which I guess is really just pushing yourself to do things that you want and be what you want before you're really there even when you don't have the oomph to do them yet. Yesterday I walked the mall. Today I don't have a vehicle so I'm working on decluttering (clothes for consignment, goodwill donations, etc) and I'm going to force myself to make two phone calls and check my email. It sounds stupid but I've really been avoiding my relationships and personal social contact as well.

So thank you for this thread and for the sharing on what has helped others.

LemonGirl

jogging!

FireSprite

That is one of my favorite sayings for sure, "You don't have a problem so much as a solution you don't like."

That's me showing me Tough Love sometimes.

I think being empowered is important in life, necessary for confidence & self-esteem, but go too far & you're Ego Tripping all over yourself. It's a delicate balance.

That came around for me just by way of working my program & putting changes into action - forming boundaries & then holding them IS empowering. Detaching from other's drama & not letting it negatively affect me IS empowering.

I agree with just about every point that has been made - getting physically stronger in mind, body & spirit all around helped me. I think of it as learning to love myself again. Yoga, meditation, reiki, acupuncture, regular checkups with my dr., sleeping better, eating well, taking time to play, learning to reside in the Now & stop future-tripping.... were all so, so very important for me. Educating myself & using that knowledge to grow in my everyday life is empowering.

I'm also a big fan of visualizations so when I would do Warrior poses in my yoga practice I would envision my inner warrior & what she looked like & visualize her getting stronger. Re-parenting my Inner Child was also a hugely beneficial exercise for me in this way.

Thumper

I love that saying.

I also said the Serenity Prayer a billion times over. Constantly. It was a huge help for me personally.

LifeRecovery

I agree with so much of what has been written.

I had to sing "One of these things is not like the other," a diddy from Sesame Street about simlar/opposites when I was in the throes of getting my own power back.

It helped me to understand that just because a group of people were "doing" or "being" a certain way did not mean it was healthy (it may have been normal but not necessarily healthy).....it was okay for me to be different in this case.

It was humoress and helped immensely.