Acceptance
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Acceptance
I have really struggled with accepting my situation and that he would rather drink than seek sobriety so he can be with his wife and family. As you all know I've really struggled with the fact that he is now divorcing me, I never thought he would, I always thought he would come home because of everything he said about how he felt about me and wanted for our future. I tried to convince myself that I knew it was over but somewhere in the back of my mind I still hoped it wasn't. Delusional thinking eh.
Just feeling so sad today as I am beginning to accept my reality that I have fought against accepting.
Just feeling so sad today as I am beginning to accept my reality that I have fought against accepting.
Baby Steps
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Thank you everyone. I was reading a journal last night going over old well entries from a few months ago and it became clear how he was manipulating me, one day he loved me and wanted to be with me the next or a week later he didn't, then when I backed away, albeit not for long but when he thought I was pulling away too much he'd throw in he just needs time to sort himself out then the cycle started again. I love you I don't love you, go away, no come back!!
Yes I jumped back in with both feet every time he gave me a glimmer of hope and I held onto his words, ignoring his actions.
Even when he said about the divorce it was because it was what's best for me, yeah as if he has thought about me in any of this, or his kids he's thought about himself and what he can do to keep drinking.
Reading the entries last night helped me to see what I didn't want to accept but what I have been trying to convince myself off but never really believing it because I hoped he meant what he said about us I wanted to believe that more than the reality!!
Yes I jumped back in with both feet every time he gave me a glimmer of hope and I held onto his words, ignoring his actions.
Even when he said about the divorce it was because it was what's best for me, yeah as if he has thought about me in any of this, or his kids he's thought about himself and what he can do to keep drinking.
Reading the entries last night helped me to see what I didn't want to accept but what I have been trying to convince myself off but never really believing it because I hoped he meant what he said about us I wanted to believe that more than the reality!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Good for you on reading the journal entries. That has helped me more than once. I have been struggling very much with acceptance lately, trying to believe he's doing x,y and z.
Yes I jumped back in with both feet every time he gave me a glimmer of hope and I held onto his words, ignoring his actions.
Yep, same here. I was as addicted to hope as he is to alcohol. In some way I must still be, because I have kept clinging to the idea that he will see what a colossal mess he is making of his life and straighten himself up. Not so much for the sake of our relationship, which is irrevocably over, but for our son.
I know you want your children to have a good relationship with their dad. I really want that as well, but we can't want it FOR them.
Hugs Butterfly. You're doing great.
Yes I jumped back in with both feet every time he gave me a glimmer of hope and I held onto his words, ignoring his actions.
Yep, same here. I was as addicted to hope as he is to alcohol. In some way I must still be, because I have kept clinging to the idea that he will see what a colossal mess he is making of his life and straighten himself up. Not so much for the sake of our relationship, which is irrevocably over, but for our son.
I know you want your children to have a good relationship with their dad. I really want that as well, but we can't want it FOR them.
Hugs Butterfly. You're doing great.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Virginia
Posts: 17
Hugs and prayers for you.... I understand completely. It hurts. I think I have personally cried for the last 3 days but I keep trying to focus on the good in my life. Hug your kids and do a little something for yourself today. It will all be better in time.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 16
omg!! that is EXACTLYhow i am feeling...............my husband and I had a fight today (over what I do not know) but he has been edgy for days. took a bottle of scotch 3 hours ago and is gone...........OMG! I feel your pain. i live it
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 16
Exactly
Yes, this is exactly how I feel/felt. My husband left hours ago after ''wanting a divorce" and blaming me for his drinking. he said i forced him and if i was a better wife he wouldn't drink. He took a bottle of maker's mark and has been gone 3.5 hours now. i am so sad.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 120
Please remember broken promises, lies, manipulation are all forms of emtional abuse. You are an abuse victim and it is really painful to deal with. Be really gentle with yourself and give yourself lots of time to heal.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
(((Butterfly))) You are doing so well. Just keep moving forward. It will get easier.
Ginger, you could be the perfect wife and he'd still drink. Alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics, not because of anything you and I do or don't do. It's not about you at all. It's all about the disease and how to protect it.
Ginger, you could be the perfect wife and he'd still drink. Alcoholics drink because they are alcoholics, not because of anything you and I do or don't do. It's not about you at all. It's all about the disease and how to protect it.
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