killerinstinct

That moment when you realise you were used, abused and discarded... Gut wrenching... That moment when you realise you were a pawn in a game to the narcissistic alcoholic... That moment when you wonder was I the only victim, is everyone his victim.. Or are some excluded and are do some genuinely mean something to him.. That moment when you realise you meant nothing at all. Heartbroken..

Treerat66

(((((hugs)))))

Readreadread

It is very painful. I am truly sorry. Narcissism is so hurtful because at the end of the the day it is a mental illness and incomprehensible.

ShootingStar1

Killerinstinct, I remember that moment, too. It came and went for a while because I just couldn't hang on to the knowledge - denial came in quickly, then when I would get the insight back - It took me a while to truly believe it and then a while longer to understand what had happened to me.

For me, now two and a half years after leaving, that was the moment that my healing truly began. I had to know and believe what had happened to me in order to know what I had to heal from.

So while it is a terribly difficult extended moment, have hope that this knowledge will lead you into health. Some of my older posts talk about this if you are interested in searching for them.

ShootingStar1

HopefulinFLA

Oh wow KI. I haven't felt what you're feeling, but I can feel your pain in you're writing. You are soooooo much better off without him and you deserve better too.

Sending much love and healing your way.

firebolt

Then, there will come a moment when you realize that all the crap you went through, and all the work you did to get better has turned you into this amazing, strong and healthy person that is doing the best for their own life!! I can't wait to see you in that place, and you are well on your way there!

NYCDoglvr

For me it's better to live in the solution ... lots of Alanon and cognitive therapy delivered me from that place to peace of mind and the ability to choose better.

SeriousKarma

That moment when you realize your spending too much time thinking about a d!ck!!!!!

Come on KI, you can do this, girl. Stop giving him this power over you. Jackasses like him feed off of these types of thoughts. It's like mojo juice for them. They have evil jackass superpowers, and can sense, subconsciously, when someone gets all weepy about them. It only makes them stronger!

So, the question again is..... What are you doing for yourself to keep yourself from these types of negative thoughts?

marie1960

I sincerely understand how gut wretching break-ups are.

And I also understand the amazing feeling that comes over a person when they place value on their life, and can look in the mirror and say, " I am worth and worthy of SO much more"

The only way I know to a better life , let go of the past, live my today, and believe the best is yet to come.

The choice is yours, friend.

I bet you already know what type of person you will never allow in your life again, see, You are already on your way.............

bird13

It's true, I agree with serious karma. The alcoholic needs ego deflation at depth in actuality and their disease thrives off of you feeling that way. Weird, sometimes I even think they have radar. Subconsciously they know and it gives them the reassurance they are in the driver seat.

I told myself today, don't let this d!ck rent space in your head! He doesn't deserve it. He is going about his day taking care of his needs, selfish person. So, why should I think about what he did to me. who cares. He is the one that will suffer in the long run. not you.