Waking up from aboriginal addict dreamtime
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 588
Waking up from aboriginal addict dreamtime
What an ocean we could make if all our tears could be gathered. I'm still a little raw from my little un-characteristic meltdown. I'm just sitting here wondering if any of it was real. There were 2 people going to the same places, seeing the same things, in conversation, but separated by a wall of addiction. I want to believe that the "i love you" was real and the "I hate you"wasnt. I want to believe that the good times were the "real" guy under all of the madness and that the madman was just holding my good guy hostage. I saw so many glimmers of this shining light that I wanted to believe that was all there was. But I don't know what was real. Was I actually crying over someone I never actually met? Was I/am I mourining a relationship that only existed in MY mind?
The song that melted me was "My Immortal" by Evanescence.
One of the lines is:
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But, though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.
I've been alone this whole time. For a whole year. I was awake, but choose to live in his dream world. If I didn't have his belongings, I might be able to convince myself it never happened. Yet, it did. And I don't want to forget lest I repeat this mistake with someone else or he does return. I just have to learn keep it perspective.
The song that melted me was "My Immortal" by Evanescence.
One of the lines is:
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But, though you're still with me
I've been alone all along.
I've been alone this whole time. For a whole year. I was awake, but choose to live in his dream world. If I didn't have his belongings, I might be able to convince myself it never happened. Yet, it did. And I don't want to forget lest I repeat this mistake with someone else or he does return. I just have to learn keep it perspective.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
I am sorry you are hurting right now. Perhaps reaching out to someone in your close support system, a sponsor or a very close friend? If you do Alanon perhaps just sitting (not sharing) in a meeting might help you a bit.
I could also suggest quietly reading thru any journals you have or possibly writing your feelings down on paper and then re-read them. I find it to be very therapeutic.
Hugs to you and take care.
I could also suggest quietly reading thru any journals you have or possibly writing your feelings down on paper and then re-read them. I find it to be very therapeutic.
Hugs to you and take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
Ducky, I've heard it said here that what we are mourning is not the actual relationship and all its craziness; what we are mourning is the death of our dreams and hopes. This article explains it better than I ever could:
http://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/pd...ner-112011.pdf
http://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/pd...ner-112011.pdf
I hope you find something helpful to take with you.
http://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/pd...ner-112011.pdf
http://www.cottonwooddetucson.com/pd...ner-112011.pdf
I hope you find something helpful to take with you.
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