littlesister1

When you are no longer "useful"

My brother dropped me like a hot potato after I told him no more.
No more free cash to spend on floozies and boozies, no more cell phones to destroy.

I was as kind and gentle as I could be - I basically told him "I don't know what I can do for you anymore that isn't money or cell phones"

I have not heard one word in weeks.

I wish I could say I was suprised
I wish I could say this didn't hurt

I wish to hell he cared half as much about himself as I do

Still, I am just a bit shell shocked that someone who was "needing all the help he can get" would just shut me out

ajarlson

Same with my mother when I told her I wouldn't buy her alcohol anymore. She turned her head to watch TV and it was like I disappeared. Of course after a few weeks she called again when she needed something, but by then I was done. Her addiction is more important than friends or family now.

littlesister1

Mind boggling isn't it?

I know I will hear from him again, when he feels he is in dire straights again.
Poor brother, I wish I could just ZAP some sense into his head.

I wish he was still there, if you know what I mean

ajarlson

It was shocking when it happened. I said ok, I'm leaving now... nothing...OK good bye then... nothing...so I left. Hang in there, I have found life is much better without the drama, and as much as I wish she would get her act together I have to realize that I am powerless, I cannot make her stop drinking or go to therapy, all I can do is detach and live my life without the drama. Everyone is different though, if I were strong enough to set and keep my boundaries with her, I would probably be in contact.

NYCDoglvr

My heart goes out to you, I'm sure you are hurt. For alcoholics, booze is their higher power, God, great love of their life, above all else. It's an obsession and until they decide to get help to quit, nothing else matters. If it helps, the AMA considers it a mental illness.
A big hug.

zoso77

Don't personalize it. This isn't about you.

Alcoholics and addicts abhor two things: accountability and boundaries. What you did was throw down a hard boundary. And he responded in a way that is consistent with someone in active alcoholism.

I know it stings, especially where this is your brother. But once you take a step back and not personalize it so, you'll see and understand his behavior for what it is.

gleefan

Ha! When I told my husband (for the umpteenth time) that his drinking over the weekend made me uncomfortable as a recovering alcoholic, he didn't say a word about it, then asked me what I wanted to watch on TV.

Um. I don't like TV (for the umpteenth time).

I'm learning that our alcoholics' actions, or lack thereof, aren't so much about us, as they reveal the truth about them and the extent that their addictions rule their worlds.

We all need to keep hanging in there. Hugs!

Duckygirl1

I don't know how old your brother is, but in my case of getting dumped by XAB, I was dealing with a 39 yr old man that mentally, emotionally clocked in at about 16. He was far more like a rebellious teen prone to tantrums than a grown man. Think of what age your brother got hooked, that's where he still is. Even if it was only a year ago, he's made no emotional growth in that year. When/if he breaks free, he can begin to grow again, until then hold the line for both of your sakes. (Hug!)

atalose

Addiction is a relationship, a pathological relationship in which obsession replaces people.

zoso said it best, don’t personalize it, because it’s not about you.

You don’t Cause them to drink.

You can’t Control their drinking.

And you can’t Cure them.

I think you set a nice healthy boundary for yourself I hope you continue to keep it.

I think we think they are like us, feel like us and have emotions like us and that’s why we get our feelings hurt when they treat us badly. Especially after everything we have done for them. Sadly they are NOT like us, they don’t feel emotions like us when in active addiction and usually the only thank you’s received are for things that enable them to remain comfortably in their addiction.

AnvilheadII

the Never Fail test to see where their true motivations lie is to say NO......and then stand back..........

Hangnbyathread

We won't ever know what was up with my brother in our family. As far as any of us know he has no addictions. But in the end he was handled in the same manner. Once we stopped feeding his problems, he had no more use for us. Everyone has cut him off and he has no use for any of us as actual family members.

Now our family has peace without him. The same will happen for you you.

You did the right thing.

Thumper

I have a brother like that and there are no addictions. Some people only keep up when they need something or if you are offering something. Just the way they are, sad but true. They end up with very small lives.

littlesister1

Thanks

For some reason it's hard becasue I keep thinking of him as he "used to be"

Gotta stop that