jarp

Let me preface this with saying I KNOW how pathetic this is....

I know I have many, many things to be thankful for in life...and I am a lot luckier than many others....and I am grateful for that.

It's my birthday...and for the first time in my 40 something years I idnt get a single gift.

It's NOT about the present....AT ALL....it's about the thought. Not RAH, nor the kids thought to even get me a pair of socks to unwrap.

I always make such a big effort on their birthdays....I just feel....a bit unloved today.

Don't worry...I see even more how pathetic and I know I sound 5 years old I see this is in writing it...just wanted to let my disappointment out here rather than at my family.

Fluffer

jarp,

Maybe you should let your family know you are disappointed. Who the hell doesn't buy a birthday present for their mom or wife? In my family, there are a few candidates and they are self-absorbed and take their family for granted. Personally, I would make my feelings known. I think they owe you a big apology.

Mags1

Happy birthday jarp, I think we all like nice surprises, especially on our birthdays, hope the rest of your day is good.

NWGRITS

I'm the type to go out and buy myself a small cake and ice cream and eat it in front of the ungrateful brats. Who doesn't recognize the birthday of their (not estranged) parent or spouse? Cards are 2/$1 at the dollar store here. No excuses!

Missus

I'm with the posters above - let them know youre disappointed, if you don't this might become the norm. And do something nice for yourself this evening, a bubble bath or something

seasaw

this is NOT pathetic! we live in a society built on a strong foundation of birthday presents. among immediate family members you live with, and unless it was specifically and previously discussed that you shouldn't expect any, there's no way i wouldn't be deeply hurt and offended. especially if you usually/always do something for their birthdays. who taught you it was unreasonable to expect a token of esteem from your loved ones on your birthday? who taught you it was pathetic to be sad when they disappointed you?

big birthday hugs to you. i'm so sorry you're feeling down - i don't blame you one bit. what are you going to do about it?

dandylion

jarp...your desire is normal...and, I k now how much it hurt you, inside.
It is they who are self absorbed and unappreciative.

jarp....it is true that we teach other people how to treat us. I suspect that you have done so much for others and asked so little for your self that they feel that this is normal.
jarp....LOL....time to become a teacher! TODAY'S LESSON: "I felt very sad that nobody recognized my birthday!" (if your kids are very small....I would make a picture of you with a sad face and a tear coming from your eye..and explain to them how mommy felt).
(for your husband, I would make the same kind of picture and put it on the bathroom wall just above the toilet so that he sees it every time he takes a whiz. No explanation--let him figure it out (if he can).

PHIZ007

So sorry to read this.

Happy birthday
Please do something nice for yourself.

I am sorry for your upset and yes I totally understand your upset when you make so much effort for everyone else.

Take care Phiz

FeelingGreat

Jarp, I don't think that's pathetic at all; I'd be annoyed and hurt. Not to gee you up, but if you make an effort for their birthday it's about time they stopped taking you for granted.

I've been back over some of your threads and apart from the youngest I can't work out how old they are, but I assume old enough to do organise a card, or a cake? As for RAH, words fail me after what you've been through.

I say this seriously; when they're say, under 20, don't leave your birthday to chance. My sister used to get very hurt when her boys were teens and forgot her birthday, but most children's default setting is selfish unless they are prompted. I always, in a joking way, reminded my H and kids my birthday was coming up, told them to start saving for my huge present, kept it on a light level, but they knew it was coming. And they loved decorating a cake or keeping the present secret, or making breakfast in bed. But they do need some reminding and prompting, and as they get older it becomes routine.

Let them know how you feel but save the heavy artillery for the H. At his age it's pathetic.

jarp

Thanks everyone.

To be fair RAH did go down to the local milk bar at 10am and buy me a card.

The lack of care just really got to me today.

At the moment it feels like he is trying to let me know just how little regard he has for me. Even in his drunkest days he never didn't buy me a present of some sort. It's not even that he forgot...it was clear he just couldn't be bothered. He said I didn't tell him what I wanted. In all the years we've been together I've never told him what I wanted...he's always gone and chosen something.

I feel sad for the kids too...as I remember how excited I used to get when it was my mums birthday and I'd be planning and anticipating her reaction to my gift. I feel sad that my kids arent helped to experience excitement for others birthdays. I don't want them to be selfish so and so's.

He's still sober, but it's become a big struggle for him, he's not working his recovery program, and I'm seeing a big relapse, emotionally if not alcoholically. I'm pretty sure it's only a matter of time...and that's getting me down too.

Jane11

Jarp happy birthday and I am really sorry that you feel so disappointed, but rightly so.

My ex got drunk on my birthday and I was so disappointed. I didn't see him and he dropped off a crumbled present and a card that was scrawled in at my friends house. He used the rest of the money he had which was actually mine, on himself.

Although I did get a card and a present I can sympathise with the disappointment of the feeling that they just don't care enough to make it special.

I'm so sorry for you but maybe you could do something nice for yourself or do you have any friends and family that you could spend some time with that would make you feel more special today?

Butterfly

Happy birthday jarp .

I don't think your being pathetic at all its normal to want your Family to want to make a fuss of you on your birthday and to feel disappointed when they don't or don't acknowledge it!!

So what are you going to do for yourself today?? Go and spoil yourself, have some lunch, buy something for yourself Whatever you do today do it for yourself. ((((((Hugs)))))

walkinganewpath

Happy Birthday Jarp!!! My AH swings back and forth with remembering events like my BD or Mothers Day, etc. My kids are 8 and 11 and they get sooo upset if we don't celebrate someone's birthday. Before we had kids I did tell him once I don't ask for much but I'm not going through the rest of my life not having my birthday recognized or not getting a card or a flower for mothers day or valentines day. Something, anything. I do think with the kids he does better because they nag him about it. I'm sorry you are feeling unloved today....but check out today's reading from Courage to Change if you can.

"When I am disappointed in another's response, I can make extra effort to be kind, warm and loveable to myself."

Hope your day turns out to be a happy one - help make it so for yourself!

Refiner

Awwww I'm sorry Jarp! Happy Birthday to you! That's very selfish of the kids - I used to look SO forward to my parents and grandparents birthdays while growing up - no one even had to remind me. Kids are so dammmm selfish these days. And your RAH... Is just a jerk. Sorry...

LexieCat

Happy Birthday hugs from me, jarp!

I spent my late teens to early adulthood feeling disappointed about birthdays. I'm like you--I like to make a fuss for other people, and like one for myself. At some point I decided it was up to ME to do something that made my day "special" and that's what I've been doing for the last ten years or more. I make plans to go to a concert or out to dinner with a friend or something. If other people remember, great--it's a nice surprise. But not COUNTING on it has made those days a lot less disappointing.

Hope you do something that makes you happy today.

maia1234

Happy birthday!!!!!

Don't let them ruin your day!!

We think your number ☝☝☝☝☝☝

LemonGirl

Well, HAPPY belated birthday! I can sort of relate too... But rather than relating to you, I like what someone else above posted about taking yourself out! Treat you well, and maybe others will follow? In fact, I think this year for my birthday, I am going to do the same! Especially your children.... Being a single mom I have to make up for what my partner should have been responsible for. Maybe you could treat the situation like that. ?

Hawkeye13

Happy Birthday Jarp--please spoil yourself a little today if you can.

I get how waiting for him to fall off the wagon would be extremely hard on top of
the family's selfishness and forgetting a special day for you.

I do have a question, which you don't need to respond to if you don't want, but something you might be thinking about already--
If he isn't holding up his end by working his program,
are you obliged to keep supporting him financially and emotionally and wait for some kind of crash?

I don't know if I'd have the nerve for that one after his past stuff.
Maybe that is part of the reason this hurt more than you expected?

marie1960

Happy Birthday Jarp!

CodeJob

A very blessed and beautiful day Jarp.