Huge anxiety
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
Huge anxiety
I'm not sure if this is off topic but I just needed to get it out.
Since my last post where things really came to a head with my family and it seemed like a choice between them and him I have cut contact. I sent him an email that I felt necessary to, not sure why as he responded in the way I knew he would with accusations and not taking in anything I had actually said, and saying I clearly don't love him etc.
I didn't respond to him and after 2 days he hasn't responded again, and yes I feel pretty devastated. I don't want the pain contact brings but the actual finality of him not contacting me is heartbreaking.
I have major anxiety all day- pretty much about life to be honest. Last night I went for a meal and drinks with my relative and her work colleagues and I drank too much (yes bad idea) and now I have major anxiety about what I said and how I behaved. I don't even remember some of it and my relative has said some things I said to one of her work colleagues and laughed about it but I feel embarrassed and have massive anxiety that I came across very wrong and also that I have given the wrong impression maybe- I can't stop worrying about it as I don't remember a lot of the night. If I am honest. I remember telling one of her colleagues that I was coming out of a bad relationship but I don't remember what details I gave and he mentioned to my relative that I had told him about it and that I had had a bad time but I'm not exactly sure what I said. And I'm really worried about this.
I have major anxiety of not being able to remember things and although my relative pointed out that other people were very drunk and would most likely not remember either I can't stop panicking about it, what I said etc and how that came across.
I don't know if this major anxiety is also because I haven't spoken to him and I ended up calling him this morning but then hung up and the sound of his voice alone made me want to cry. I am on the brink of contacting him now and have thought of nothing else all day- not like I could tell him about last night and how I feel anxious because he would flip his lid even if he knew I had been out let alone drinking.
I'm just majorly anxious- and why is this making me want to reach out to him.
He blocked me on Facebook last night or this morning and I am actually devastated by it- how sad is that. What is wrong with me.
I just can't get over this horrible anxious feeling and it's making me go crazy. I feel embarrassed at how I may have behaved and what I said and like I can never face these people again. I feel physically sick with how anxious I am. I feel as if I won't sleep from worrying about it all.
Since my last post where things really came to a head with my family and it seemed like a choice between them and him I have cut contact. I sent him an email that I felt necessary to, not sure why as he responded in the way I knew he would with accusations and not taking in anything I had actually said, and saying I clearly don't love him etc.
I didn't respond to him and after 2 days he hasn't responded again, and yes I feel pretty devastated. I don't want the pain contact brings but the actual finality of him not contacting me is heartbreaking.
I have major anxiety all day- pretty much about life to be honest. Last night I went for a meal and drinks with my relative and her work colleagues and I drank too much (yes bad idea) and now I have major anxiety about what I said and how I behaved. I don't even remember some of it and my relative has said some things I said to one of her work colleagues and laughed about it but I feel embarrassed and have massive anxiety that I came across very wrong and also that I have given the wrong impression maybe- I can't stop worrying about it as I don't remember a lot of the night. If I am honest. I remember telling one of her colleagues that I was coming out of a bad relationship but I don't remember what details I gave and he mentioned to my relative that I had told him about it and that I had had a bad time but I'm not exactly sure what I said. And I'm really worried about this.
I have major anxiety of not being able to remember things and although my relative pointed out that other people were very drunk and would most likely not remember either I can't stop panicking about it, what I said etc and how that came across.
I don't know if this major anxiety is also because I haven't spoken to him and I ended up calling him this morning but then hung up and the sound of his voice alone made me want to cry. I am on the brink of contacting him now and have thought of nothing else all day- not like I could tell him about last night and how I feel anxious because he would flip his lid even if he knew I had been out let alone drinking.
I'm just majorly anxious- and why is this making me want to reach out to him.
He blocked me on Facebook last night or this morning and I am actually devastated by it- how sad is that. What is wrong with me.
I just can't get over this horrible anxious feeling and it's making me go crazy. I feel embarrassed at how I may have behaved and what I said and like I can never face these people again. I feel physically sick with how anxious I am. I feel as if I won't sleep from worrying about it all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,414
I think you should stay away from any contact from him.
You've made the break, so now the healing can start.
If you don't have an appointment with a therapist, try and get one.
Working through the grief is important.
Don't open the door again Jane--let him be free to drink and live the way he wants,
and you focus on taking care of you.
You've made the break, so now the healing can start.
If you don't have an appointment with a therapist, try and get one.
Working through the grief is important.
Don't open the door again Jane--let him be free to drink and live the way he wants,
and you focus on taking care of you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Alaska
Posts: 2,913
Have you heard of the box breathing technique? It helps me when my mind is spinning off into worrying, stressing...
Sit up straight someplace comfortable; keep your hands relaxed in your lap. Breathe in through your nose slowly for a count of 4. Hold your breath for a count of 4, focusing on how your feel. Exhale through your mouth slowly for a count of 4. Hold the exhale for a count of 4. If your mind wanders, bring it back to focus on your breath and how breathing feels. Repeat.
It helps dial the anxiety down a few degrees.
Sit up straight someplace comfortable; keep your hands relaxed in your lap. Breathe in through your nose slowly for a count of 4. Hold your breath for a count of 4, focusing on how your feel. Exhale through your mouth slowly for a count of 4. Hold the exhale for a count of 4. If your mind wanders, bring it back to focus on your breath and how breathing feels. Repeat.
It helps dial the anxiety down a few degrees.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Honey, the longer you stay in this cycle the worse off you are. No Contact at all!
Do the breathing. Don't worry about last night. Not to be harsh, but I would say you care a lot more of what was said than they do if they were intoxicated also. Get busy. You need to occupy yourself so you are not so involved with this.
Hugs. You can do this, I know you can!
Do the breathing. Don't worry about last night. Not to be harsh, but I would say you care a lot more of what was said than they do if they were intoxicated also. Get busy. You need to occupy yourself so you are not so involved with this.
Hugs. You can do this, I know you can!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Jane, What you are experiencing is withdrawl. You are with drawling just like an addict does from their drug of choice. I know it hurts and it is suppose to hurt. This is what you need to do. You will feel better in time, don't call him or hang up. You need to be strong.
Make a list of all the crappy things he has done to you. This will help you on why you need NC. There is a good reason why you are doing this.
I think you might want to cool it on the alcohol. Not saying that you have a problem, but it sure is not healthy to go drinking and not remember anything. IMO
Stay strong, this will pass and you can do this!!!
Make a list of all the crappy things he has done to you. This will help you on why you need NC. There is a good reason why you are doing this.
I think you might want to cool it on the alcohol. Not saying that you have a problem, but it sure is not healthy to go drinking and not remember anything. IMO
Stay strong, this will pass and you can do this!!!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yes, I know that blackout drinking (which is when you don't remember what happened--it doesn't mean passing out) is a classic sign of alcoholism. Personally, I don't know any non-alcoholic drinkers who get them.
So I'd be VERRRY careful about my drinking if I were you.
And maintain a STRICT no-contact policy where the ex is concerned.
It will get better with time and healing. You can expect to feel crappy for a while, but you just have to wait it out.
So I'd be VERRRY careful about my drinking if I were you.
And maintain a STRICT no-contact policy where the ex is concerned.
It will get better with time and healing. You can expect to feel crappy for a while, but you just have to wait it out.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Ditto what Lexi says: only alcoholics black out when they drink so I strongly urge you to stay away from alcohol and drugs, including prescription tranquilizers. Alanon saved my sanity when I ended my relationship. A big hug.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
I had some anxiety a couple years ago when the gravity of the realization of an alcoholic live in boyfriend and alcoholic boss set in. I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE!
I immediately started counseling and Alanon - mainly due to my aversion of prescription meds. Best things I ever did. Seriously.
I am a mathematical, scientific, logical person. I basically was like - that wasn't anxiety, that was a heart attack. If you are going to tell me it is anxiety, then you need to draw my blood or something and prove it. HAHA! She convinced me - with logic and explaining about the chemicals in my brain.
Then - she said if I don't want meds, there was a study done on 100 different things we can do - hobbies, activities etc. They were all rated on a scale as to how it changes the chemicals in your brain. Only 3 items on the list scored anything worth discussing to help people ailing with anxiety:
#1 - EXERCISE!!! I know it's hard to go do it when life is the pits, but I promise you will feel better. It will help with appetite, that spinning brain, and sleep.
#2 - MEDITATION!!! If you've never done it - read all you can about it. Tons and tons of apps,books, guided recordings, all that. This will do the same - center you, slow down those thoughts, and bring you some much needed peace.
#3 SPENDING TIME WITH PETS!!! If you don't have a pet, offer a friend to take their dog on a walk or head to your nearest shelter and volunteer to walk dogs. It helps!
Take care of yourself - oh I just know the misery that is anxiety! (((HUGS)))
I immediately started counseling and Alanon - mainly due to my aversion of prescription meds. Best things I ever did. Seriously.
I am a mathematical, scientific, logical person. I basically was like - that wasn't anxiety, that was a heart attack. If you are going to tell me it is anxiety, then you need to draw my blood or something and prove it. HAHA! She convinced me - with logic and explaining about the chemicals in my brain.
Then - she said if I don't want meds, there was a study done on 100 different things we can do - hobbies, activities etc. They were all rated on a scale as to how it changes the chemicals in your brain. Only 3 items on the list scored anything worth discussing to help people ailing with anxiety:
#1 - EXERCISE!!! I know it's hard to go do it when life is the pits, but I promise you will feel better. It will help with appetite, that spinning brain, and sleep.
#2 - MEDITATION!!! If you've never done it - read all you can about it. Tons and tons of apps,books, guided recordings, all that. This will do the same - center you, slow down those thoughts, and bring you some much needed peace.
#3 SPENDING TIME WITH PETS!!! If you don't have a pet, offer a friend to take their dog on a walk or head to your nearest shelter and volunteer to walk dogs. It helps!
Take care of yourself - oh I just know the misery that is anxiety! (((HUGS)))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
My dog increased my anxiety too but it was because my plate was so absolutely full that I didn't have time to properly care for her and then I had mega guilt and feelings of failure. BUT I do exercise and meditate daily and they are lifesavers! Even a little yoga video at home helps to get those endorphins and feel good chemicals to start pumping. I recently read an article about how AMAZING exercise is for your brain and how it DOES scientifically make you happier.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: NJ
Posts: 80
I've been a long fighter of anxiety since 5th grade. Been on meds most of my life. I wish there is something I could say to make you feel better- but I promise with time it gets better. I've been 2 weeks no contact with my AEXBF and the beginning was tough but everyday gets better. Time heals all wounds- you're strong!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
Thank you so much for all your words.
I feel slightly less anxious today but I still have a horrible pit in my stomach about getting drunk and how I behaved and what I may have said and what people will remember- it is a horrible horrible feeling.
I am in a place where everything is just reminding me of him. The fact I got drunk and have such bad anxiety reminds me of him because I used to go through the aftermath of his blackout drinking with him.
The fact I brought a book about calmness and meditation reminds me of him as I read some to him thinking it was helpful and appropriate to our relationship at that time and now I want to continue reading but it just reminds me of him.
Thank you for your words of concern about the fact I consumed so much alcohol that I didn't actually remember my actions- this isn't a healthy place and I know that and all I am left with is the huge anxiety of how I behaved- I won't be doing this again and I feel ashamed to face the people that were there as I am so worried about it all. I literally can't stop thinking about what I may have said.
I've been reading here for the past two days what seems like continuously, I think it's helping. Certainly helps to know I am not alone.
I still didn't look for a therapist and I don't know why I keep putting this off. I know I should go and speak to someone but I just don't know why I can't bite the bullet and do it.
I'm in a mixed place between being so deeply sad I feel sick, but also I can't seem to be able to actually cry and maybe I need to so I can release the tension.
I said he blocked me on FB and I can't stop thinking about this- it's so pathetic isn't it. That's how I feel. I'm so deeply hurt that since I sent him my message about how I felt and was dignified in respect of both of us- tried to stay away from blame and basically just wished him well and that I love him, he has only contacted me twice in response then blocked me. No calls (possibly one from a blocked number), but no further attempts to contact me like he's just ok that he's cut me off/I've cut him off and clearly I'm not worth fighting for. Massive rejection which is devastating. And to top it off I go out get drunk and behave like a fool which I now can't get out of my mind.
I feel like an even bigger idiot as all I have been through with an alcoholic and I got so drunk. I feel as if I actually want to stay away from alcohol now- when I was with him I did say that I would be T total if he made the full commitment to sobriety but all my family poo pooed it and said I shouldn't have to, he was changing me etc. however now I feel as if I am ready to say I won't drink, but again I will probably get a bad reaction or a reaction that's because I got so drunk that night that's why I am stopping and that's embarrassing in itself- I'm rambling because I am pretty much confused about everything and my head is a mess.
I can't stop thinking how I miss him, the closeness, the good times- then I make myself think of something bad to get the sad nice thoughts from my head- then I flick to how he's just not prepared to put up a fight for me- then I think well he did he came here to see me- then I think well that wasn't for me that was on his terms and he knows the terms to be with me are no alcohol and a proper recovery programme- which he doesn't want to do. Maybe he's just moved on. Maybe he thinks I have as he always said I was just getting on with life away from him which wasn't true at all but he couldn't understand how all of it had affected me. Maybe I am actually going insane because all of this just goes round and round in my head and I feel as if the only people I can explain this to are people here who understand.
Maybe that's why I haven't properly contacted a therapist, because I am actually worried that they will just say I am actually insane because that is how I feel.
I don't want to feel like this. I want to be able to be happy and people say it will just take time but after months with him, then moving away from him and months still in contact as a roller coaster ride continued, now no contact for days I just feel a complete and utter mess. I'm not outwardly exhibiting this maybe but inside I am literally falling apart.
I feel slightly less anxious today but I still have a horrible pit in my stomach about getting drunk and how I behaved and what I may have said and what people will remember- it is a horrible horrible feeling.
I am in a place where everything is just reminding me of him. The fact I got drunk and have such bad anxiety reminds me of him because I used to go through the aftermath of his blackout drinking with him.
The fact I brought a book about calmness and meditation reminds me of him as I read some to him thinking it was helpful and appropriate to our relationship at that time and now I want to continue reading but it just reminds me of him.
Thank you for your words of concern about the fact I consumed so much alcohol that I didn't actually remember my actions- this isn't a healthy place and I know that and all I am left with is the huge anxiety of how I behaved- I won't be doing this again and I feel ashamed to face the people that were there as I am so worried about it all. I literally can't stop thinking about what I may have said.
I've been reading here for the past two days what seems like continuously, I think it's helping. Certainly helps to know I am not alone.
I still didn't look for a therapist and I don't know why I keep putting this off. I know I should go and speak to someone but I just don't know why I can't bite the bullet and do it.
I'm in a mixed place between being so deeply sad I feel sick, but also I can't seem to be able to actually cry and maybe I need to so I can release the tension.
I said he blocked me on FB and I can't stop thinking about this- it's so pathetic isn't it. That's how I feel. I'm so deeply hurt that since I sent him my message about how I felt and was dignified in respect of both of us- tried to stay away from blame and basically just wished him well and that I love him, he has only contacted me twice in response then blocked me. No calls (possibly one from a blocked number), but no further attempts to contact me like he's just ok that he's cut me off/I've cut him off and clearly I'm not worth fighting for. Massive rejection which is devastating. And to top it off I go out get drunk and behave like a fool which I now can't get out of my mind.
I feel like an even bigger idiot as all I have been through with an alcoholic and I got so drunk. I feel as if I actually want to stay away from alcohol now- when I was with him I did say that I would be T total if he made the full commitment to sobriety but all my family poo pooed it and said I shouldn't have to, he was changing me etc. however now I feel as if I am ready to say I won't drink, but again I will probably get a bad reaction or a reaction that's because I got so drunk that night that's why I am stopping and that's embarrassing in itself- I'm rambling because I am pretty much confused about everything and my head is a mess.
I can't stop thinking how I miss him, the closeness, the good times- then I make myself think of something bad to get the sad nice thoughts from my head- then I flick to how he's just not prepared to put up a fight for me- then I think well he did he came here to see me- then I think well that wasn't for me that was on his terms and he knows the terms to be with me are no alcohol and a proper recovery programme- which he doesn't want to do. Maybe he's just moved on. Maybe he thinks I have as he always said I was just getting on with life away from him which wasn't true at all but he couldn't understand how all of it had affected me. Maybe I am actually going insane because all of this just goes round and round in my head and I feel as if the only people I can explain this to are people here who understand.
Maybe that's why I haven't properly contacted a therapist, because I am actually worried that they will just say I am actually insane because that is how I feel.
I don't want to feel like this. I want to be able to be happy and people say it will just take time but after months with him, then moving away from him and months still in contact as a roller coaster ride continued, now no contact for days I just feel a complete and utter mess. I'm not outwardly exhibiting this maybe but inside I am literally falling apart.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 138
I just had a realisation that my relative will be seeing her co workers tomorrow and the drunken night will be discussed and I am in HUGE anxiety again. So anxious I feel sick about what will be said about what I said. I am cooking food but I feel too anxious and sick with worry to even eat it.
Why did I get drunk and behave like a fool. I can't stop thinking about it all and what will be said in her workplace....and that just leads me to thoughts of him all over again.
I'm such a loser right now.
Why did I get drunk and behave like a fool. I can't stop thinking about it all and what will be said in her workplace....and that just leads me to thoughts of him all over again.
I'm such a loser right now.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Jane...it will all settle down as long as you stay no contact with him.
you don't have the time to future-trip about what the "gossips" will say. What ever they do to entertain themselves DOES NOT stop the word from spinning own it's own axis.
What is done is done.
You need to direct your attention toward your own self care, right now.
Right now, I suggest that you go for a brisk walk...until you are exhausted. That will reduce your anxiety better than anything else.
This guy will continue to cause shambles in your life as long as you let him.
dandylion
you don't have the time to future-trip about what the "gossips" will say. What ever they do to entertain themselves DOES NOT stop the word from spinning own it's own axis.
What is done is done.
You need to direct your attention toward your own self care, right now.
Right now, I suggest that you go for a brisk walk...until you are exhausted. That will reduce your anxiety better than anything else.
This guy will continue to cause shambles in your life as long as you let him.
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 278
You won't be the first to go out, get sozzled and talk about a bad relationship; to be honest, if they talk about what's been said it's far more likely to be funny stuff, how they themselves behaved and they'll probably share stories of their hangovers.
I'd be willing to bet you're judging yourself far more harshly than anyone else is likely to - and that's if they remember what you said at all!
Please try to relax!
I'd be willing to bet you're judging yourself far more harshly than anyone else is likely to - and that's if they remember what you said at all!
Please try to relax!
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
Hi Jane, I suffered severe anxiety while I was with my ex and continued to experience it after he left. I went through times when I had no contact and my anxiety would increase as I hadn't spoken to him so I would break no contact but I always ended up feeling worse!! Part of wanting to break no contact was I wanted to know if anything had changed it never had.
I worked through the anxiety when I wanted to contact him I reminded myself that it would only cause more hurt and pain, that's what I have him saved under in my phone.
Working through our anxiety is difficult and the breathing really does help. Be gentle on yourself. I have been told many times by others wiser than me that no new contact equals no new fresh pain.
I worked through the anxiety when I wanted to contact him I reminded myself that it would only cause more hurt and pain, that's what I have him saved under in my phone.
Working through our anxiety is difficult and the breathing really does help. Be gentle on yourself. I have been told many times by others wiser than me that no new contact equals no new fresh pain.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
Originally Posted by Jane11 
I just had a realisation that my relative will be seeing her co workers tomorrow and the drunken night will be discussed and I am in HUGE anxiety again. So anxious I feel sick about what will be said about what I said. I am cooking food but I feel too anxious and sick with worry to even eat it.
Why did I get drunk and behave like a fool. I can't stop thinking about it all and what will be said in her workplace....and that just leads me to thoughts of him all over again.
I'm such a loser right now.
Why did I get drunk and behave like a fool. I can't stop thinking about it all and what will be said in her workplace....and that just leads me to thoughts of him all over again.
I'm such a loser right now.
If the subject of your behavior ever comes up, with anyone, just tell the truth: "yes I drank too much and boy do I regret it!" If you find out you offended anyone then apologize sincerely. We all make mistakes.
What's the worst that can happen? That is a sincere question and I admit I have not read the entire thread. What IS the worst that can happen from that drunken night? Could you lose your job?
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