I need to share
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
I need to share
First, I am telling you, last night I thought of you all here and was so thankful. I may not post much, but absolutely love coming here because I feel as if we all understand each other.
I was just reading Katcie talk about how her AH forgetting conversations, and how she didn't respond because he would blame her as if she was crazy. Most everyone jumped in to say something like: "Oh, yes!! I get that too! And that is what I'm talking about how we say we get one another. It is *here* that I am reminded that I'm not crazy.
I wanted to share a story with you that could be funny, if you're not so exhausted from your A. Last night it wasn't funny, today, with ya'll, it is.
My daughter was in charge of dinner and made tacos. She, my oldest, the oldest boyfriend, and I all ate, and as usual, the A finished watching the news. Last night must have been and "on" night, because he drank nearly a bottle of wine.
I go take my shower and come out to the kitchen to finish clean up. He had made his own taco shells so the bag of tortillas were on the counter. I picked up the bag and a stack of the shells fell to the floor. When I looked I noticed that the bag was open on both sides. I knew immediately what happened. My daughter had opened the wrong side. But, I had to do it, I had to ask : "Why in the world is this open on both sides?" He was in the family room off the kitchen and the kids were in the front room watching tv. He said, as I knew he would, "Because I opened it the right way" In a la te da voice, so much better than all of us, like a child would. I went into a rant about how now just because it was opened on the wrong side, doesn't mean he has to prove what the right side is now the shells were ruined.
He started to rant about how he always does things the right way, the way things should be done. Even though I knew where the conversations was going (no where) I just had to engage. I finally just stopped and said, "you're right"
you opened the package the right way, where it says open.
LOL I mean, just another child around the house.
I was just reading Katcie talk about how her AH forgetting conversations, and how she didn't respond because he would blame her as if she was crazy. Most everyone jumped in to say something like: "Oh, yes!! I get that too! And that is what I'm talking about how we say we get one another. It is *here* that I am reminded that I'm not crazy.
I wanted to share a story with you that could be funny, if you're not so exhausted from your A. Last night it wasn't funny, today, with ya'll, it is.
My daughter was in charge of dinner and made tacos. She, my oldest, the oldest boyfriend, and I all ate, and as usual, the A finished watching the news. Last night must have been and "on" night, because he drank nearly a bottle of wine.
I go take my shower and come out to the kitchen to finish clean up. He had made his own taco shells so the bag of tortillas were on the counter. I picked up the bag and a stack of the shells fell to the floor. When I looked I noticed that the bag was open on both sides. I knew immediately what happened. My daughter had opened the wrong side. But, I had to do it, I had to ask : "Why in the world is this open on both sides?" He was in the family room off the kitchen and the kids were in the front room watching tv. He said, as I knew he would, "Because I opened it the right way" In a la te da voice, so much better than all of us, like a child would. I went into a rant about how now just because it was opened on the wrong side, doesn't mean he has to prove what the right side is now the shells were ruined.
He started to rant about how he always does things the right way, the way things should be done. Even though I knew where the conversations was going (no where) I just had to engage. I finally just stopped and said, "you're right"
you opened the package the right way, where it says open. LOL I mean, just another child around the house.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
HA - oh my, YES - the forgetting conversations, as well as the quacketty-yack.
My ABF also is MR Perfect - and is happy to let me know how I should be doing things. Truth be told, sometimes, I make sure I do things the "wrong" way. Just cause I'm crazy like that
My ABF also is MR Perfect - and is happy to let me know how I should be doing things. Truth be told, sometimes, I make sure I do things the "wrong" way. Just cause I'm crazy like that
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
I agree, I think that's the major reason they drink. At least mine, he's always saying how bad he's got it and how he tries so hard to be perfect and yet "everyone" else is allowed to make mistakes, yet everyone expects him to be perfect. Usually, at this point he starts listing all the areas where he has to put up with all of my mistakes and imperfections, yet I expect him to be perfect. I don't, but that's how he sees it. They say a lot of alcoholics are perfectionists who drive themselves to drink.
It's all just the quacking we talk about here. I think it's also a way of them saying, " see YOU all drive me to drink! If I wouldn't have to be around a bunch of *****s like you guys, I'd probably be sober!" Its the "deflection" thing where they want you to focus on the taco bag instead of the empty wine bottle.
The creepy thing for me, and I've learned just to be silent and disengage, is that usually the stuff he points out about IS stuff I need to work on and have a big insecurity about. And after listening to him for awhile, he puts to words what I already feel and think about myself: big fat overweight, lazy, idiot who isn't very street smart or skilled in many areas.
Usually the next day it'll come up and I'll say something about that hurting my feelings and he hangs his head in shame, shakes it, and says, " oh man really!?! I went 'there' again!?!! " still makes you wonder about the whole "drunk men tell no lies" is that really how they feel?
It's all just the quacking we talk about here. I think it's also a way of them saying, " see YOU all drive me to drink! If I wouldn't have to be around a bunch of *****s like you guys, I'd probably be sober!" Its the "deflection" thing where they want you to focus on the taco bag instead of the empty wine bottle.
The creepy thing for me, and I've learned just to be silent and disengage, is that usually the stuff he points out about IS stuff I need to work on and have a big insecurity about. And after listening to him for awhile, he puts to words what I already feel and think about myself: big fat overweight, lazy, idiot who isn't very street smart or skilled in many areas.
Usually the next day it'll come up and I'll say something about that hurting my feelings and he hangs his head in shame, shakes it, and says, " oh man really!?! I went 'there' again!?!! " still makes you wonder about the whole "drunk men tell no lies" is that really how they feel?
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 251
oh wow...yes I can relate to them forgetting conversations...all the time. I now know not to have any type of meaningful conversations after work at home with him because he won't remember half of it...and the half he remembers is how poorly I treated HIM!
I also get the "you are one of the reasons that I drink."
Torquemax: I too have learned to be silent and disengage. He hates when I disengage though because I won't add to the verbal fights...I do think some of their true feelings come out when they are drunk. But, it is mainly their insecurities...your AH is probably just scared that you will leave him so he says those mean things to lower your self esteem. My AH is trying to do that now. I am slowly creating a plan B for me to get out of this mad house.
I also get the "you are one of the reasons that I drink."
Torquemax: I too have learned to be silent and disengage. He hates when I disengage though because I won't add to the verbal fights...I do think some of their true feelings come out when they are drunk. But, it is mainly their insecurities...your AH is probably just scared that you will leave him so he says those mean things to lower your self esteem. My AH is trying to do that now. I am slowly creating a plan B for me to get out of this mad house.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hey, I think it's GREAT to laugh about these things. It defuses so much of the upset in your head.
What an idiot. He can put that on his epitaph someday: "He opened boxes the RIGHT way."
What an idiot. He can put that on his epitaph someday: "He opened boxes the RIGHT way."
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
I feel I could add a lot to this thread after 15 years with my AH....so to start with I will share this one...
My AH once booked a holiday......after discussing the night before that we wouldn't book it then as I was four months pregnant with our DD. This was 11 years ago now...sigh....
We decided, or so I thought, that we would wait for a more appropriate time to go away.
The next morning he called me from work with great excitement that the holiday was all booked and paid for....and with an air of 'how fabulous was he'!!
OMG...I am howling with laughter now at the ridiculousness of it all......
And YES we did go!
It sure feels good to have a giggle here with you guys.....as Firstly there has been so much madness with my AH (and no doubt yours too) and secondly I am having a really difficult week. The verbal abuse from AH has been turned up several notches in the last few weeks. He drinks every single night of the week! it sucks!
Thank goodness for Al anon and SR. You all keep me sane...thank you to each and everyone of you.
Take care all Phiz)
My AH once booked a holiday......after discussing the night before that we wouldn't book it then as I was four months pregnant with our DD. This was 11 years ago now...sigh....
We decided, or so I thought, that we would wait for a more appropriate time to go away.
The next morning he called me from work with great excitement that the holiday was all booked and paid for....and with an air of 'how fabulous was he'!!
OMG...I am howling with laughter now at the ridiculousness of it all......
And YES we did go!
It sure feels good to have a giggle here with you guys.....as Firstly there has been so much madness with my AH (and no doubt yours too) and secondly I am having a really difficult week. The verbal abuse from AH has been turned up several notches in the last few weeks. He drinks every single night of the week! it sucks!
Thank goodness for Al anon and SR. You all keep me sane...thank you to each and everyone of you.
Take care all Phiz
)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
My X and i owned a restaurant together. Our office was so small you had a desk, chair and file cabinet in it. I use to go in and move everything around on top of the desk, upside down or from one side to the other. Just totally rearrange it all. It use to drive him crazy, and I would come back in and it would all be in the exact place that it started. His way or the high way, never my way!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 3,699
Phiz - the thanks is mutual!
Lex - "He opened boxes the right way."
BAAHAHAHAHA
My ABF's will be
"He did the laundry the right way."
"Oh, the dishes too - all five times per year he did them."
LOL - thanks for the laughs!
Lex - "He opened boxes the right way."
BAAHAHAHAHA
My ABF's will be
"He did the laundry the right way."
"Oh, the dishes too - all five times per year he did them."
LOL - thanks for the laughs!
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: sitting down and facing front
Posts: 170
Originally Posted by firebolt 
"Oh, the dishes too - all five times per year he did them."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
Originally Posted by LexieCat
Hey, I think it's GREAT to laugh about these things. It defuses so much of the upset in your head.
What an idiot. He can put that on his epitaph someday: "He opened boxes the RIGHT way."
What an idiot. He can put that on his epitaph someday: "He opened boxes the RIGHT way."
Member
Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
My story beats all.
The XAH says: Honey (at least I think that is what he slurred)
I'm going to make some chicken for you and the boy (our son, he does have a name!)
His idea of making chicken is a box of Banquet.
Close your eyes and try to visualize the sscene.
a.The box says Preheat oven to 375
( The hell with that, lets put it on 400 and through that chicken in!)
b. Leave in oven for 35- 40 minutes
( nap time)
c. One hour goes by
(What's that smell....is something burning?)
e. Open oven, cloud of smoke
f. Puts on plate, 1/2 falls on floor
g. Picks up pieces from floor and puts on plate.
h. rearranges and tells me its done
------little does he know myself and son have been watching the whole time-
I. He yells "If you guys don't want any, more for me!"
j. He does not eat, leaves the room angry, passes out in his room.
k. Leaves me with the mess all over the kitchen, chicken pieces still on floor, oven not turned off all the way so pilot light blows out.
l. He wakes up 4 hours later-remembers nothing-actually has the nerve to ask me " What's for dinner?"
j. 13 years later- my son and I are on our own.
k. My X will always be in my heart but for now he has to help himself
L-Z continued at later time
The XAH says: Honey (at least I think that is what he slurred)
I'm going to make some chicken for you and the boy (our son, he does have a name!)
His idea of making chicken is a box of Banquet.
Close your eyes and try to visualize the sscene.
a.The box says Preheat oven to 375
( The hell with that, lets put it on 400 and through that chicken in!)
b. Leave in oven for 35- 40 minutes
( nap time)
c. One hour goes by
(What's that smell....is something burning?)
e. Open oven, cloud of smoke
f. Puts on plate, 1/2 falls on floor
g. Picks up pieces from floor and puts on plate.
h. rearranges and tells me its done
------little does he know myself and son have been watching the whole time-
I. He yells "If you guys don't want any, more for me!"
j. He does not eat, leaves the room angry, passes out in his room.
k. Leaves me with the mess all over the kitchen, chicken pieces still on floor, oven not turned off all the way so pilot light blows out.
l. He wakes up 4 hours later-remembers nothing-actually has the nerve to ask me " What's for dinner?"
j. 13 years later- my son and I are on our own.
k. My X will always be in my heart
but for now he has to help himself L-Z continued at later time
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
Great story airwick! I don't know if you learned all the "tools" back then, but had that happened today, I bet you would have left the mess for him to clean up no matter how many "days" it took! Hee hee! ;-)
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