LexieCat

Your boundary sounds fine--you told her to leave, right? And she did, right?

Boundaries don't guarantee they will never get crossed, they just tell you when you need to take some action to protect yourself. They did, you did, and you had a few minutes of her nonsense, not a whole evening of it.

Good for you!

And yes, see a lawyer. It doesn't commit you to ANYTHING, but with information about your and her respective rights and obligations, you will be in a much better position to make decisions.

freetosmile

I really like this thread-- I am planning on setting some boundaries for myself and this is very helpful.

I am happy for you that you have made this choice. I agree with everyone else... no matter what your codie brain is telling you STICK WITH THE BOUNDARY!!

It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders.

When I came to SR I never anticipated that I would stick around, but to be honest, it's my home away from home. I love it here and the support is just a God sent.
So please keep coming-

YOU deserve it!

Pebbles2012

Lexiecat I did tell her to leave but that was after I smelled her breath and she slapped me after I asked her if she was drinking. I recently read my old posts and each time I posted I described what was going on. Basically it's been the same for 3 yrs with some very small good parts in between. My wife continuously brings up our vows and how it's through sickness and health. It's funny that she brings out wedding vows and accuses me of cheating which has always been her accusation when drinking has been an issue. She wonders why I won't have sex with her, why I'm cold and distant. This isn't a marriage at all anymore. I'm so incredibly thankful that I moved out.

freetosmile

She slapped you!?

No way-- that's abuse- plain and simple!

I'm glad for you that you moved out- you don't need that crap in your life.

LexieCat

OK, just a little feedback. If you smelled her breath and observed she had been drinking, then why ask her? Your boundary had been crossed, you could have simply told her, at that point, that she needed to leave--the question/accusation wasn't necessary.

And there is NO excuse for her slapping you. free is right--that is physical abuse and you don't need to stand for it. If there is a history of physical/verbal abuse, you COULD obtain a protective order, most likely, which would bar her from contacting you, coming to your home, etc. You can get more information by calling your family court or your local shelter. DV programs provide services to anyone who is a victim of domestic violence, even if the name of the program refers to "battered women."

CodeJob

Hi Pebbles,

Have you read codependent no more by Beattie? We post from her daily reader called Language of Letting Go each day in this thread (thanks HoneyPig!). I find a daily reading helps me start my day with something to think on. I might end my day in a Codie attack, but I at least set my sights high at the start.

I put down some harsh boundaries after reading Codie No More twice.... Some of my first boundaries were a bit over the top. Oh well. .

firebolt

I'm so sorry you went through that. You have every right to have her removed and arrested. It is NOT OK for her to hit you - ever! I'm so glad you are out of there.

I bet your new place is very, very peaceful. I fantasize daily about what it will be like to wake up in a bedroom that doesn't smell like a slow death, about what it will be like not to hear a new vodka bottle crack open every other day, or not hearing the freezer door open 15 times per day. Can you tell i'm envious of you? Keep it up - you're doing the right things!!

Pebbles2012

After numerous texts/calls the wife is now threatening to do harm to herself. I told her yesterday that I need a few weeks for myself with no contact and last night and I get a handful of texts that are borderline crazy. She has threatened suicide before, mostly when drinking though. In the past when she did this I told her that I would call the police or 911 if she continued to threaten it. There is a history of bipolar disorder in her family and the craziness is definitely showing itself. Meanwhile I'm sitting here chillin in my own place enjoying the peace and quiet.

I've had bouts of sadness come and go once I realize what has become of our marriage. I'm in awe of her actions. I could never go back to her after seeing this side of her. It would be a very poor decision.

Seren

Hello Pebbles!

I'm really sorry she is putting you through this. I think you do need to call 911 if she continues to threaten to harm herself. If she is threatening self harm to manipulate you, she won't do it anymore. If she is really thinking or planning on hurting herself, she will receive the help she needs.

Refiner

If you told her you'd call 911 you need to do that.

SHETRIM

Now, continue to make decisions based on what is best for YOUR OWN overall welfare (not based on what you want her reaction to be).

Really good piece of advice from Dandylion above perhaps others including me can take heed of this

Wishing you well Pebbles2012 life is not easy when you split run or stay good for you in trying to set boundaries

Hugs