firebolt

Hi All - thought i'd post an update. It seems as though i'm becoming a long time member, and while that is not what I wanted to be when I started, I am eternally grateful for all of the information and support here.

When I got to SR, I was living with an alcoholic boyfriend, and working for an alcoholic boss. Needless to say, home and work life were hell. I did not leave either situation. I found out that I suffered a couple of anxiety attacks, after going to the to the doc thinking I had had a heart attack. I felt like I was in hell. I kept in here learning, and went to Alanon consistently for 2 months once per week after suggestion to do it from SR. I ordered 12 suggested books, and read them all.

I have learned so much - more than I ever wanted to about alcoholism and codependency. I did not continue Alanon, because in my small town, it was only 4 people, and all were happy living with their A. I don't want to be happy living with my A. I want out, and that is up to me. I do miss Alanon from time to time - the strength, program and support, and may try a meeting in a bigger town 10 miles away.

Last January, my boss quit drinking. Work has been more of a roller coaster ride in the last year of her sobriety than it had been in the last decade of her drinking. It was SO HARD. But now, things are planing out. She is very active in AA, and she is turning into a wonderful human being. I am slowly forgiving, and much less angry and defensive with her. I see a beautiful future ahead for us if we both keep this up. Work (lately) is fantastic and fulfilling.

Last April, my father was diagnosed with a terminal brain tumor. He is 63, and has gone downhill in the last year of going through chemo, steroids, brain surgery - all that crap. Yesterday, we found out the tumor is growing again...and so begins a new chemo treatment. I don't have many words right now on this. Him and his father are the most wonderful men i've ever known. My family (and friends) are amazing. I feel so lucky in so many ways. This is so painful and difficult, and I am terrified for my family and I to go through this. Crying now, so I will leave that there.

ABF is still ABF and I am still here. There are good and bad days. I am good at detatching (but still don't get the "with love" part.) I still want out. I am still paralyzed with making that move. I don't know if I can deal with dad's heath and leaving ABF at the same time (ABF IS some support there, for sure.) I still just need to do it. It will come, I have immense faith in that.

I am taking care of myself. Working on quitting smoking with Welbutrin, bought an elliptical and a 1 man pontoon boat, and have indulged in some retail therapy. I've been fishing, working on my motorcycle, and enjoying friends, family, crap TV, and myself. I am being very good to myself, and taking care of my needs including spiritually.

Thats all I got - I know it sounds flat, and there isn't a ton of progress on my part on the home front. I am semi ok with just being for now, as long as I have goals and am working towards them. Thanks again SR...i shudder to think where I would be without you all.

lillamy

This actually made me laugh because boy howdy, don't I feel exactly the same way!!! Yep. Reluctant experts, that's what we become.

I'm very sorry to hear about your father. It's so difficult to lose your parents at any age, but at such a young age, too, it must be heartbreaking. I do hope you have time to be there and just spend time with him, just be with him.

Not a ton of progress? I don't know. I think living through this time with your father being sick, seeing your boss in recovery, and detaching from your ABF -- that sounds like progress to me. It sounds like you're taking care of yourself and that you're doing OK, even if you don't feel happy and content. Sounds like you're making good progress. (And take that from someone who was an SR and Al-Anon member for about three years before working up the wherewithal to even decide I wanted to leave!)

HopefulinFLA

Hey Firebolt! Nice to hear from you.

It's great to hear that your boss had found sobriety. That just makes life so much easier considering how much time we all spend at work. Forgiving and letting go is great progress!

The abf situation will work itself out in time. When you're ready to make a change you will know it's time.

Sorry to hear that your father us not doing well. I will keep your family in my thoughts and prayers.

FireSprite

I read great progress in this update!!! You sound so calm & centered & capable of taking on whatever life throws your way. That's HUGE! ((((HUGS))))

firebolt

Thanks guys it's been a long road. Lil, my family is so lucky for a couple reasons...we are all within 3 hours of eachother, and we had some notice to spend lots and lots of time together. Thats what we've been doing...taking lots of pictures, sharing lots of meals, just being together. THAT has been amazing!

Butterfly

((((Hugs)))) firebolt.

hopeful4

It's great to hear from you! I am so sorry about your dad, that is very sad. I can see how that majorly adds to the stress factor.

However....it sounds like you are taking good care of yourself and handling things a day at a time, which is super great!

Hugs!