How I feel today ^_^
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 85
How I feel today ^_^
Hey guys.
It's been a few days. Day 10 of no contact almost over and I feel pretty good.
I just got a new house. I'm getting everything in order. It's all very nice. And sitting here I was thinking... I totally earned it. >_< I've done good responsible things with my time and money and I'm proud of that. Meanwhile, he has nothing but debt, and a bottle.
I still miss him. I still miss what he was to me (sober) but I'm starting to see that he is missing a few circuits. And he can't be that guy as long as he's pinned by alcohol and insane logic caused by it. I'm okay with it though. Because I doubt anyone else will get any better out of him.
The days don't seem to linger anymore and actually have began to pick up pace. I'm more then sure he will try to get ahold of me at some point but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy the peace. Still sad but it's peaceful. I noticed the yesterday (selfie hour) that even my looks have changed drastically compared to pictures taken only a few weeks before. It's all better.
I don't really feel like keeping on my side of the street anymore (as in watching what I do) I kinda feel like I should just own the whole road and post NO DRUNKARDS everywhere >_< idk how long it will last. I was just writing to say I think the world is gonna be okay.
It's been a few days. Day 10 of no contact almost over and I feel pretty good.
I just got a new house. I'm getting everything in order. It's all very nice. And sitting here I was thinking... I totally earned it. >_< I've done good responsible things with my time and money and I'm proud of that. Meanwhile, he has nothing but debt, and a bottle.
I still miss him. I still miss what he was to me (sober) but I'm starting to see that he is missing a few circuits. And he can't be that guy as long as he's pinned by alcohol and insane logic caused by it. I'm okay with it though. Because I doubt anyone else will get any better out of him.
The days don't seem to linger anymore and actually have began to pick up pace. I'm more then sure he will try to get ahold of me at some point but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. Right now I'm just trying to enjoy the peace. Still sad but it's peaceful. I noticed the yesterday (selfie hour) that even my looks have changed drastically compared to pictures taken only a few weeks before. It's all better.
I don't really feel like keeping on my side of the street anymore (as in watching what I do) I kinda feel like I should just own the whole road and post NO DRUNKARDS everywhere >_< idk how long it will last. I was just writing to say I think the world is gonna be okay.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
OMG- God totally pulled me to this post.
I just wasn't ready to close SR yet and call it a night. So I just scolled down and saw this. Wondered what it was all about.
Your words gave me so much comfort and strength. It's soooo nice to know that I am actually doing the RIGHT thing, ya know? I mean I know that leaving is right...but God knew that I REALLY needed the reaffirmation that life without them is sooo much better.
UGH. Mine is trying to suck me back in at the moment, and I'm just dreading it. Dreading it because of own weakened strength right now and because I love who he is when he is calm in his core.
I am so happy for you!! You derserve peace. I don't know you, but I do know that you are a human being and like everything else in this universe, derserve happiness. And yes, dammit you did earn this!
Good on ya!
Hugs and thanks for this post!
I just wasn't ready to close SR yet and call it a night. So I just scolled down and saw this. Wondered what it was all about.
Your words gave me so much comfort and strength. It's soooo nice to know that I am actually doing the RIGHT thing, ya know? I mean I know that leaving is right...but God knew that I REALLY needed the reaffirmation that life without them is sooo much better.
UGH. Mine is trying to suck me back in at the moment, and I'm just dreading it. Dreading it because of own weakened strength right now and because I love who he is when he is calm in his core.
I am so happy for you!! You derserve peace. I don't know you, but I do know that you are a human being and like everything else in this universe, derserve happiness. And yes, dammit you did earn this!
Good on ya!
Hugs and thanks for this post!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: oklahoma
Posts: 85
I was worried about when mine would try to suck me back in as well and I had a few thoughts while driving.
its not that I personally feel that life is better without him because I'd love life with him were he in his right mind but it's better to just get out of the way because... I tried to shield him from his own sickness. Hide him in a box from it and keep it out. But it comes from the inside. Can't hide him when the rot comes from within.
Then I pictured it kinda like him being trapped in a mirror box kinda thing (I think a lot so this is probably gonna get a little out there lol). He can't see me. I have no reflection in this box. But I've been shielding him from his own reflection. IE the addiction. And it totally knows I'm there. It knows I'm trying to keep the two separate and that's exactly what it wants because when I'm there trying, it just keeps him huddled in the corner. Gotta let the two collide or else nothing will break other then you getting battered and torn to pieces. I still love him. And if he tries to suck me back in I gotta remember.
Is it him? Or is it the reflection needing a drape?
its not that I personally feel that life is better without him because I'd love life with him were he in his right mind but it's better to just get out of the way because... I tried to shield him from his own sickness. Hide him in a box from it and keep it out. But it comes from the inside. Can't hide him when the rot comes from within.
Then I pictured it kinda like him being trapped in a mirror box kinda thing (I think a lot so this is probably gonna get a little out there lol). He can't see me. I have no reflection in this box. But I've been shielding him from his own reflection. IE the addiction. And it totally knows I'm there. It knows I'm trying to keep the two separate and that's exactly what it wants because when I'm there trying, it just keeps him huddled in the corner. Gotta let the two collide or else nothing will break other then you getting battered and torn to pieces. I still love him. And if he tries to suck me back in I gotta remember.
Is it him? Or is it the reflection needing a drape?
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Exactly.
When I saw that there was NOTHING I could do for my second husband, who went back to drinking after almost dying from it, I envisioned placing him in his Higher Power's hands. He had his own Higher Power, and I wasn't it.
When I saw that there was NOTHING I could do for my second husband, who went back to drinking after almost dying from it, I envisioned placing him in his Higher Power's hands. He had his own Higher Power, and I wasn't it.
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