TalenCrowhaven

It looks like there are several issues here.

One issue of concern may also be where you decide to set boundaries if you're dealing with manipulation. Children can be a very useful tool of engagement. Every time an understood boundary is re-hashed or moved, you have to engage with your ex.

This is not a visit with a "normal" dad.

LightInside

Well, he has my verbal consent via text and I asked a couple/few questions. There was no real reason to say No. I'm not worried this person will harm DS while supervised. Given X's gf selection history, she's probably sweet, brilliant, and clueless. Maybe she goes to Al Anon though.

Liveitwell

I would say no-the orders prohibit it so "no". If you give on this, what's next? Just my opinion.

LexieCat

No, she said the order says not without her consent. It doesn't "prohibit" it. She's agreeing. Not a problem.

LightInside

Ha. She didn't even come because of a "scratchy throat" and he didn't mention a word of this to the visitation supervisor. Sometimes I swear he does this stuff just to try and get my goat.

Just like him to start a relationship at the beginning of sobriety.

LexieCat

Ok, no worries, then. She didn't come, so it's a non-issue.

Maybe he was testing to see what your response would be, or maybe she really DID have a scratchy throat and didn't want to give a cold to the kiddo (possibly creating a problem for dad). I think you made the right call.

hopeful4

Have you thought of requesting to meet and speak with her first, and make a decision from there?

I did not want my X's gf (now fiancée) around my kids at first, but after I met her I realized she is really a quite nice person and my kids like her a lot more than their own father LOL. It sort of broke up the tension of being around just him, which they were not usto. My kids are older so I realize it is much different.

Anyways, that's my .02, I would ask to meet her and decide from there.

Good luck! It's good to hear from you, take care!

Refiner

How did it go, LightInside? Was she there for an hour of the visit? While I didn't see your post until now, I would have been tempted to go ahead and say "yes" that she can be there, but question him as to why he would want an hour of his visit to have the focus taken off his relationship with his son when he sees him so little ;-)

Oh, just saw your post that she was a no-show. LOL.

Readreadread

My only thought is that it is good to be careful. If it were my ex he would have something up his sleeve like having his new gf be the superviser and that is why he is building the relationship, so he doesn't have to be accountable. My ex also had a difficult time being alone and almost needs someone to keep him afloat. He, however, fakes recovery so this may not be an issue for you... Wondering if you should ask the supervision center what their policy is. My stbxah also had supervised visits that he can't seem to wiggle out of anyways. Probably just part of the game, most likely harm will be done.

Readreadread

I meant to say most likely no harm will be done with 1 visit... As we all know, A's have a hard time with any relationships...

LightInside

I just don't have the heart to meet this woman. I was crushed with this breakup. I'm still not over it. I am sure the new woman is wonderful. My X has great taste in girlfriends. I will only compare myself to her if I meet her. I already do. I have much more recovery work to do (kinda hard to meet with sponsors as singlet mom). I already do therapy & meetings though.

I am not worried at all about gf becoming supervisor. Professional only until 6 months after he completes treatment, then only his mom or sister can supervise for 6 months. It's all outlined in our parenting plan.