issues with sponsors, jobs and me!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 36
issues with sponsors, jobs and me!
Hi All
Grateful member of Al-Anon for over 2 years.
I am having some issues with my sponsor. I call her once a day to basically talk about the daily reading and any minor issues I'm having. Well in theory thats what I am supposed to do. I am frustrated because I start to tell her about a bad day and all she does is cuts me off halfway through and says I need to pray about it or write about it. She has been my sponsor for over 6 months and I feel like she doesn't even know me.
I am going through a big one at the moment. I work for my father in a small organization. My RAH also works there. I work in marketing and he works as a telemarketer. But there is a sales person there that my father is in constant fear that he will leave, so basically any random demand this guy makes my dad just agrees and stands by in fear of losing his main source of income. Well my husband and I were working together on a new data base (for marketing purposes) and it was really going well. Shockingly enough I was having a good time working with my husband. But since this sales guy is my husbands "Boss", he thought I was taking my husbands focus away from telemarketing...when in reality all we were trying to do was optimize the system for the future interns that would be telemarketing as well.
This guy micromanages the crap out of everyone, and started to do so heavily with my husband. He would say "Don't say 'How are you" on the phone!" or "NOPE! Don't say that" and it was getting rather annoying. My husband recently lost about 30 lbs because he was getting high cholesterol and became pre-diabetic. So he lost the weight for health reasons...but this guy gives him crap for wearing "baggy" pants. They literally don't fit anymore buddy. This guy shows up late and leaves early, is constantly hungover and is, frankly, a jackass to everyone. The cursing in this office is awful. The dirty jokes on the phone to customers and providers is disgusting. Its an office of 6 people so its pretty much been this way for a loooong time. So on thursday after another person said "no thanks" to my husbands telemarketing call, he hangs up and says SARCASTICALLY "f*ck you and your f*cking cloud then" and his boss comes out and basically says that thats not acceptable language and he needs to change it. My husband basically looks at him like ... are you kidding me? He asks for him to not talk to him like that anymore and he blows up. Tells my husband to grab his sh*t and get out, he's fired.
All of this is going on and i have my door closed. I'm so confused and angry as to whats going on. Then my husband leaves (after letting me know what happened) and my dad comes into my office. He tells me "not to do anything stupid" and that my husband can go on unemployment because "the marketing department shut down" (sarcastically). He starts telling me that he'll pay for me to finish university and will give me a raise and will make it better. Throws money at the issue.
I take the rest of the day off and the next day too. Now I'm at a cross road. I kept my hands out of this one but I can't sit by and do this. I am so angry.
Any suggestions? because my sponsor won't listen to me long enough to hear this story.
Grateful member of Al-Anon for over 2 years.
I am having some issues with my sponsor. I call her once a day to basically talk about the daily reading and any minor issues I'm having. Well in theory thats what I am supposed to do. I am frustrated because I start to tell her about a bad day and all she does is cuts me off halfway through and says I need to pray about it or write about it. She has been my sponsor for over 6 months and I feel like she doesn't even know me.
I am going through a big one at the moment. I work for my father in a small organization. My RAH also works there. I work in marketing and he works as a telemarketer. But there is a sales person there that my father is in constant fear that he will leave, so basically any random demand this guy makes my dad just agrees and stands by in fear of losing his main source of income. Well my husband and I were working together on a new data base (for marketing purposes) and it was really going well. Shockingly enough I was having a good time working with my husband. But since this sales guy is my husbands "Boss", he thought I was taking my husbands focus away from telemarketing...when in reality all we were trying to do was optimize the system for the future interns that would be telemarketing as well.
This guy micromanages the crap out of everyone, and started to do so heavily with my husband. He would say "Don't say 'How are you" on the phone!" or "NOPE! Don't say that" and it was getting rather annoying. My husband recently lost about 30 lbs because he was getting high cholesterol and became pre-diabetic. So he lost the weight for health reasons...but this guy gives him crap for wearing "baggy" pants. They literally don't fit anymore buddy. This guy shows up late and leaves early, is constantly hungover and is, frankly, a jackass to everyone. The cursing in this office is awful. The dirty jokes on the phone to customers and providers is disgusting. Its an office of 6 people so its pretty much been this way for a loooong time. So on thursday after another person said "no thanks" to my husbands telemarketing call, he hangs up and says SARCASTICALLY "f*ck you and your f*cking cloud then" and his boss comes out and basically says that thats not acceptable language and he needs to change it. My husband basically looks at him like ... are you kidding me? He asks for him to not talk to him like that anymore and he blows up. Tells my husband to grab his sh*t and get out, he's fired.
All of this is going on and i have my door closed. I'm so confused and angry as to whats going on. Then my husband leaves (after letting me know what happened) and my dad comes into my office. He tells me "not to do anything stupid" and that my husband can go on unemployment because "the marketing department shut down" (sarcastically). He starts telling me that he'll pay for me to finish university and will give me a raise and will make it better. Throws money at the issue.
I take the rest of the day off and the next day too. Now I'm at a cross road. I kept my hands out of this one but I can't sit by and do this. I am so angry.
Any suggestions? because my sponsor won't listen to me long enough to hear this story.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
It looks like is more an issue between your husband and his boss than anything else.
Have you considered looking for another job where you won't have to deal with hubby, daddy and jackass hangover marketing guy?
Have you considered looking for another job where you won't have to deal with hubby, daddy and jackass hangover marketing guy?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I agree........it's between your husband and his boss, would be wrong for you to interfere. Regarding your sponsor, is she trying to get you to work the program instead of asking her advice? In early sobriety my AA sponsor frequently cut me off and referred me to a step which did help in recovery.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 328
Luri - I haven't been in your exact situation but close enough to sympathize. My Dad & I worked for the same company. He was laid off after working there for many, many years and helped to build the company. I was so hurt. I couldn't see how I could continue to work for this company. Ultimately I decided that to quit would only hurt myself and my kids. Maybe your husband could look at this as an opportunity to get away from such a horrible boss. Take what your Dad offered so that you can get yourself into a better position for the future. I know it's hard.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Luri- I am sorry that you reached out to your sponsor and she "blows" you off. Sponsors are there to listen and not judge. My sponsor use to say all the time, pray and I will pray also. Well, I couldn't take it any longer. If I heard that one more time I was going to scream.
Maybe its time to look for another sponsor. People switch all the time. You need her and her support, so if it's not there find someone else.
Not to sure what to say about work. It really is none of your business. The guy is an axx and the longer your Dad accepts this behavior nothing will change. One thing I always say to myself is when in doubt, dont. I would try and mind my own business. This guy will eventually sink his own ship, might not be as soon as you had hoped, but he will, be patient.
Do what you feel is right, in your gut, as you have to live with the consequences.
Maybe its time to look for another sponsor. People switch all the time. You need her and her support, so if it's not there find someone else.
Not to sure what to say about work. It really is none of your business. The guy is an axx and the longer your Dad accepts this behavior nothing will change. One thing I always say to myself is when in doubt, dont. I would try and mind my own business. This guy will eventually sink his own ship, might not be as soon as you had hoped, but he will, be patient.
Do what you feel is right, in your gut, as you have to live with the consequences.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello!
My sponsor has never once cut me off. We do pray at the end of our conversations but usually she does it in such a way that she highlights my short term path to keep my cool in whatever yarn we've been untangling. I'm pretty independent and I don't talk with her daily either... You could kindly seek another sponsor...
Your work sounds sick with sick behaviors. Work is really where I started to learn to cut my co dependencies before I tackled my home. However, would you want to go to university? Would that be worth it? In your story, I see that as one forward path.
My sponsor has never once cut me off. We do pray at the end of our conversations but usually she does it in such a way that she highlights my short term path to keep my cool in whatever yarn we've been untangling. I'm pretty independent and I don't talk with her daily either... You could kindly seek another sponsor...
Your work sounds sick with sick behaviors. Work is really where I started to learn to cut my co dependencies before I tackled my home. However, would you want to go to university? Would that be worth it? In your story, I see that as one forward path.
●▬๑۩۩๑▬●
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 1,405
Sponsors are not therapists, life coaches, or business consultants...they are there to help guide you through working the steps.
It sounds as if your husband was dismissed unfairly. Someone who is a good salesperson is not necessarily a good leader and shouldn't be in a position of having power. They are just an employee that you pay well. But, your father who is the owner of the business? has allowed this. And, unless your father has offered all of the other coworkers raises and tuition, the whole thing reeks of nepotism and he is creating an atmosphere of resentment. I would start looking into other opportunities for employment just to see what is available in your field or even something new.
It sounds as if your husband was dismissed unfairly. Someone who is a good salesperson is not necessarily a good leader and shouldn't be in a position of having power. They are just an employee that you pay well. But, your father who is the owner of the business? has allowed this. And, unless your father has offered all of the other coworkers raises and tuition, the whole thing reeks of nepotism and he is creating an atmosphere of resentment. I would start looking into other opportunities for employment just to see what is available in your field or even something new.
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
Originally Posted by cynical one 
Sponsors are not therapists, life coaches, or business consultants...they are there to help guide you through working the steps.
And when they start playing Therapists, Life Coaches, and Business Consultants . . . then you both have a Whole Other Problem.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: NC
Posts: 1,737
Luri,
I think the consensus is right on this one: it is between your husband and his employer. The fact that you work at the same place and are related to the owner are irrelevant. The only thing that you will accomplish by acting out is that you jeopardize the only income your family has at this point.
Let your husband move on to his next job, it is probably better that your family not have all its income coming from a single company. Let it be, and in the meantime consider your time at work to be spiritual exercise towards acceptance of those things you cannot control.
I think the consensus is right on this one: it is between your husband and his employer. The fact that you work at the same place and are related to the owner are irrelevant. The only thing that you will accomplish by acting out is that you jeopardize the only income your family has at this point.
Let your husband move on to his next job, it is probably better that your family not have all its income coming from a single company. Let it be, and in the meantime consider your time at work to be spiritual exercise towards acceptance of those things you cannot control.
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