kids are hurting and I am hurting
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: CA
Posts: 215
I don't know how to feel about it just yet. Like the sheriff said, the proof is in the pudding. (never understood what the hell that term meant..I mean I know it means "I'll believe it when I see it-- but why pudding?)
Old fashioned pudding takes a long time to cook and stir and come together to make pudding. It takes a long time to get to pudding stage. The proof comes when it is finally finished and is thick and creamy or *pudding* Otherwise its just a sloppy mess. I believe the term implies that long time and the final result. Makes perfect sense in reference to waiting to see the final result. Hence the term *the proof is in the pudding* I'm so glad he seems to be on board. The proof is in the final outcome of lots and lots of work!
Old fashioned pudding takes a long time to cook and stir and come together to make pudding. It takes a long time to get to pudding stage. The proof comes when it is finally finished and is thick and creamy or *pudding* Otherwise its just a sloppy mess. I believe the term implies that long time and the final result. Makes perfect sense in reference to waiting to see the final result. Hence the term *the proof is in the pudding* I'm so glad he seems to be on board. The proof is in the final outcome of lots and lots of work!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
So has nailed the meaning--
too much heat the pudding scalds and burns.
too little time / heat it doesn't come together right and is lumpy, not creamy
it's actually a pretty good metaphor for human behavior.
Thinking of you free and sending you good wishes for quick healing.
I think the first test of his pudding will be if he truly respects the No Contact order.
Do stick to your therapist and face support like glue.
As always, we've got you back.
too much heat the pudding scalds and burns.
too little time / heat it doesn't come together right and is lumpy, not creamy
it's actually a pretty good metaphor for human behavior.
Thinking of you free and sending you good wishes for quick healing.
I think the first test of his pudding will be if he truly respects the No Contact order.
Do stick to your therapist and face support like glue.
As always, we've got you back.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Hi, free,
Sorry about the infection--it's always tougher to cope with things when you're feeling lousy, physically. I'm glad the only conversation between you was in the presence of the sheriff. Remember, this conversation was meant to impress BOTH of you. It is to his BENEFIT right now to appear to be as sincere and remorseful as possible. Remember that he probably still has seething resentment underneath--and that's true whether he wants to change or not. There's a reason so much of the 12 Steps are centered on dealing with resentments--they don't go away because someone gets sober.
Keep that bail condition in place until his case is resolved--and if it is resolved with a plea/probation or diversion or something like that, ask to have no-contact be made a condition of the disposition. And batterers' intervention treatment should be part of that, too--not just alcohol treatment.
And I second dandy's suggestion about sticking close to the advocate--even after the case is over. It's always very tempting to believe that your partner is the one who will "make it"--become a partner who's safe, sane, and sober. The odds aren't good that that will happen. You have a lot to lose, and taking him back increases the risk dramatically.
Hugs, hope you feel better soon.
Sorry about the infection--it's always tougher to cope with things when you're feeling lousy, physically. I'm glad the only conversation between you was in the presence of the sheriff. Remember, this conversation was meant to impress BOTH of you. It is to his BENEFIT right now to appear to be as sincere and remorseful as possible. Remember that he probably still has seething resentment underneath--and that's true whether he wants to change or not. There's a reason so much of the 12 Steps are centered on dealing with resentments--they don't go away because someone gets sober.
Keep that bail condition in place until his case is resolved--and if it is resolved with a plea/probation or diversion or something like that, ask to have no-contact be made a condition of the disposition. And batterers' intervention treatment should be part of that, too--not just alcohol treatment.
And I second dandy's suggestion about sticking close to the advocate--even after the case is over. It's always very tempting to believe that your partner is the one who will "make it"--become a partner who's safe, sane, and sober. The odds aren't good that that will happen. You have a lot to lose, and taking him back increases the risk dramatically.
Hugs, hope you feel better soon.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
I just want to underline everything that Lexie has just said. She has had experience with this.
Sorry about that kidney infection. There is nothing like sustained stress to cause the immune system to plummet.....!
damdylion
Sorry about that kidney infection. There is nothing like sustained stress to cause the immune system to plummet.....!
damdylion
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