Dream Analysis 101
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Dream Analysis 101
I had a dream last night that's left me more than a bit rattled, and I thought if I shared it here with you all, it might help me process it, and let it go.
My STBXAH and I were in a car, driving through some back roads looking for something. It's unclear what that was. We were slightly lost, but that was fine. We didn't mind exploring the unknown back roads.
He was driving.
As the dream progressed we came upon more and more tunnels and overpasses where the openings were completely covered with vines and foliage. So covered that we were unable to see through these tunnels. My husband would drive the car slowly through the foliage out to the other side and we would progress along the road.
Eventually we came upon a long tunnel where, not only the opening was overgrown, but the entire inside of the tunnel was overgrown as well.
My husband progressed through. When we reached the other side we realized we were in an enclosed sort of area with a cliff on one side of the narrow road, and a deep ravine on the other.
At this point my husband and I were both standing outside of the car. I watched as he tried to physically muscle the car around so that we could drive back out through the tunnel, but the road was narrow, and he wasn't strong enough. He started getting frustrated and then began to push the car over the edge.
I ran over to help him turn the car around. He was so frustrated.
I grabbed on to him and held him tight and kept saying "All I wanted to do was love you, all I wanted to do was love you."
Then I woke up.
I know. It's not very complicated symbolism. Is it?
This sucks. There's nothing worse than a sad dream. I'd take a scary dream over a sad dream any day. But, I have to be realistic. I just signed my divorce agreement three days ago. Yes, that day went well, but aren't I suppose to be sad? (Odd bit of SK trivia here... I often have a three day lag period on my emotions. Hmmm. Maybe I should have seen this coming.)
I just wish I knew how long this was going to last. These waves of unannounced grieving (because that's what it is) wear me out. When these thoughts come in dream form I feel like I'm sabotaging myself. Like there's nothing I can do to prevent them. Like I'm my own worst enemy.
There are two SeriousKarmas. One that understands intellectually that my STBXAH has chosen to let his disease go undressed, and that choice has irrevocably damaged our marriage. And the other, a toddler, without intellectual capabilities. Who still thinks that if she cries long enough, loud enough, and with enough conviction she can change the past.
Last night, with that dream, the toddler SK won.
My STBXAH and I were in a car, driving through some back roads looking for something. It's unclear what that was. We were slightly lost, but that was fine. We didn't mind exploring the unknown back roads.
He was driving.
As the dream progressed we came upon more and more tunnels and overpasses where the openings were completely covered with vines and foliage. So covered that we were unable to see through these tunnels. My husband would drive the car slowly through the foliage out to the other side and we would progress along the road.
Eventually we came upon a long tunnel where, not only the opening was overgrown, but the entire inside of the tunnel was overgrown as well.
My husband progressed through. When we reached the other side we realized we were in an enclosed sort of area with a cliff on one side of the narrow road, and a deep ravine on the other.
At this point my husband and I were both standing outside of the car. I watched as he tried to physically muscle the car around so that we could drive back out through the tunnel, but the road was narrow, and he wasn't strong enough. He started getting frustrated and then began to push the car over the edge.
I ran over to help him turn the car around. He was so frustrated.
I grabbed on to him and held him tight and kept saying "All I wanted to do was love you, all I wanted to do was love you."
Then I woke up.
I know. It's not very complicated symbolism. Is it?
This sucks. There's nothing worse than a sad dream. I'd take a scary dream over a sad dream any day. But, I have to be realistic. I just signed my divorce agreement three days ago. Yes, that day went well, but aren't I suppose to be sad? (Odd bit of SK trivia here... I often have a three day lag period on my emotions. Hmmm. Maybe I should have seen this coming.)
I just wish I knew how long this was going to last. These waves of unannounced grieving (because that's what it is) wear me out. When these thoughts come in dream form I feel like I'm sabotaging myself. Like there's nothing I can do to prevent them. Like I'm my own worst enemy.
There are two SeriousKarmas. One that understands intellectually that my STBXAH has chosen to let his disease go undressed, and that choice has irrevocably damaged our marriage. And the other, a toddler, without intellectual capabilities. Who still thinks that if she cries long enough, loud enough, and with enough conviction she can change the past.
Last night, with that dream, the toddler SK won.
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That is too funny! That woman looks happier than a dog with it's ears flapping in the wind. Thank you so much, Solomio.
I sooooooooooo needed that!!!!!!!!
I sooooooooooo needed that!!!!!!!!
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((((hugs)))))
I think we all have those two people inside of us, Karma.
And grief sucks.
I wish there was a fast forward button on it.
But as it is, the fastest way is still straight through.
I think we all have those two people inside of us, Karma.
And grief sucks.
I wish there was a fast forward button on it.
But as it is, the fastest way is still straight through.
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Originally Posted by lillamy 
((((hugs)))))
I think we all have those two people inside of us, Karma.
And grief sucks.
I wish there was a fast forward button on it.
But as it is, the fastest way is still straight through.
I think we all have those two people inside of us, Karma.
And grief sucks.
I wish there was a fast forward button on it.
But as it is, the fastest way is still straight through.
True.
And, as SoloMio's picture points out, as long as we have cool sunglasses to cover our puffy eyes we'll be fine.
Thanks Lillamy
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S- I know that you are sad that your stxah has chosen alcohol over you. I always wanted to know that my XAH loved me also. I have a few comments below, not sure if you have seen me post them before, they are from A's. I hope this helps!!
I never stopped loving my family, but the thought of living without alcohol was so overwhelmingly terrifying I was willing to put my relationship with them at risk to keep drinking. That fear was absolutely irrational, but absolutely real.
Yes, they still love us BUT...they have no capacity to SHOW love when in disease. Love is a verb.....that means it’s an action word. Addicts and Alcoholics are incapable of taking loving action towards others when they do not love themselves. They love and they love deeply, but they don't know how to express it because alcoholism has kept them emotionally immature.
His behavior is completely unacceptable and it is 100% typical of an alcoholic. We make terrible partners because - and this will be hard for you to hear - we love alcohol far more than we love our own partners. We will sacrifice anything, relationships with family, our business, our self respect, anything, to feed our addiction. We can't help it, alcohol takes over our brains and we do not think rationally. The ONLY way to break the ever spiraling situation is to stop drinking immediately and never drink again. Then with time we can learn to see straight again, think rationally again and eventually rebuild our lives.
I never stopped loving my family, but the thought of living without alcohol was so overwhelmingly terrifying I was willing to put my relationship with them at risk to keep drinking. That fear was absolutely irrational, but absolutely real.
Yes, they still love us BUT...they have no capacity to SHOW love when in disease. Love is a verb.....that means it’s an action word. Addicts and Alcoholics are incapable of taking loving action towards others when they do not love themselves. They love and they love deeply, but they don't know how to express it because alcoholism has kept them emotionally immature.
His behavior is completely unacceptable and it is 100% typical of an alcoholic. We make terrible partners because - and this will be hard for you to hear - we love alcohol far more than we love our own partners. We will sacrifice anything, relationships with family, our business, our self respect, anything, to feed our addiction. We can't help it, alcohol takes over our brains and we do not think rationally. The ONLY way to break the ever spiraling situation is to stop drinking immediately and never drink again. Then with time we can learn to see straight again, think rationally again and eventually rebuild our lives.
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I am having the dreams too....
Dreams are meant to work out in our subconscious what we cannot work out in our waking hours. And I am beginning to think that the reason these break ups are so hard to wrap our brains around isn't just because of typical codie behavior, but because it just make any sense. At least for me... And it never will.
Dreams are meant to work out in our subconscious what we cannot work out in our waking hours. And I am beginning to think that the reason these break ups are so hard to wrap our brains around isn't just because of typical codie behavior, but because it just make any sense. At least for me... And it never will.
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I've had changes in my dreams too. The most dramatic was the disappearance of the "college dream" where I realize its time of exams and I've never been to class- always the same theme, sometimes I would swing a "whatever I'm out" othertimes I would get anxious. Haven't had one in nearly a year I think and I used to get them once a month or so. I've also started having occasional erotic dreams involving RAW, but they always jump away before we get to the good part darnit.
But then there are more subtle ones- sometimes I'll dream of going into the basement (always different) where there is a door to the outside, I find it unlocked sometimes somewhat damaged as if it was forced, so, exasperated, I lock it again. My concern is always of being robbed though I've never discovered anything stolen. Sometimes I'd get quite upset about it but less so nowadays. Last one of these I had there were a few people down there and I started yelling at them to get out etc and they left. Sure wish I had introduced myself and asked them their intent instead, maybe I'll get the chance some night.
Then there are the barring the doors against the zombies dreams which are infrequent but rate high on the terror scale- I am determined to go out and meet them if I can possibly swing it next time. Last one of those I looked thru the windows and they were dressed as clowns...
so schnappi gets weird dreams sometimes.. I get good ones too but the weird/scary/bad ones seem more immediately instructive.
Just to make your flesh creep I had a Hellraiser style one last night though... nighttime in a WW1 deep dirt basement bunker, I and my party discovered (though one mentioned he thought he'd never see it again) some kind of poison dispersal weapon, long abandoned, with complex plumbing leading away underground. There was a toolbox we carefully opened containing some tools and parts and I think the choice was made to use the device, I was tasked to string a chain across the exit staircase between two spikes upon each of which there was a mummified hand of a soldier killed on the no-man's land barbed wire. I think this was to seal the exit. As I finished, I looked up into dark muddy gallery and its array of rusty mouldering stations (or furniture or something) I commented to my partner that I never had wanted to come back here again. Then the blood oozing muscled demon sargents walked up out of the dark & took over, doom and despair. In the last glimpse before I pulled out and woke up one of the demons absorbed the head of my partner and started what looked like feeding off him.
Crazy man, the scene just before that was a walk thru the sunny Catalan countryside. Yeah boy Bill W said searching and fearless. Sweet dreams all!
But then there are more subtle ones- sometimes I'll dream of going into the basement (always different) where there is a door to the outside, I find it unlocked sometimes somewhat damaged as if it was forced, so, exasperated, I lock it again. My concern is always of being robbed though I've never discovered anything stolen. Sometimes I'd get quite upset about it but less so nowadays. Last one of these I had there were a few people down there and I started yelling at them to get out etc and they left. Sure wish I had introduced myself and asked them their intent instead, maybe I'll get the chance some night.
Then there are the barring the doors against the zombies dreams which are infrequent but rate high on the terror scale- I am determined to go out and meet them if I can possibly swing it next time. Last one of those I looked thru the windows and they were dressed as clowns...
so schnappi gets weird dreams sometimes.. I get good ones too but the weird/scary/bad ones seem more immediately instructive.
Just to make your flesh creep I had a Hellraiser style one last night though... nighttime in a WW1 deep dirt basement bunker, I and my party discovered (though one mentioned he thought he'd never see it again) some kind of poison dispersal weapon, long abandoned, with complex plumbing leading away underground. There was a toolbox we carefully opened containing some tools and parts and I think the choice was made to use the device, I was tasked to string a chain across the exit staircase between two spikes upon each of which there was a mummified hand of a soldier killed on the no-man's land barbed wire. I think this was to seal the exit. As I finished, I looked up into dark muddy gallery and its array of rusty mouldering stations (or furniture or something) I commented to my partner that I never had wanted to come back here again. Then the blood oozing muscled demon sargents walked up out of the dark & took over, doom and despair. In the last glimpse before I pulled out and woke up one of the demons absorbed the head of my partner and started what looked like feeding off him.
Crazy man, the scene just before that was a walk thru the sunny Catalan countryside. Yeah boy Bill W said searching and fearless. Sweet dreams all!
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Originally Posted by SeriousKarma
I just wish I knew how long this was going to last. These waves of unannounced grieving (because that's what it is) wear me out. When these thoughts come in dream form I feel like I'm sabotaging myself. Like there's nothing I can do to prevent them. Like I'm my own worst enemy.
I’m no dream interpreter, but any time I dream I’m a passenger in a car, I wake up knowing that I’m feeling out of control of something in my life. When I have cliff dreams, they usually mean I’m trying to keep control of something. I don’t know about the vines, tunnels, ravines, back roads, overpasses…there was a lot of detail in that dream, girl! And I’m sure it was all there to help you process what you’re going through. When I have really detailed dreams like the one you described, I usually do some online searching to help me sort things out. And then follow the “take what you like, and leave the rest” philosophy. Dreams can be a gift.
I hope you’re doing something fun for yourself this weekend. Hugs to you.
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Originally Posted by HealingWillCome
I’m no dream interpreter, but any time I dream I’m a passenger in a car, I wake up knowing that I’m feeling out of control of something in my life. When I have cliff dreams, they usually mean I’m trying to keep control of something. I don’t know about the vines, tunnels, ravines, back roads, overpasses…there was a lot of detail in that dream, girl! And I’m sure it was all there to help you process what you’re going through. When I have really detailed dreams like the one you described, I usually do some online searching to help me sort things out. And then follow the “take what you like, and leave the rest” philosophy. Dreams can be a gift.
The gut wrenching end of the dream where I run up to him, and clingingly tell him that all I wanted to do was love him? That, although true, I blame on Stevie Nicks. I realized later this afternoon that I had had the song Silver Springs running around my head all last week. Not a good song when getting divorced. Or perhaps the best song, depending on how you look at it.
Here's a link:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PRaFoqQos4
I have to say, I think Schnappi's dreams are far more interesting than mine, and much harder to analyze.
Though I did once dream I had a pet piece of cheese. I have no idea what Fleetwood Mac song I was listening to that week.
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Last night the dreams were inconclusive; driving around in a car where the AC had just failed and discussing how they do (bad seals etc), detouring around a bunch of people doing some kind of collective worm crawl down the street, then coasting down a sidewalk in an office chair while wearing my motorcycle jacket and trying to look cool, and standing in line at a lunch place to schedule the office computers tape backups.
More seriously though, last year when RAW was drinking and I was amping up my codie addictions I had some dreams where I was screaming at her- just raging... not hard to interpret those. There were a few erotic dreams back then too- with unknown other women, and I was happy about that both in the dream and after. I'm much happier about my bad dreams now compared to then.
I liked the increasing encumberance tunnels & vines, holding on to him and telling him that stuff suggests to me an element of dependency. Or maybe thats where you're hurting the most. But it could be I am reading my own experience there; becoming aware of how deeply the rejection of my dependency affects me has been really enlightening... seems like I have the "hole in my guts that the wind blows thru" that ChuckC talked about in his new pair of glasses tape, but alcohol never fixed it.
More seriously though, last year when RAW was drinking and I was amping up my codie addictions I had some dreams where I was screaming at her- just raging... not hard to interpret those. There were a few erotic dreams back then too- with unknown other women, and I was happy about that both in the dream and after. I'm much happier about my bad dreams now compared to then.
I liked the increasing encumberance tunnels & vines, holding on to him and telling him that stuff suggests to me an element of dependency. Or maybe thats where you're hurting the most. But it could be I am reading my own experience there; becoming aware of how deeply the rejection of my dependency affects me has been really enlightening... seems like I have the "hole in my guts that the wind blows thru" that ChuckC talked about in his new pair of glasses tape, but alcohol never fixed it.
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Originally Posted by schnappi99
I liked the increasing encumberance tunnels & vines, holding on to him and telling him that stuff suggests to me an element of dependency.
I'm a decidely unclingy person. If someone wants to go, I'm going to let them go. As his alcoholism and mental health issues increased I saw him slipping away from me, and there was nothing I could do. At around the 10 year mark our ability to communicate took a weird turn, and we lost the ability to communicate in the intimate way that is so necessary for a married couple. All the while it was strange because we still got along so well.
In some ways I feel like I was robed of a final blow out, or dramatic screaming match. A time where I could rent and rave and freak out. I know I'm blessed with this smooth transition into divorced life, but I'm not so sure I think after 23 years one should have a smooth transition.
In the dream I was just doing what I wanted to do in real life.
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I had an interesting dream last night. The 1st part of it my wife and I were on a cruise, she started getting withdrawn and strange (I didn't think I was doing anything to provoke her but as a card-carrying codie thats not unusual lol). I noticed her walking off our ship, boarding a smaller one that had pulled up alongside. I yelled over "Hold on a second, captain!"- then "what the h3ll?" to my wife. She replied "I'm leaving you to be with ..." which in the dream I understood to be some guy up in Maine who didn't do much of anything. So I replied "very well, then please move out.", and then to the captain of the smaller boat "Thank you, and sorry for the interruption", and returned to the stateroom. I told our daughter "Mommy is leaving us" and she started crying.. I was feeling kind of depressed too.
Then the dream changed to a variation of the college exam dream- but this one was unique to my recollection in that it was after the exam had been graded. The prof read out various groups of names who would be moving on to other types of studies to become lawyers. I didn't hear my name and asked her about it, she replied that only those who's names were read were accepted into the program. I decided to not ask her about my score (I wasn't really interested in being a lawyer anyway), so thanked her and started walking off campus feeling a bit down.
I think the dreams were related in some way- if distantly- because in the school dream I was aware that my wife had left.. it was part of my thoughts as I walked thru the campus.
The interesting thing to me was the complete lack of anxiety or anger... or any particular fear.. just a little depressed about my wife leaving and having not doing well on the test.
Then the dream changed to a variation of the college exam dream- but this one was unique to my recollection in that it was after the exam had been graded. The prof read out various groups of names who would be moving on to other types of studies to become lawyers. I didn't hear my name and asked her about it, she replied that only those who's names were read were accepted into the program. I decided to not ask her about my score (I wasn't really interested in being a lawyer anyway), so thanked her and started walking off campus feeling a bit down.
I think the dreams were related in some way- if distantly- because in the school dream I was aware that my wife had left.. it was part of my thoughts as I walked thru the campus.
The interesting thing to me was the complete lack of anxiety or anger... or any particular fear.. just a little depressed about my wife leaving and having not doing well on the test.
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