I wish I would have been nicer to his ex girlfriend.

Old 01-30-2015, 12:22 PM
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I wish I would have been nicer to his ex girlfriend.

Today I have a heavy heart because I wish I would have been nicer to his ex girlfriend. My eyes are welling up with tears and I will probably start to cry as I type this out. I've known the RA in my life well...for my whole life pretty much and I've watched him go through a few relationships and one by one and the girls were labeled as crazy, unstable, train wrecks, bitches, ect.

Now the last girl he dated, I was actually friends with her at first. She was labeled a w...e. She did some terrible things. Really, awful, and so when he broke up with her I took his side. In my mind I labeled her as a crazy w...e and that was that! Those dirty looks she gave me in public? Yep, cause she was a crazy w...e.

A few months into his recovery I started "dating" him: this complicated are we / aren't we thing. At first I thought it was really charming so it wasn't long before I fell for him. He told me how good I was to him and I felt like I was different. Yes, I was better than all those crazy ex-girlfriends of his. All he needed was the right girl. Well now, I am also a crazy ex-girlfriend (if you can even say I was his girlfriend).

Now I know what's like to love and want someone SO MUCH, even if they treat you with disrespect. I know what it's like to get jealous of other women just because he is being nice to them. Why is he nice to other people but not to me...am I really just that crazy and awful? I know what's like to see him with another girl and wish more than anything you were her because maybe that's who he needs. I know what it's like to be ignored and given the cold shoulder even though he's sitting right next to me. I know what it's like to have text messages unanswered or if they are answered, you spend the night trying to figure out the meaning. Is he being nice? Sarcastic? Mean?
I know what's like to feel like you never want to talk to him ever again but yet being afraid of the fact - what if I never talk to him again? I know what it's like to be afraid to see his family because what if they hate me too? I know what it's like to cling to the good moments like your life depends on it.

I wish I could hug that girl so, so tight. I wish I could tell her I AM SORRY! I'm sorry for judging you, for talking about you, for the dirty looks! I'm so sorry and I would give anything to tell this girl that.

And to his new girl who hates me? Well, a couple weeks before he got back together with you he called you a crazy psycho. And don't worry in a few months, maybe a year, you will be putty in his hands too and wondering what the hell happened.

I pray for all those ex girlfriends, I really do.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:32 PM
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I was better than all those crazy ex-girlfriends of his. All he needed was the right girl. Well now, I am also a crazy ex-girlfriend
Great insight. And you and me both, babe. You and me both.

I heard the same stories from AXH: His earlier girlfriends were all crazy. I've decided that here's how it works: You know how they say look at how a guy treats his mom, and then realize that he'll treat you the same way? Well, I say look at how he speaks about his exes, and if they're ALL crazy horrible people (in his story), that's a HUGE red flag.

I realize that comes across as hypocritical, given what I've said about AXH -- but that's ONE person. I have great respect for most of the guys I dated before meeting him -- and the truth in most relationships was, it just didn't work out but they're good people. (Albeit some with addiction issues.)
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:35 PM
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Hi. I understand what you are saying. I am the last ex-girlfriend and so I am the crazy, dirty, stupid, mental one. I am picked on by the new gf and his friends. I hope one day they will open their eyes. Thanx for posting this. It gives me hope. Really, thank you. It is funny to see how we are all the same, going through the same things.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:41 PM
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I'm thinking I might actually write his last ex a letter, telling her I get it now. I don't expect her to be my BFF or respond but I'd like to let her know how much I do respect her. Good idea or no?
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:46 PM
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Mmm, I don't know. You said you were once friendly with her, so you'd be in the best position to judge how she'd take that. It might just turn into the two of you trashing him--which he might deserve, but not sure how healthy it would be for the two of you.

If you think it might be something that would please her or comfort her, do, if not, or you're unsure, maybe you should let it be for now.
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Old 01-30-2015, 12:55 PM
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Ah! His new gf used to criticize me quite a lot about putting up with all his crap. She said thatit was my fault if he treated me so miserably, saying it was me who allowed it and that she would nnever let someone treat her like that. I started to think I was the problem , that being nice in a relationship is not how it should be. Both her and my ex used totell everyone how naive and nice I was. Forward one year she has taken my place and he is just the same jerk. He did not change. And she is puting up with it!!!!! She who claimed that was too proud and srtong to let this happen. She has stopped criticising me. She has stopped giving me the harsh looks. I wish she apologised.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:08 PM
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I'm so glad (yet so unfortunate) that so many ladies are relating. I think I'll wait to write her. If I run into her, yes I will say something. And maybe I'll pray about it too. Today I just saw him with his new gf so I think im a little emotional.
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:09 PM
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Originally Posted by 987g View Post
I'm thinking I might actually write his last ex a letter, telling her I get it now. I don't expect her to be my BFF or respond but I'd like to let her know how much I do respect her. Good idea or no?
I would love his gf to apologise. I would feel much better about the whole thing. And definitely I would not become her friend but i would appreciate very much. However I would not trash him. He has done it to me and Noway I want ever in my life to be like him. He is full of **** and I am well above that!!! I am a princess!! I got manners, I don't need this kind of revenge! Lady Karma is a bitch anyway!
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Old 01-30-2015, 01:09 PM
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Sounds like a good plan--especially the "praying about it" part.
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Old 01-30-2015, 04:30 PM
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I can relate to that! All my AH's past girlfriends were crazy b****es and they all cheated on him. And then as our relationship (and his drinking) progressed, I started to get accused of cheating on him, and I was called a crazy b**** (among other more hurtful names).
"You girls are all the same," he would say.

There were times I thought about contacting his ex gf's too. For me though, it wasn't to apologize, but because I wanted someone to commiserate with who I knew would know exactly what i was going through. I never did. Glad I didn't. Really glad.

I'm with Lexiecat on the letter writing
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Old 01-30-2015, 05:15 PM
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Ditto. I am the crazy ex as well. Funny how we a have the same story to tell. I read somewhere (might have been on here) that alcoholics don't have relationships, they take hostages. How sad & true.
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Old 01-30-2015, 05:58 PM
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Originally Posted by 987g View Post
I'm so glad (yet so unfortunate) that so many ladies are relating. I think I'll wait to write her. If I run into her, yes I will say something. And maybe I'll pray about it too. Today I just saw him with his new gf so I think im a little emotional.
Allow yourself to calm down a bit. You're bleeding a bit, so you have to stop first. And once you do, you have to ask yourself if contacting her would cause her any discomfort or pain.

My $0.02.
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Old 01-31-2015, 06:11 AM
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This was great! Just the other day I was saying to a friend how my XAB and his family always demonized his ex wife. I was so sure they were right. Now as I think on it and have actually run into people who know her, I see Normal girl who was driven bat crap crazy living with this lying cheating junkie and snapped. His brother is an active A with an ex wife who is also supposed to be so mean. Apparently both of these ex wives turned on his mother at some point going from loving daughter in laws to women who wouldn't give her the time of day. Maybe because they realized at some point that they were dealing with the chief enabler equally if not more sick than her sons. I want to contact his ex wife on FB, but it would serve no purpose and I have no wish to drag her back into bad memories. Time to keep moving forward.
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