NEW here
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Haven't talked to him about last nights bender, want to but just don't know what I can say... thoughts?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 21
Trina, thank you so much for that post. It really hit home!!! I do have sound machine going and fans
scared to take sleep meds though bc I feel I need to be Alert maybe I will learn to change that in this process....
scared to take sleep meds though bc I feel I need to be Alert maybe I will learn to change that in this process....
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 54
Welcome to the Forum. Although I don't post much I visit almost daily.
I remember the anxiety hitting when I turned onto the last road coming home. All the questions of , "What will I find today?" It has been said that alcoholism affects the family more than the alcoholic in many ways. So true as they keep medicated and in their addictive world.
Read the wonderful posts here. This place is awesome and we truly care for ones another. My al-anon group is my family too
Remember you are awesome and deserve to be healthy and happy.
I remember the anxiety hitting when I turned onto the last road coming home. All the questions of , "What will I find today?" It has been said that alcoholism affects the family more than the alcoholic in many ways. So true as they keep medicated and in their addictive world.
Read the wonderful posts here. This place is awesome and we truly care for ones another. My al-anon group is my family too
Remember you are awesome and deserve to be healthy and happy.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 21
Thursdays
I hate Thursday. Thursday is usually the day that he decides to go out and rip it up to the point of no return. I have high anxiety the day before, Thursday and the day after. Its not every Thursday so its like I am held hostage by anxiety just wondering when. Fridays used to be a safe day for me, because he was so "sorry" about Thursday but last Friday wasn't. He made plans with family to go eat at their house (with me and kids) I called and realized his being at Lowes was a lie for being in the bar. He stood me and his kids and his own freakin family up. He has never done that before, not like that. Needless to say I didn't see him until 5 am when he texted me to please come get him 
. I did. It sickens me to see him still drunk at 6 am. I do not get it. He is remorseful the next day but it never fails he will do it again in less than a months time. I know some reading this probably think that because it is so infrequent that I have it easy, I DONT. The panic attacks, the anxiety, the money being blown on those nights, the worry about who he is with ect... its awful. I don't eat when I am having anxiety so I have lost weight, which I suppose is a good thing. Not to mention he acts like a total IDIOT when he is drunk, argumentative, sometimes verbally abusive, selfish. This last time I had a friend that happened to be there at the same place he was Friday and told me he was PLASTERED by nine, couldn't walk and no one wanted to take him home. How embarrassing is that. How sad is that? I just needed to vent. Thank you all.
. I did. It sickens me to see him still drunk at 6 am. I do not get it. He is remorseful the next day but it never fails he will do it again in less than a months time. I know some reading this probably think that because it is so infrequent that I have it easy, I DONT. The panic attacks, the anxiety, the money being blown on those nights, the worry about who he is with ect... its awful. I don't eat when I am having anxiety so I have lost weight, which I suppose is a good thing. Not to mention he acts like a total IDIOT when he is drunk, argumentative, sometimes verbally abusive, selfish. This last time I had a friend that happened to be there at the same place he was Friday and told me he was PLASTERED by nine, couldn't walk and no one wanted to take him home. How embarrassing is that. How sad is that? I just needed to vent. Thank you all.
Baby Steps
Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 1,689
When your feeling anxious go outside or somewhere quiet and take a deep breath for the count of 5, then release that breath for the count of 5, do this until you feel your anxiety easing. Focus on the breathing nothing else.
My ex a was, is a binge drinker, I understand the anxiety, mine was out of control and still is at times, particularly when I become caught up with him. Binge drinking is so difficult in that you never know when they are going to drink, whether it's going to be a few drinks or an all out bender. You have a few weeks, months even were everything seems normal and ok and you begin to relax, thinking it's over he's finally given up drinking, he's seen sense but you never really relax you still wonder deep down whether it's really done with but you push the doubts away.
You want to believe the promises, il get help it will never happen again, I don't want to live without you so you think we will be ok. So when they drink again your shocked, upset, how could he do this to me again after everything he said. The cycle begins again.
I really struggled with my ex being an alcoholic because he binged but he is.
I know what you mean about his friends, I spent years blaming his friends, if he was t friends they wouldn't encourage him to drink, he wouldn't drink, it's their fault. It's not, he is choosing to drink because he has an addiction, he can't control it. He probably does love you but his addiction is so strong he can't control it. I promise you it's not you, it's not your fault and you can't do anything to control his drinking. Only he can get help only he can choose recovery for himself.
What are you doing for you.
Oh and welcome to SR your in the right place and will get so much support. It has saved my sanity many times. ((((((Hugs))))))
My ex a was, is a binge drinker, I understand the anxiety, mine was out of control and still is at times, particularly when I become caught up with him. Binge drinking is so difficult in that you never know when they are going to drink, whether it's going to be a few drinks or an all out bender. You have a few weeks, months even were everything seems normal and ok and you begin to relax, thinking it's over he's finally given up drinking, he's seen sense but you never really relax you still wonder deep down whether it's really done with but you push the doubts away.
You want to believe the promises, il get help it will never happen again, I don't want to live without you so you think we will be ok. So when they drink again your shocked, upset, how could he do this to me again after everything he said. The cycle begins again.
I really struggled with my ex being an alcoholic because he binged but he is.
I know what you mean about his friends, I spent years blaming his friends, if he was t friends they wouldn't encourage him to drink, he wouldn't drink, it's their fault. It's not, he is choosing to drink because he has an addiction, he can't control it. He probably does love you but his addiction is so strong he can't control it. I promise you it's not you, it's not your fault and you can't do anything to control his drinking. Only he can get help only he can choose recovery for himself.
What are you doing for you.
Oh and welcome to SR your in the right place and will get so much support. It has saved my sanity many times. ((((((Hugs))))))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Florida
Posts: 21
Thank you
I really appreciate your response. I am glad to know someone knows what I deal with and that I am not alone. I finally got my nails done, something I haven't done in years, the other day. That's what I did for me. Says we are going out to eat tonight, we shall see.
Thank you again!!
Thank you again!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Indiana
Posts: 503
I'm so sorry, Axelsmom. Everyone is correct. I have the same situation with my son, but if there were a child involved,, I would totally cut him loose. Protect your son. Yes, he adores his dad, but once he understands how his dad's behavior affects you, he won't be so adoring anymore. I wouldn't wish this stuff on my worst enemy.
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Location: UK and Australia
Posts: 447
Welcome to SR.
We are glad you found us.
Many of us here understand the madness of living with an alcoholic.
Keep reading, keep posting and 'Keep coming back'....
This place along with Al Anon keeps me sane.
Take care Phiz
We are glad you found us.
Many of us here understand the madness of living with an alcoholic.
Keep reading, keep posting and 'Keep coming back'....
This place along with Al Anon keeps me sane.
Take care Phiz
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Hi Kayla,
I'm sorry your here (the reason that brought you) but so glad you joined. Oh, how I wish this place was around when I was your age with young children.
I wanted to answer your question re your "yuck" for your husband when drunk. My answer is YES, YES, YES. And, I hated the fact that I would feel guilty because of my revulsion. I've always wondered if he saw a video of himself, would he be different? I think yes, because he refuses to watch videos of here and there parties, mainly our wedding when he was hammered.
I have experienced anxiety just as everyone else. I used to (not so much anymore) wake up in the middle of the night and panic, not be able to breathe when I started realizing "This is is, I've been battling the same battle for years, it's all the same.
I wish I had wonderful words of help for you, I don't. But, my offering of wisdom is to tell you to pull up a chair, and join the family. These people are amazing, and have helped me so much by their willingness to share their stories.
(((hugs))) to you.
I'm sorry your here (the reason that brought you) but so glad you joined. Oh, how I wish this place was around when I was your age with young children.
I wanted to answer your question re your "yuck" for your husband when drunk. My answer is YES, YES, YES. And, I hated the fact that I would feel guilty because of my revulsion. I've always wondered if he saw a video of himself, would he be different? I think yes, because he refuses to watch videos of here and there parties, mainly our wedding when he was hammered.
I have experienced anxiety just as everyone else. I used to (not so much anymore) wake up in the middle of the night and panic, not be able to breathe when I started realizing "This is is, I've been battling the same battle for years, it's all the same.
I wish I had wonderful words of help for you, I don't. But, my offering of wisdom is to tell you to pull up a chair, and join the family. These people are amazing, and have helped me so much by their willingness to share their stories.
(((hugs))) to you.
Last edited by changeneeded; 02-26-2015 at 02:00 PM. Reason: Added thoughts
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 213
Wow! Sorry, didn't realize I was so late to the "party." This is an older post. (Hehe) Goodness! I"m with you on the hate Thursdays. I usually start feeling that way Friday afternoon. It's funny, because almost every time I start feeling that way it's like its a new thought to me. As if I've forgotten that is what my life is! Because he is a binge drinker too, I never know and the nervous stomach kicks in.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
My ex was a binge drinker as well. The binge would start as soon as he got paid and end whenever he ran out of money. I used to have such a buildup of stress and anxiety in between the binges, counting down the days until he got paid. And I HATED any time that he got "bonus money", like around the holidays when his folks would send a check "for the family" but make it out to him. A couple hundred extra dollars for him meant a couple extra weeks of alcohell for me and the kids.
I didn't realize the toll it was taking until I spent a couple of months away from him doing a trial separation. The difference was night and day. I had to adjust to the peace and predictability of life without an active alcoholic.
Have you checked out any Alanon or Celebrate Recovery meetings for yourself? The older kids could also benefit from Alateen, and Celebrate Recovery offers programs for all ages, so your youngest son could attend and you wouldn't have to worry about childcare while you were at meetings. Your husband's disease is clearly a huge source of stress in your lives. Support groups for the families of alcoholics can be a tremendous help in dealing with the issues you are facing. This is more than you and your kids should have to deal with, and seeking real life support can help take away some of that burden.
Thanks for reaching out to us. Keep reading and posting and take care of yourself. Your kids need a healthy mom. Big hugs.
I didn't realize the toll it was taking until I spent a couple of months away from him doing a trial separation. The difference was night and day. I had to adjust to the peace and predictability of life without an active alcoholic.
Have you checked out any Alanon or Celebrate Recovery meetings for yourself? The older kids could also benefit from Alateen, and Celebrate Recovery offers programs for all ages, so your youngest son could attend and you wouldn't have to worry about childcare while you were at meetings. Your husband's disease is clearly a huge source of stress in your lives. Support groups for the families of alcoholics can be a tremendous help in dealing with the issues you are facing. This is more than you and your kids should have to deal with, and seeking real life support can help take away some of that burden.
Thanks for reaching out to us. Keep reading and posting and take care of yourself. Your kids need a healthy mom. Big hugs.
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