Start and fail
 

This is regarding the assertiveness I am working on with T. I do not know how to be assertive, I know how to be a doormat. I am afraid if I speak up for myself/something that has to be done at work people will think I'm a b!tch.

So I was working last week with a colleague who really doesn't like to work much and he talked me into being charge nurse for night shift. I honestly wasn't comfortable with that as I've only been at my job for 2 months. So the next time I was to work with him before he got there I was talking to the evening charge and she said, so are you taking over my patients then? She only had 2, charge isn't really supposed to have patients, except at night. I told her I'd rather take a team. She said, Oh well S likes to take a team, so I just told her I didn't want to be charge, so I got my wish. But if he had asked me, I would have felt bad for saying no. So T challenged me to be assertive and speak up.

Well I worked with the same guy weds and he asked me to be charge and I just said I wasn't comfy with that as I haven't been there long. He took charge. Grumbled about it, but did it. Last night I worked a 12 hr night and the other night nurse came on at 11 for an 8 hr shift. Again she was like, well you have been here since 7 and know what's going on. I backed down and took charge and had to review a lot of transfer requests. I hope I didn't screw them up. Why can't I just BE CONSISTEN for God's sake. Blergh. Really upset with myself now.

Well, it can be problematic saying "no" when you're new on a job. It isn't always the best time/place to practice assertiveness.

Do you know whether what they are asking you to do is reasonable and regular practice there? Could you maybe ask to back up the charge nurse for a few nights so you are more comfortable with the procedures and what is expected of you in that role? Maybe talk with your supervisor about how these duties should rotate? (Sorry, I'm not a nurse so I'm taking a bit of a stab in the dark, here.)

You certainly don't want to endanger patients, nor do you want to be a doormat, but at the same time, if at some point you need to step up in responsibilities, you don't want your employer thinking you're unwilling to take on those tasks.

Good luck, this can be tough to navigate.

TerpGal, don't be so hard on yourself. If being assertive is new to you then it will take time to change.

I'll share that my very first relationship years ago was pretty bad. He was verbally abusive and beat me down to feel like a doormat. When we finally split it took me a very long time to come out of my shell. I had a good support system as I hope you do as well. They really helped to pull me out of the darkness.

Now, as far as being the b@t h at work. You bet I will! I work in a international company, many nationalities. Some of our gents don't stop to think before they lash out. For a while I sat quietly, I need my paycheck, LOL. Seriously though I grew tired of their abuse and when I became pregnant with my second child those pregnancy hormones kicked in! I stood up for myself, I don't always have to be a b@t h but I will if necessary. There is a way to say no and just stand your ground and if someone does not like it then that is THEIR problem.

Take baby steps, keep saying no when you have to and before long it won't be so hard to tell them no.

Unfortunately I am not full of wisdom but I hope this helps a bit!

Take care!!!

My daughter is a nurse in a large hospital locally, and gave me some input into what is required for her as charge. At this particular hospital the majority of charge nurses have a longer history with their position, usually 1-1/2 years on their floor. When they are moved to the position of charge they are given a full month of training FOR THAT POSITION before they are asked to do that job. There are usually 2 charges scheduled by management for each shift so there is always a back up in case *stuff* happens. The charge assignment isn't just decided by the nurses on the floor but are planned. I think I would ask what the hospitals policy is regarding charge designation. For her this works out well. She is on a very busy floor and has a great group of people to work with.

Progress, not perfection, friend. Baby steps will take you there if you take enough of'em. I think you're doing great.

Oh man am I good at being a doormat...

I'm like the one who is like "I SAID NO.....(please)" ha ha....then I cower back in my corner and say "well ok I guess". I mean I am ALWAYS giving in!!

You are doing amazing things with your life and you will get the hang of this.

I've had to learn some REAL assertiveness here lately and it is NOT fun, but necessary. I mean, I do feel stronger because of it...but it's STILL not coming naturally to me. I hope it does soon. But we will get the hang of this.

Your doing great, and I'm sure you are a damn good nurse. I bet you did JUST fine on the paperwork.

:) cheer up friend, you are going places!