Im sitting here in the parking lot
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
I started talking breaking up during mid-terms last semester. The final break-up was during finals. I know EXACTLY where you're at right now Free. Just hang in there and remember that school is going to get you where you want to go. He isn't. I know you're dying right now, but do everything in your power to push through school and not give up over this. I wanted to just sit and cry too. School was the last thing I wanted to deal with, but I forced myself and it wasn't easy.
I'm so happy that I didn't. School, at this point, keeps me sane and helps occupy my mind, as well as helping me feel like I'm not staying stuck.
Power through love! You've been strong enough to deal with all of this insanity for this long, school is going to be a walk in the park for you once you get the chaos out of your life!
GIGANTIC HUGS!! You can do this!!
I'm so happy that I didn't. School, at this point, keeps me sane and helps occupy my mind, as well as helping me feel like I'm not staying stuck.
Power through love! You've been strong enough to deal with all of this insanity for this long, school is going to be a walk in the park for you once you get the chaos out of your life!
GIGANTIC HUGS!! You can do this!!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 
I'm here rooting for you free.
Good job sending the text--he may try to "take it back" or whatever but I
truly think you have made the wisest choice to move forward.
Major hugs. A Math test and marital separation on the same day is really too much to put on anyone. . . you are pretty darn amazing.
Good job sending the text--he may try to "take it back" or whatever but I
truly think you have made the wisest choice to move forward.
Major hugs. A Math test and marital separation on the same day is really too much to put on anyone. . . you are pretty darn amazing.
thanks guys! SR is totally the best and you guys rock. I draw so much strength from you all. You really have NO idea how much I count on you all.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
freetosmile. This isn't going to get any better. He is like a snowball rolling down hill, right now.
In this kind of situation, the first priority is to put distance between him and you (family), NOW.
Distance and separation was the thing that enabled you to get yourself together when he finally went to rehab. Same thing holds true now.
The longer you wait (please don't), the more he will "pull you under".
we have talked about being "locked and loaded"....now is the time to fire....
If you want us to walk you through it...say the word and we will...
dandylion
In this kind of situation, the first priority is to put distance between him and you (family), NOW.
Distance and separation was the thing that enabled you to get yourself together when he finally went to rehab. Same thing holds true now.
The longer you wait (please don't), the more he will "pull you under".
we have talked about being "locked and loaded"....now is the time to fire....
If you want us to walk you through it...say the word and we will...
dandylion
Member
Join Date: May 2014
Location: Quincy, IL
Posts: 91
Good luck! I just replied on your post from last night and then saw this one. Oops. You will do amazing. You are awesome. And as for at home, stick to your guns! He will try everything to change your mind, but his reasons are selfish ones. He is not looking out for the best interest of the children, and you are, and that's how you know you're doing the right thing!! Hugs!!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 612
You will do great! The situation is disappointing and heartbreaking BUT as an outsider looking at what's on your plate, I feel EXCITED for you! Big changes for sure. You have been an incredible source of support and information since my short time joining SR, and I know you got this! Good luck on your test today!!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Well I am done. Test wasn't too bad actually! I was pretty hyped up about it. Ha! I'm going to be ok.
as for AH, he is "insanely scared now" apparently. And he doesn't know what to do. Uh yeah, yeah you do. You know EXACTLY what to do. I didn't say that. I just didn't respond. I hate this cycle!!! Can't it just be over? Ya know? Call the game on account of rain? I hate the " I hate you, I love you, don't leave me" ********. It really makes me have to stick to my guns! Ha...no wonder I hate it so much!
as for AH, he is "insanely scared now" apparently. And he doesn't know what to do. Uh yeah, yeah you do. You know EXACTLY what to do. I didn't say that. I just didn't respond. I hate this cycle!!! Can't it just be over? Ya know? Call the game on account of rain? I hate the " I hate you, I love you, don't leave me" ********. It really makes me have to stick to my guns! Ha...no wonder I hate it so much!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
he is going to blah blah blah until the cows come home and leave again. Don't listen to it. Do not listen. Just keep responding.
I'm sorry you feel that way, this is my decision.
I understand you are upset, I have made my decision
I'm sorry you don't agree, but I have made my decision
Rinse and Repeat.
That's what I did. I just kept saying the same thing over and over (well aside from the many times that I engaged, but this definitely worked better)
I'm sorry you feel that way, this is my decision.
I understand you are upset, I have made my decision
I'm sorry you don't agree, but I have made my decision
Rinse and Repeat.
That's what I did. I just kept saying the same thing over and over (well aside from the many times that I engaged, but this definitely worked better)
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Oh, man, I'm glad the test went OK. I just got a chance to look at the forum, and I was sorry I hadn't had a chance to send good vibes (well, given the kind of vibes I seem to be generating lately in my life as a homeowner, maybe that's just as well).
Be very careful right now. This is the BIG LEAVE you're talking about, and it can be a very dangerous time since he has lost all control of you. Keep your wits about you at all times.
Hugs--I'm so glad the exam is over!
Be very careful right now. This is the BIG LEAVE you're talking about, and it can be a very dangerous time since he has lost all control of you. Keep your wits about you at all times.
Hugs--I'm so glad the exam is over!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
Yup he's going to be insanely scared...sorry... soooo sorry. He will be more sorry than ever. Then he will be be silent. Maybe you need to just "cool off". It will be just enough to where you think he's 'gotten' it. Then he will reappear.
He will sound accepting. He knows its over and hes so sorry and he'll thank you for standing by him all this time, and that he can't even believe you stayed this long... give it a few days because...
Then he will trash you. Then he will get angry. But....
Then he will tell you he is so sorry for losing his temper but he is just sooooooo upset about losing you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to him and he has f*d it all up. It's all his fault he'll say.
2 days later he will verbally trash you out again.
Then he will threaten you that you need to get your crap out now because (insert ridiclous reason)
Then he will get silent again. You might think he's finally getting it. He's not.
He is sorry again.
He'll take the polite route. You have kids right? He will use them to place nicey-nice... Maye he can get you that way..
He will also come up with a brand new plan for himself that will fix everything. The promises will come. The bargaining. He's finally decided that now is the time.. He is going to ______
I caught a hint that you yesterday that you made choice long ago that you regret and he still holds over you..
Guess what - He will totally forgive you and maybe THAT has been the underlying issue of his drinking and why if he would have just forgiven you and let you off the hook, you both would not be here right now. Shouldn't you both at least EXPLORE that option? And if it wasn't that - then he will agree to a split.
If all that doesn't work...he will go back to his verbal assaults and name calling and the cycle will go on and on and on.
If if all that doesn't work then you must have a boyfriend or someone that is brainwashing you.
I don't know you all that well, but I have read some of your posts and you sound very strong. You sound smart. you can do this - you deserve better. We all do.
He will sound accepting. He knows its over and hes so sorry and he'll thank you for standing by him all this time, and that he can't even believe you stayed this long... give it a few days because...
Then he will trash you. Then he will get angry. But....
Then he will tell you he is so sorry for losing his temper but he is just sooooooo upset about losing you. You are the best thing that has ever happened to him and he has f*d it all up. It's all his fault he'll say.
2 days later he will verbally trash you out again.
Then he will threaten you that you need to get your crap out now because (insert ridiclous reason)
Then he will get silent again. You might think he's finally getting it. He's not.
He is sorry again.
He'll take the polite route. You have kids right? He will use them to place nicey-nice... Maye he can get you that way..
He will also come up with a brand new plan for himself that will fix everything. The promises will come. The bargaining. He's finally decided that now is the time.. He is going to ______
I caught a hint that you yesterday that you made choice long ago that you regret and he still holds over you..
Guess what - He will totally forgive you and maybe THAT has been the underlying issue of his drinking and why if he would have just forgiven you and let you off the hook, you both would not be here right now. Shouldn't you both at least EXPLORE that option? And if it wasn't that - then he will agree to a split.
If all that doesn't work...he will go back to his verbal assaults and name calling and the cycle will go on and on and on.
If if all that doesn't work then you must have a boyfriend or someone that is brainwashing you.
I don't know you all that well, but I have read some of your posts and you sound very strong. You sound smart. you can do this - you deserve better. We all do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I knew you could do that test. You can do anything that you put your mind to. Did I tell you today that I think you are just awesome !!!!!!!!!!!!
I do like meggem's responses.
So now you enter the "Hoover Zone". I really did hate them. Just in case you didn't know, hoover means trying to suck you back in like a vacuum. Aka the honeymoon cycle.
So now they try to be nice to you to win you back over. This could last a few hours or a few days. You are expected to just fall for it, and have make up sex so that he will know that you are ok with all of this and that you forgive him. That's what the sex is for, to stroke their ego.
If that doesn't work, then you are a b!tch, that never lets anything go period, and they have the right to be p!ssed, because you just keep holding on to everything, and you won't let anything go.
I don't know which one is worse.
Just know that we have your back and keep that phone with you and the DV # on it at all times. Have that Plan B set to go.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy
PS - I'm sure you already know what to expect, you've been through it enough. Remember we also know what you are going through
I do like meggem's responses.
So now you enter the "Hoover Zone". I really did hate them. Just in case you didn't know, hoover means trying to suck you back in like a vacuum. Aka the honeymoon cycle.
So now they try to be nice to you to win you back over. This could last a few hours or a few days. You are expected to just fall for it, and have make up sex so that he will know that you are ok with all of this and that you forgive him. That's what the sex is for, to stroke their ego.
If that doesn't work, then you are a b!tch, that never lets anything go period, and they have the right to be p!ssed, because you just keep holding on to everything, and you won't let anything go.
I don't know which one is worse.
Just know that we have your back and keep that phone with you and the DV # on it at all times. Have that Plan B set to go.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
amy
PS - I'm sure you already know what to expect, you've been through it enough. Remember we also know what you are going through
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 524
oh YES - the GRUDGE PART - You never let ANYTHING GO. Yup, I got that too and that one I actually pondered because it was true - I didn't forgive but I didn't realize I had that right.
yes yes - You can never let go of anything.
ONE MISTAKE he would say. Something like this hasn't happened in like..a few months!!
stupid me !!! didn't I know havoc is scheduled on a quarterly basis at least?!?!?!!
yes yes - You can never let go of anything.
ONE MISTAKE he would say. Something like this hasn't happened in like..a few months!!
stupid me !!! didn't I know havoc is scheduled on a quarterly basis at least?!?!?!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Yes, I can feel the discomfort seeping out of him. I had to drop off some ibuprofen at the job site for him. And his hands are shaking really bad. He looks like a wounded puppy. I've always given in at this point. I would accept the apology and tell him we can move beyond it all. I did not engage in ANY of that. I dropped off meds and said see you later. He seemed shell shocked, quite honestly I was surprised by my behavior too.
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