Tired
 

Hey guys, me again. I just got off work it's been a long night. Day five Since the beginning of his relapse/super binge. Still going strong with no contact. I was doing so well the first few days. No the dues are starting to get longer. in my mind starting to think morning. I'm tired of him. Of my job. Of being the only responsible adult in the world right now. (so it seems) I don't want to miss him right now. These past few years he's been nothing but a miserable **** to be around not to mention blaming me for it. When I would love to go out and be able to relax and have a good time as much as the next person. But I can't because it always ends bad. But things are starting to creep back in. I know you have to look at The person as a whole and not separate it, which I was really bad at (had to slay the monster so my prince could be free) but I really really am starting to backtrack. And have some, not all, of those thoughts of not being good enough. And I don't know how to turn it off. So my question is how do you do that I guess? Because I'm really starting to feel overwhelmed and I'm crying like a big blubbering baby which I hate because it truly was his fault and I know that. But I miss the Smile on his big stupid face. /Sad face

Honshine....I think it would help if you put your brain in charge, right now. You can't trust your heart on these matters.

You can't do this alone. The disease is bigger than you...and, bigger than him...

You also, can't live off of emotional crumbs and expect to be happy.

Do you have any support?

dandylion

Sleep deprivation messes with my thinking like few other things can. Sounds like you have some HALTing going on. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. The last two especially.
Good self care goes a long way for me when I feel like that. Get some rest and maybe try to make it out to an Alanon meeting if possible.
Big hugs.

I have friends that I can talk to but I feel like I've talked them to death in the past so I try not to bother them as much. Specially since I've never been in the situation so they don't really get it.

Theyve* sorry for the typos. Talk to text. >_<

I completely agree about the self care. Sleep, good food, plenty of water, and having found good doctors... and a wonderful Alanon group.

Beyond anything, what has worked for me is prayer and really giving everything up to God. To let go of all my emotions, all my own preconceived notions, and let Him guide me. The more I learn to let go, to connect with others, and to live by Gratitude, the more my viewpoint changes.

Sending prayers for you and your husband.

My homework this week is to take one Alanon slogan and apply it throughout my day. Maybe that could help in the moments when things seem overwhelming.

Yeah. I'm starting to feel a little better (that's a lie I'm stuck at my grandmas for today and she's pestering me to death but I love her). I'm just a little irritated because I'm trying to see what normal people do with their time.... And you know... It seems that Drinking and partying and being a jackass is kinda glorified. I can't even turn on the radio without hearing SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.... XO it just makes me shake my head and renounce the human race.

HS- You have to remember that the way he is addicted to to his alcohol, we become addicted to the addict. So if you think about it and you want him to be strong and not party. You need to be strong and not go after your addiction which is him.

Your urges are the same as his. You need to be strong and do what is best for you. Addictions are not healthy for any of us. Stay busy and anything else you can do not to cave in and regret something you might do. The bottom line, it will not help him at all by you enabling him. So work your program and this to shall pass!!!

((((((((hugs))))))))))

Oh no no, I'm not worried about caving. I know that's a dead end street. I just don't like the panic and the thought flood of "wow everybody does this. Is it really me? Am I really just a stick in the mud like he says?"
Just the self doubt.

No you are not a stick in the mud, like he says. Addicts groom the enablers!! They make them feel inferior, they are better, stronger, friendlier, better looking and everything else. Eventually we begin to believe that. When we work our program and realize what they did to us, we eventually don't believe them anymore. We get strong and question what he says and does.

No healthy person would do that to someone they love. You are much better then him!!

I'm really with you about turning on the radio and hearing about drinking. For so long I thought that I was the odd one out and needed to get used to it, but I'll never get used to kids singing about drinking and being drunk. Now that I've been listening to KLOVE, our 8 yr old has some great messages to sing about. His current favorite is "Speak Life". I have lot of favorites, but Day One by Matthew West is one I look forward to the most lately. :)

TobyMac - Speak Life

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-stations.html

Keep in mind that healing is a journey. It's not a destination or a race. Baby steps. Easy does it. :) (((Hugs)))

thanks a lot you guys for The support. It really helps. I just got a new house today it's really nice I've been accomplishing a lot and yes I do forget to take baby steps. I just get so overwhelmed with things don't happen all at once. Still doing good closing out Day six. I still miss him but I'm glad I'm able to do things and have my own thought process without worrying about him being a Debbie downer and moping about everything. I think Next I might look into getting into college. Although I don't know how to do that with this stupid job and three kids to take care of. But I suppose if there's a will there's a way. Baby steps!

Good luck Honshine i found that if I could briefly focus on how STBEAlcoH behaved/treated me/spoke to me in particularly embarrassing events humiliating conversations then my self doubt diminishes and I know I am doing the right thing. No point looking backwards we are not traveling in that direction love n hugs