Seren

I'm so sorry, free. The kind of self-hatred that he feels is really something that we, the family members, aren't qualified to address. I'm so sad for him, too. Sending hugs and prayers! I hope you were able to get some sleep last night.

tomsteve

Just one comment and it's on that relapse thing:
The relapse ended with a drink. Not even sure iffen I'd call it that as there doesn't seem to have been any change cept for not drinkin.
He just got drunk again.

Refiner

Oh Free... I'm so sorry it's happened. I know you saw it coming - you've learned so much! I wouldn't even call it a relapse, though as I don't believe he was ever IN RECOVERY. He was white knuckling through not drinking and abusing for a short while is all. I'm now very worried about you since now his cat's out of the bag he may just go all out. Stay safe, Free!

Jupiters

sorry you're right back here again FTS.
Even though you *saw* it coming, certainly doesn't make it an easier. That story about your son made my heart sink.
I hope you managed to get some shuteye. Stay safe, stay strong.

redatlanta

So sorry FTS - I hope today is a better day . Kudos to you for wanting more for your kids.

Sotiredofitall

I understand the sadness. Big hugs coming at you. I will be wrapping you in one of my big quilts and offering your sadness up to the universal spirit today. May he give you comfort and peace and strength throughout this day. ((((((((())))))

freetosmile

Yeah you guys are right. He was never in recovery. It was all just so fake and I knew it was a while ago.

he was pretty nasty last night. Very nasty indeed. I slept like crap last night. I have a math test today..Ahhhh!

Jupiters

boo to math tests! (I failed grade 10 math 2x!! LOL)
*hugs*

dandylion

freetosmile....I hope that you got through the math test o.k.

You have survived so many really, really tough hurdles in your life. You have what it takes to survive this.
We don't know just how brave we are until just the moment we need it and there are no other options!!!

I think you are as tough as the pioneer women who settled Nebraska.

dandylion

Refiner

Good luck on your math test, Free!

LexieCat

free, I'm so sorry. I agree, he never really got into recovery at all--he was going through the motions. That happens with lots of alcoholics until it sinks in that you don't just "go to rehab" and come out "fixed." It isn't like going in and having your appendix out.

I think you've been mentally prepared to deal with this, though, which is a good thing--you weren't completely blindsided.

I'm REALLY sorry for the abuse and your lack of sleep. I hope you are able to come to a peaceful solution. You're so much stronger than you were when you came here, and you see things so much more clearly.

Consider talking with an advocate about your options. With the history of abuse, it may well be that you could get a protective order if you decide you need him out of the house. I'm afraid that continuing to live this way may start tearing you and the kids down again.

Many hugs, and I hope the math test goes OK. Sending you good vibes.

Hawkeye13

Thinking of you free and sending you math magic

freetosmile

Thanks everyone. I really feel ready to leave this disaster forever. He kept sending all these texts last night when I was trying to sleep. I actually moved to the couch because between the dog and my daughter...there was NO room!

all his texts were just horrid.

I can do this. Its going to be ok. Isn't it?

Sungrl

That just sucks all the way around! I know you will ace your math test and do the right thing for you and your children. Take care of yourself.

Sungrl

To answer your question, I believe it's going to be just fine.

You have some big decisions to make , but you are a strong, intelligent survivor. I am not worried about you at all.

Katchie

Since you're ready to leave that disaster, time to invest in some earplugs for the times he begins railing accusations against you that you know are false until you can change the situation, which I hope is soon for you. Don't give his nasty comments the time of day to roam free in your head...they are lies, lies, lies

hopeful4

Free, the verbal abuse that you are experiencing is absolutely unacceptable. My heart just breaks for you. I am glad you are breaking not only the cycle of alcoholism, but more importantly, the abuse. You are right, they only have one childhood.

Much love coming your way my dear friend.

Mimi9013

Free- I'm sorry you are going through so much pain and having to make some big decisions right now, but I know you are more than strong enough to get through this!! I agree with what you said about the kids only having one childhood, and that is one of my biggest struggles.

I hope you did ok on your math test!! Remember 'One Day at a Time'!!

meggem

I am so so sorry. And yes, it IS going to be ok. I know the verbal abuse and the parade of text messages that follow... Ignore them.

Again, I am really really sorry...

You
CAN
do this.

zoso77

This happens a lot. People go into rehab, ostensibly to commit to sobriety, but after they dry out for X amount of time, they're back drinking before you know it. And you're right: it is sad.

There's also nothing you or anyone can do about it. But you know this.

So, respond appropriately.