Duckygirl1

Hi. This is my first post. You've heard it all before I'm sure, but it's new to me and I am just at the end of my tether. My ExAFB (oh, and heroine and pill popper) and I were together for a year before the grace of God intervened and he went to a long term in patient rehab. He volunteered for 12 months while waiting sentencing on his 5th dwi 4 of which he'd gotten before we met. When the judge saw that he was already in rehab, he became mandated for a full 18 months. Like so many I spent a year being loving, supportive and was willing to see it through the whole 18. I don't abandon people when it gets hard. For all of my support I was dumped 3 months in because "he needed to concentrate on him." This is a coed rehab and I know him. I'd safely bet my last pint of blood he's found a rehab play mate. Though I still have all of his property at my place. I haven't heard a peep in forever and then only after I call his mom to vent about it. I don't want him back in my life in any way just to get his junk and go! He'll have a place of his own. NY is real generous like that. I'm just so sick and tired of this idea that childhood lasts forever in the name of recovery and they can "get on" with their lives while we who loved them get to clean up the crap they leave behind! I'd love to go somewhere for 18 months where I don't even have to do my own laundry, no rent worries, school and job placement, get 3 good meals an exercise room and a shrink while other people play storage facility and pay my credit cards off! I know that sounds ungrateful and I'm not. It's by the grace of God that I avoided alcoholism and drug addiction. It's them first when using, them first when recovering! I will NEVER be involved with so much as a smoker ever again. I don't care if they have 20 years clean. ANY chance I would have to deal with this nonsense again is unacceptable! I hate to sound like a 1950's racist, but at this point I think people should stick with their own kind. Ex addicts with ex addicts and normies with normies. That way when the addict relapses at least they're not messing up someone who hasn't lived it. Sorry to sound harsh.

CodeJob

hello ducky! Aren't you a firecracker!!

So Did this experience cure you from 'bad boys'? He had 4 DWI before you even met him?!

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you posted!

We really should plan a rehab angel service that rolls in with housecleaning, groceries, yard work and a super babysitter so we can trek off to Al anon meetings and counseling to get our own head straight.

charis78

I can't say I blame you. Why are u still paying off his bills. Mail them to his mom

FeelingGreat

Hi Ducky, hope you're not still supporting him in any way, especially financially.

Take his stuff around to his Mom, or sell it off and give him the money, but let him know you're doing it before hand to give him a chance to collect. No way you're responsible for looking after it.

Good instincts about being wary of ex-addicts.

Duckygirl1

Thanks for your replays all. I just needed a vent. I should clarify. His mom is paying his credit cards-again. His parents are in Fl for the winter, but will be back in April. When they come back, this stuff is gone! This has left me so wounded. Reading through this site has given me such strength and I'm blown away how similar the stories are! So grateful for you all!

Refiner

Well, how do you do, Duckygirl! I'm so sorry what's brought you to this place, but just wanted to say WELCOME and vent away! You sound strong in your resolve and I'm SO glad you aren't paying his bills. Get his stuff out of there when his Mom's back and be GONE from him and never look back. I'm glad you found this site... you'll get some great support!