TerpGal

I can't just pick up and leave this second. I need to get our finances seperate. We have a joint account. Just today I have opened and account with USAA in my name only and when I get to work tomorrow, I will switch my direct deposit over to that. I will also have to switch my car payment over to the new account and the insurance. I will have to open up my own cell phone. I will have to figure out if my parents will let me live in the house I grew up in which is presently unoccupied. If they don't let me do that, my plan is sort of ruined. I hope they will let me. I don't plan on immediate divorce. Just need some time to get my **** together is all.

Celticgirl

Good luck. I will pray that your parents will do that for you, especially since the home is unoccupied. You need support, and I hope you have the kind of parents that will give that to you.

knowthetriggers

I am sorry you have to do this. Good luck! It will all work out!

Mimi9013

I hope they will let you! It sounds like you are doing good preparation work. I am not planning to leave just yet, but have made amendments to my direct deposit so 10% of my paycheck goes onto my pay card that AH doesn't have access to. I know it's not much, but depending on my sales could be a pretty good chunk. I just wanted to do enough that he won't notice, and we don't have a joint acct, so I really still have access to all of my money.

Good luck with everything

hopeful4

Good luck to you! Sounds like you are getting your ducks in a row. Do you have all the paperwork out of the house (social security cards, birth certs, insurance docs, etc)? If not, I urge you to do that. If you don't want him to see your mail open a PO Box.

Praying your parents come through. I work in insurance, homes hate being vacant, and insurance companies hate vacant homes, so maybe that could work in your favor.

Hugs.

lillamy

Oooh, I just responded to your other post -- this looks like a good step towards feeling like you have more control over your life. (((hugs)))

freetosmile

This is great news...i mean, not really, but the fact that you are taking care of YOU is commendable!

you are doing something that I don't have the guts to do yet. I admire you sooo much. You have no idea!!!

Refiner

I just read your other post, Terp. That is really GOOD you are making moves to get away. I hope it feels a little bit good that you've made some progress removing yourself... getting your own bank account and direct deposit = VERY GOOD START! If the unoccupied house doesn't work out, is there any way you could at least go to a decent rent by the week hotel for awhile to help settle your brain? I really do feel for you!

Yurt

I understand how unnerving it is when you are trying to make plans to leave (especially if you haven't broken the news yet). When I was in this same place (almost a year ago), I made a list of things that needed to be accomplished in order to make the move. I was seeing a counselor at the time that told me that doing all of these things did not necessarily mean that I had to go forward with the separation, but it did give me a sense of accomplishment; that I was one step further along on my path. After I made the list, I tried to accomplish at least one thing each day that would allow me to check off each item. I opened a PO box, opened new checking accounts with money I obtained from selling off some jewelry, scouted for places to live...etc. Each day, a box was packed (just organizing and cleaning), important papers were copied, and an inventory of personal items was noted (what am I going to take with me, and what am I willing to leave behind).
All of this gave me something to think about, rather than agonizing over whether I should or shouldn't leave. Deep down, I knew it was going to happen, but I couldn't face it until it was "time." My T gave me the tools to give myself permission to make progress before I settled on my decision. All of this allows you to feel like you are doing something, even if you have to wait on someone else's timeline.