New here...dating a RA!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Me too!
[QUOTE=lillamy;5164912]Any time someone says long lost soul mates, I reach for my revolver...
Know why? Because any time you tell yourself that "we are soul mates," you've romanticized a relationship and you've made yourself less capable of looking at it soberly (no pun intended).
[QUOTE=lillamy;5164912]Any time someone says long lost soul mates, I reach for my revolver...
Know why? Because any time you tell yourself that "we are soul mates," you've romanticized a relationship and you've made yourself less capable of looking at it soberly (no pun intended).
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 837
15, he got absolutely wasted, in front of my family (first meeting) and proceeded to show a side of him I never knew existed and never EVER wanted to see
If this is how he acted for the FIRST time meeting your family what will he be like in 10 yrs?? Please rethink this relationship.
If this is how he acted for the FIRST time meeting your family what will he be like in 10 yrs?? Please rethink this relationship.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Jacksonville, FL
Posts: 10
He started in counseling today and has said he will attend AA meetings. I'm not going to remind him or ask about them. If he allows much more time to go by then those are the exact actions I will base my decision on.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
There is something that sets apart the people that are posting here -- and the people that are 'normies' or that have never been in a long term relationship with an addict (or really anyone that is a very bad match). Well many things probably but one is the ability, at the start of a relationship, to make decisions that honor ourselves and our values.
It isn't luck. There might be a few people that have just never dated an addict or a guy that was bad for them but by and large - everyone crosses paths with at least one person that isn't right for them.
My cousin is like my sister. I consider her to be a very healthy and functional person
. I have a lot of FOO/Co-Dependent/Stuff going on. We are very close and I've been there for all her relationships. She has married and has the kind of marriage I want, solid and good. She was with her share of frogs. One of the big differences between her and me? She can choose herself. She was able to see the facts and decide that despite all the other 'love stuff' she could not move forward with a relationship if there were enough red flags. Full stop. She'd let them go even when she felt devastated by it. She doesn't post here
That is who he is. You, right now, have a choice. You can choose to honor yourself, your worth, and your values. You can look out for yourself because no one else is going to. No one is going to interfere in whatever choice you make.
Most of us here did not let go. We held on until they let us go or until we could hold on no longer. That is what I did and for what? It nearly destroyed both of us and in the wake are four innocent kids.
Eddiebuckle made a comment in a post some time ago. I think of it all the time and I immediately thought about it when reading this thread. "Small choices over time can radically alter the arc of ones life." You are making small choices regarding this relationship. One choice here, one choice there...and they are taking you someplace. Make sure it is a place you want to go.
PS: I re-read this and want to follow up by saying that not everyone posting here would make the same decisions on this day. There are so many bright shining lights of recovery here!
It isn't luck. There might be a few people that have just never dated an addict or a guy that was bad for them but by and large - everyone crosses paths with at least one person that isn't right for them.
My cousin is like my sister. I consider her to be a very healthy and functional person
. I have a lot of FOO/Co-Dependent/Stuff going on. We are very close and I've been there for all her relationships. She has married and has the kind of marriage I want, solid and good. She was with her share of frogs. One of the big differences between her and me? She can choose herself. She was able to see the facts and decide that despite all the other 'love stuff' she could not move forward with a relationship if there were enough red flags. Full stop. She'd let them go even when she felt devastated by it. She doesn't post here
Originally Posted by hereshoping15 
I made it really clear to him that I had no desire to have a partner in life that behaved like that and that I was totally turned off.
Most of us here did not let go. We held on until they let us go or until we could hold on no longer. That is what I did and for what? It nearly destroyed both of us and in the wake are four innocent kids.
Eddiebuckle made a comment in a post some time ago. I think of it all the time and I immediately thought about it when reading this thread. "Small choices over time can radically alter the arc of ones life." You are making small choices regarding this relationship. One choice here, one choice there...and they are taking you someplace. Make sure it is a place you want to go.
PS: I re-read this and want to follow up by saying that not everyone posting here would make the same decisions on this day. There are so many bright shining lights of recovery here!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
It isn't luck. There might be a few people that have just never dated an addict or a guy that was bad for them but by and large - everyone crosses paths with at least one person that isn't right for them.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
