dionysos803

Wow! well first I guess I should comment on the initial reason for this thread. The truth is, he knows what he's doing. That doesnt mean he can explain why hes doing it. Its an addiction. Period. Crackheads, herion addicts, those using meth and so on all pretty much get a hit of their substance of choice as doon ad they can once they manage to get their hands on it. for those still with a car, the moment the score some drugs from their dealer, they will then go back to their car and get their fix before leaving the location. the only difference here is that your AH has more dealers available for him to get his fix from.

next...you said its a small community you all live in. Im sure everyone Most people in the community are already aware of his problems. He stops all over town to buy boozes (im sure he foes it frequently). Everyone inbtown has either sold it to him, watched him buy it, or gossiped about watching him buy it so often.

Finally, he should loose his job. I truely hope for the best specifically for you. But for god sakes hes a teacher. what type of rolemodel can someone that cant wait to get the privacy of their own home to "unwind" Instead of risking the lives of everyone he passes on the road? If hes thats desperate for a drink that risking the lives of those around him is a viable option on a normal bases...im sure he's tought the young impressiinable minds of his class drunk more than once or twice. Personally id sue the school for allowing him to teach my kids....

WildRaspberry

Our state mandates the use of an intoxalock device if your DUI BAL is >.15; this is a great backup that must help with this problem. My RAH is doing great in AA, OP therapy and all but this device gives me extra peace of mind!

velma929

Teachers are usually unionized. I agree they *ought* to be people kids can look up to, that is not always what happens in real life. Poor behavior might cause a new employee to not be offered tenure, but a tenured teacher won't be fired for something going on in his private life. If he showed up at school drunk, that would be another matter.

As far as the "I don't know" comment; My late husband would have said the same. I suspect he honestly didn't know why he couldn't control his drinking when other people could.

fedup3

All I can say is I don't know what goes on in an alcoholics mind!! My XAH loved to drive drunk to the point he would pull up in the driveway and fall out of the car because he couldn't stand, ugh. I called the police on numerous occasions hoping they would catch him but they never did, my anxiety was through the roof that he would kill someone. I had to remove myself from him and all the insanity, after a long time I finally divorced him. Drunk driving was not the only reason.

TerpGal

My dad used to drive drunk. He used to drink in the car while driving, with his children in the car. Thank God nothing ever happened . He never got a DUI either. I remember SO clearly all those trips down to Souther ME when my grandparents lived there and had us over for holidays or parties or whatever. He would get smashed and then we would always stop at good ole Pushy Liquors and he would get a 6 pack of something nasty like Schlitz and proceed to drive home while killing the 6 pack. I have no idea how nothing ever happened, and I don't really remember being scared because I was too young to understand. My brother told me once when he and my mom drove separately and my brother was in the car with him a police car was tailgating him and when the police car finally passed him my dad screamed "f you copper" and threw a full beer can out the window. And nothing happened. The last time I remember him driving home drunk was on my wedding day. They planned on staying at the hotel. He got us kicked out of the hotel bar after getting wrecked at the wedding. We all met up with some friends of ours at another bar and my dad started doing shots and later on decided he didn't want to stay and drove home. I begged and pleaded with him to just come back to the hotel. I even offered to have them stay at our house which was walking distance (we were staying at the hotel). He refused and left me standing there crying my eyes out wondering if they would get home alive. They did thankfully. I don't know if he still does that or not, but I am pretty sure he has my mom drive now.

RAH used to drive drunk too. We would go out, he'd be sick of waiting for a cab and decide to drive home. There was one time I didn't think we were going to make it. All these times when he promised to be DD and started drinking anyway a few hours in. He never got caught either.

I have NEVER driven drunk. Or after drinking at all in fact. I think all my experiences made me hyper aware. Who knows why they do it. Anyone not living under a rock knows the consequences of driving drunk but they do it anyway. Another reason why you just cannot apply sense to an alcoholic.

dionysos803

Your absolutely correct in regards to teachers the TUs and tenure. But what do you think the odds are that someone that can't control themselves to wait long enough to get home to drink instead of downing it in their car is sober at work? Id even be willing to bet that this person wakes up on a consistent basis with a BAC above .08.

FlippedRHalo

My ex is a teacher too. Frightening, right? He would leave for work hours before he had to be there so he could hide somewhere and drink. The thing is, his tolerance for alcohol was so insanely high that he could drink quite a bit before he seemed drunk to anyone that didn't know him well. I guess he knew exactly how much to drink so he wouldn't look drunk.

It's sickening, and so very scary, that these people are responsible for such an important part of our children's lives and development.

Just goes to show how this disease completely takes their lives over and affects so many innocent people around them.

SoloMio

You described my AHs pattern to a T. Every day watch TV until the liquor stores open, then go get a pint, drive to the convenience store, buy cigarettes and lottery tickets, and then sit in the parking lot for an hour drinking and doing scratch-offs.

I think the car was like a safe little bubble for him to carry out all his "sins" without me around. He would admit things like, "look at what I've come to" meaning, from having a thriving business and entertaining in expensive restaurants, to hiding out in convenience store parking lots all alone. But that bubble was better than facing me at home. At least that's what I think. (I'm using past tense here, but confused about that since AH is so newly sober)

Oh, and BTW, this convenience store parking lot is the SAME one he got a DUI in several years ago.

kudzujean

This one's a keeper.

maia1234

An A on this forum posted this... you might find it interesting. Not that we non alkies understand but this is their battle...

His behavior is completely unacceptable and it is 100% typical of an alcoholic. We make terrible partners because - and this will be hard for you to hear - we love alcohol far more than we love our own partners. We will sacrifice anything, relationships with family, our business, our self respect, anything, to feed our addiction. We can't help it, alcohol takes over our brains and we do not think rationally. The ONLY way to break the ever spiraling situation is to stop drinking immediately and never drink again. Then with time we can learn to see straight again, think rationally again and eventually rebuild our lives.

Bernadette

Nothing gets in the way of their drinking. Nothing.

Why do they drink [in parking lots, bars, bathrooms, on couches, in garages, at picnics, in a closet, at football games, etc., etc.]? Because they are alcoholics. Period.

Peace,
B