Omg he is all over FB kissing another woman
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Join Date: Dec 2008
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Hi Jodie,
I'm so sorry you are in such pain.
But you know what, you have THIS community cheering YOU on! It will take time, I know because I have been where you are now. But I promise you...it does get better.
Sending you many hugs!
I'm so sorry you are in such pain.
But you know what, you have THIS community cheering YOU on! It will take time, I know because I have been where you are now. But I promise you...it does get better.
Sending you many hugs!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Originally Posted by Jodie77 
A few months ago he texted me he would die without me.
He knew what you wanted to hear, and it was to his benefit to make you believe that, at the time.
He isn't going to die without you, nor are you going to die without him. In fact, I see much health and personal growth in your future. Can't say that about him.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
I'm just shocked and devastated and maybe PTSD. I can't eat or sleep.
How does someone tell you one day they would die without you, and then because of a few bad fights just drop you like a one night stand?
The more horrifying thing I've heard was people saying he is "serious" with this girl. It must have been going on for awhile. My stomach is in knots. My heart shredded.
How does someone tell you one day they would die without you, and then because of a few bad fights just drop you like a one night stand?
The more horrifying thing I've heard was people saying he is "serious" with this girl. It must have been going on for awhile. My stomach is in knots. My heart shredded.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Jodie, he was serious enough with his wife to marry her and have three children with her. Commitment is not a part of his life. He hangs around until he thinks he's found something better. He'll most likely do the same with this new woman. Just be thankful that you didn't have children with him.
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The more horrifying thing I've heard was people saying he is "serious" with this girl. It must have been going on for awhile. My stomach is in knots. My heart shredded.
It's going to take some time for your brain to know what it knows. And once you're there, things will be clear. Trust me.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Sweetheart, you write so much about him and what he is doing and what is he thinking and what did he mean by this and how could he do this that I wonder sometimes if you remember that you even exist.
Do you know that you are special and worthy of real love and affection? And respect, and kindness, and to be listened to? Your worth and worthiness have nothing to do with him. They never did, and they don't know, however it feels. Sending you hugs and strength and courage to see this man as he REALLY is. Not who you have imagined him to be. When you can accept him at face value, you will realize how much more you deserve.
Do you know that you are special and worthy of real love and affection? And respect, and kindness, and to be listened to? Your worth and worthiness have nothing to do with him. They never did, and they don't know, however it feels. Sending you hugs and strength and courage to see this man as he REALLY is. Not who you have imagined him to be. When you can accept him at face value, you will realize how much more you deserve.
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: Alabama
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Originally Posted by Jodie77
I'm just shocked and devastated and maybe PTSD. I can't eat or sleep. How does someone tell you one day they would die without you, and then because of a few bad fights just drop you like a one night stand? The more horrifying thing I've heard was people saying he is "serious" with this girl. It must have been going on for awhile. My stomach is in knots. My heart shredded.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He didn't drop you because of a "few bad fights." He dropped you because you were in the way of his selfish addictions.
Look, Jodie, I know you're hurt, but think about it. The man has NO CHARACTER. Maybe you didn't see that at first, but he's shown you now.
Know what? If this gal gets fed up with him, he might come back to you all tearful and sorry and full of promises. If he did that, what would you do? Sign on for more disappointment and misery? Or show him the door, reminding him not to let it hit him in the ass on the way out?
You were lucky--you could have married this guy and had to deal with the misery of extricating yourself from a marriage, and spending lots of money and time in court. Trust me, you wouldn't want to have to deal with that. And suppose you had kids with him? Ugh--you'd be stuck dealing with him for the next 20 years or so.
Instead, YOU get to have a good life. You WILL get through your grief and heal from this. I guarantee it.
Look, Jodie, I know you're hurt, but think about it. The man has NO CHARACTER. Maybe you didn't see that at first, but he's shown you now.
Know what? If this gal gets fed up with him, he might come back to you all tearful and sorry and full of promises. If he did that, what would you do? Sign on for more disappointment and misery? Or show him the door, reminding him not to let it hit him in the ass on the way out?
You were lucky--you could have married this guy and had to deal with the misery of extricating yourself from a marriage, and spending lots of money and time in court. Trust me, you wouldn't want to have to deal with that. And suppose you had kids with him? Ugh--you'd be stuck dealing with him for the next 20 years or so.
Instead, YOU get to have a good life. You WILL get through your grief and heal from this. I guarantee it.
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
Jodie - My XABF#1 went on to marry someone he was seeing when we were together. My first thought was "why wasn't I good enough to marry".
Some time in recovery, I've reconnected with mutual friends and ran into him, recently, at the funeral for a mutual friend. I didn't recognize him, he seems to be pretending to be someone he isn't. His wife is a total codie, he's still drinking and nothing has changed except he seems to have gotten worse.
I couldn't SEE that at first, but with time, I did realize it wasn't about ME, it was about him. He just wants someone who will let him do as he pleases.
I had to sit down and right a TRUE list of the pros and cons of being with him. Yes, we had really good times, but I found out there was also a lot of bad stuff. I lost ME by being with him.
Yes, it hurts but it WILL get better. I'm pretty darned happy at not having anyone emotionally abuse me, these days! I pity the woman he is married to, but she has chosen that life. She's still bending over backwards to please him, she's nothing but another victim in his life.
Keep reading and posting, we are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Some time in recovery, I've reconnected with mutual friends and ran into him, recently, at the funeral for a mutual friend. I didn't recognize him, he seems to be pretending to be someone he isn't. His wife is a total codie, he's still drinking and nothing has changed except he seems to have gotten worse.
I couldn't SEE that at first, but with time, I did realize it wasn't about ME, it was about him. He just wants someone who will let him do as he pleases.
I had to sit down and right a TRUE list of the pros and cons of being with him. Yes, we had really good times, but I found out there was also a lot of bad stuff. I lost ME by being with him.
Yes, it hurts but it WILL get better. I'm pretty darned happy at not having anyone emotionally abuse me, these days! I pity the woman he is married to, but she has chosen that life. She's still bending over backwards to please him, she's nothing but another victim in his life.
Keep reading and posting, we are here for you.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
This isn't about you. This is about him. In his condition, his moral compass has been disabled. The only thing he cares about is what he wants and what makes him feel good, and he doesn't give rat's arse who he hurts in the process. The pleasure center in his brain has taken over, and the chemical rush he feels when he's with someone new is, in a way, like taking drugs itself.
Trust me. You will.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
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In listening to all you're all saying. Thank you.
I just spent Christmas with him and his family. His sister was telling me that he loved me. Everything was fine. Now SHE is the one "liking" and commenting on their photos. I feel like such a fool! They are all Greek and he met a Greek girl who is close to the family.
I am not Greek and stick out like a sore thumb with my blonde hair. I feel like I wasn't "good enough" for his culture. The entire family enables him; I was the only one constantly riding his case about the drugs and alcohol.
This new girl is no doubt gorgeous. She looks younger though...late 20's. Thinking about them having sex makes me want to vomit. These are all the things running through my mind. I can't imagine him treating her poorly because the Greek community won't tolerate it. Why do I feel like she'll be happily ever after with him?
He kept suggesting counseling with me because he really wanted us to work, but I wouldn't go to counseling because his substance abuse issues wouldn't have been addressed. Now I feel like the one at fault because I didn't try hard enough.
I just spent Christmas with him and his family. His sister was telling me that he loved me. Everything was fine. Now SHE is the one "liking" and commenting on their photos. I feel like such a fool! They are all Greek and he met a Greek girl who is close to the family.
I am not Greek and stick out like a sore thumb with my blonde hair. I feel like I wasn't "good enough" for his culture. The entire family enables him; I was the only one constantly riding his case about the drugs and alcohol.
This new girl is no doubt gorgeous. She looks younger though...late 20's. Thinking about them having sex makes me want to vomit. These are all the things running through my mind. I can't imagine him treating her poorly because the Greek community won't tolerate it. Why do I feel like she'll be happily ever after with him?
He kept suggesting counseling with me because he really wanted us to work, but I wouldn't go to counseling because his substance abuse issues wouldn't have been addressed. Now I feel like the one at fault because I didn't try hard enough.
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Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Jodie, I want to share a bit with you about a relationship in my past.
This relationship was a particularly unhealthy one--sort of on-again/off-again. I loved this man, I thought, in some magical way like no other man on the planet. In other words, I was obsessed.
When he broke up with me, I felt shattered into a million little pieces. It was an overwhelming grief and pain. I was truly in a depressed fog for weeks. My second blow came when I found out that he had moved another woman into his house and they were married! All within 6 months of breaking up with me.
The pain I felt was enormous! It felt as though I was literally covered with and completely surrounded by a sort of haze. I relied very heavily on my friends for support--probably wore them out completely with my constant phone calls. From inside my pain, I kept telling myself and all of my friends that I wanted to understand why he did what he did. Why would he tell me he loved me one day, and then break up with me the next? Didn’t he mean all the things he said? Someone who loved me would not toss me aside—would not choose to leave me!
I told myself at the time that understanding what he was thinking would help ease the pain I was feeling.
With time and distance from the relationship and a lot of honest reflection, here’s my ugly truth:
I wanted to know the ‘real reason’ (to understand) so that I could argue against it and change his mind.
The truth, and the thing that eventually brought me peace was this:
No amount of my understanding the situation was going to change that one, bottom-line, unwavering fact—he did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Once I accepted this (whether I understood it or not) I could grieve, mourn, and weep. I could work through the pain because there were no more 'What ifs?' or 'If only's' holding me back.
I had not wanted to face it, but when I did, and I worked through the grief, I ultimately recovered my joy and my life! One thing that helped me was to tell myself that this one person was not the only person in the world, and he should not be what keeps me from living a beautiful, fulfilled, and gloriously happy life. There were so many things I had yet to do, so many places I wanted to visit. I had my whole life ahead of me and a whole world full of people I could meet.
I’m writing this from the ‘other side’. I can tell you in all honesty that it is possible to have joy again, to love again, to be happy! Please be kind to yourself and know that this man breaking up with you does not mean you are unlovable.
You are wonderfully and amazingly you! You are a miracle all by yourself
This relationship was a particularly unhealthy one--sort of on-again/off-again. I loved this man, I thought, in some magical way like no other man on the planet. In other words, I was obsessed.
When he broke up with me, I felt shattered into a million little pieces. It was an overwhelming grief and pain. I was truly in a depressed fog for weeks. My second blow came when I found out that he had moved another woman into his house and they were married! All within 6 months of breaking up with me.
The pain I felt was enormous! It felt as though I was literally covered with and completely surrounded by a sort of haze. I relied very heavily on my friends for support--probably wore them out completely with my constant phone calls. From inside my pain, I kept telling myself and all of my friends that I wanted to understand why he did what he did. Why would he tell me he loved me one day, and then break up with me the next? Didn’t he mean all the things he said? Someone who loved me would not toss me aside—would not choose to leave me!
I told myself at the time that understanding what he was thinking would help ease the pain I was feeling.
With time and distance from the relationship and a lot of honest reflection, here’s my ugly truth:
I wanted to know the ‘real reason’ (to understand) so that I could argue against it and change his mind.
The truth, and the thing that eventually brought me peace was this:
No amount of my understanding the situation was going to change that one, bottom-line, unwavering fact—he did not want to be in a relationship with me anymore. Once I accepted this (whether I understood it or not) I could grieve, mourn, and weep. I could work through the pain because there were no more 'What ifs?' or 'If only's' holding me back.
I had not wanted to face it, but when I did, and I worked through the grief, I ultimately recovered my joy and my life! One thing that helped me was to tell myself that this one person was not the only person in the world, and he should not be what keeps me from living a beautiful, fulfilled, and gloriously happy life. There were so many things I had yet to do, so many places I wanted to visit. I had my whole life ahead of me and a whole world full of people I could meet.
I’m writing this from the ‘other side’. I can tell you in all honesty that it is possible to have joy again, to love again, to be happy! Please be kind to yourself and know that this man breaking up with you does not mean you are unlovable.
You are wonderfully and amazingly you! You are a miracle all by yourself
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
I guess my comments would be: ewwww. Yeeeech.
Thank goodness he is gone.
You may not see it yet . . . but . . . . Lucky You.
Really, really, my sister.
Take a look at my signature line.
That is the Real Deal.
You cannot have Good until you let go of Bad.
Thank goodness he is gone.
You may not see it yet . . . but . . . . Lucky You.
Really, really, my sister.
Take a look at my signature line.
That is the Real Deal.
You cannot have Good until you let go of Bad.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,905
Give it some time. It's okay to grieve. Cry, scream into a pillow, punch the stuffing out of a pillow! It's okay. But, PLEASE stop looking at FB pictures and tell your friends to stop informing you of what he's doing. You don't need to know that. It will just keep you upset.
Again, what he is doing is not about you at all! You didn't do the wrong thing or not do the right thing. He is just doing what he does. Milk a relationship for as much as he can get out of it and then move on to someone new. It's him, not you.
Again, what he is doing is not about you at all! You didn't do the wrong thing or not do the right thing. He is just doing what he does. Milk a relationship for as much as he can get out of it and then move on to someone new. It's him, not you.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Originally Posted by Jodie77
I just can't emotionally grasp all of this
See your doctor, he/she will refer you to someone you can debrief with. It's not going to fix anything fast, but your children need you.
Can you reach out to your own family or friends? But best of all, a counsellor, even on the phone.
Your children need you.
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