Is this addict behavior?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Is this addict behavior?
I waited 5 years for him to commit (after he called off our engagement 2 years ago). He sold his house so that we could buy a house together and he had a surgery scheduled for his vasectomy reversal.
He decided to drink all Christmas break and do blow and he wound up in an urgent care center with a "sinus infection." He tried staying the night at my apartment and then left in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep because his sinuses were so bad (cocaine much?)! This infuriated me because I knew the REAL reason. He is a 42 year old man! I called him a drug addict and a loser, etc. We fought for several days then he called me to dump me. He was SO unemotional, sure of himself, and detached when he called things off. Ive never heard that tone in his voice before, like he was breaking things off with a one night stand (not someone he spent 5 years with)!
Meanwhile we were having a house built so he will be moving there alone now, and he also cancelled his surgery for the reversal. He has totally cut me out cold turkey telling everyone he has moved on. But 2 days prior he was telling me he loved me. It's been 3 weeks (today) and I haven't heard a word! He is now moving into the neighborhood I begged him not to because it's where I lived with my ex husband. He always wanted to move there and now that he's dumped me he is happy to buy in that development.
This whole thing has been MADDENING for me, and beyond painful! I am doing everything I can in terms of Alanon, coda, therapy, books, and SR.
Can someone please explain is this just addict behavior from drug use and impulsivity? I'm very confused and sick of crying every day. Please don't tell me to "move on." It's been 3 weeks and I'm doing the best that I can. I just don't understand how he could cut me out so easily. It makes no sense. He didn't even give me the courtesy or respect to have a true conversation, he just quickly ended it over the phone and moved on.
He decided to drink all Christmas break and do blow and he wound up in an urgent care center with a "sinus infection." He tried staying the night at my apartment and then left in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep because his sinuses were so bad (cocaine much?)! This infuriated me because I knew the REAL reason. He is a 42 year old man! I called him a drug addict and a loser, etc. We fought for several days then he called me to dump me. He was SO unemotional, sure of himself, and detached when he called things off. Ive never heard that tone in his voice before, like he was breaking things off with a one night stand (not someone he spent 5 years with)!
Meanwhile we were having a house built so he will be moving there alone now, and he also cancelled his surgery for the reversal. He has totally cut me out cold turkey telling everyone he has moved on. But 2 days prior he was telling me he loved me. It's been 3 weeks (today) and I haven't heard a word! He is now moving into the neighborhood I begged him not to because it's where I lived with my ex husband. He always wanted to move there and now that he's dumped me he is happy to buy in that development.
This whole thing has been MADDENING for me, and beyond painful! I am doing everything I can in terms of Alanon, coda, therapy, books, and SR.
Can someone please explain is this just addict behavior from drug use and impulsivity? I'm very confused and sick of crying every day. Please don't tell me to "move on." It's been 3 weeks and I'm doing the best that I can. I just don't understand how he could cut me out so easily. It makes no sense. He didn't even give me the courtesy or respect to have a true conversation, he just quickly ended it over the phone and moved on.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
You held up a mirror and the image he saw was unflattering. He's going to surround himself with people who are just as sick or sicker than he is (like your brother) because it makes him feel better about himself to look good by comparison.
It's one of the tools addicts use to remain in denial. You had to go because you saw the truth that he's not ready to face yet.
Good call taking those steps to work your own recovery. Remember to be kind to yourself and take it slow.
It's one of the tools addicts use to remain in denial. You had to go because you saw the truth that he's not ready to face yet.
Good call taking those steps to work your own recovery. Remember to be kind to yourself and take it slow.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,426
His leaving you is such a huge blessing.
He is abusive and mentally ill, and someday when you get past the pain
of this, you will be thankful you got away before his big crash.
To answer your question, like ladyscribbler said,
you showed him the truth, so he cut you out.
Beyond that, there is no reason or rhyme.
He is abusive and mentally ill, and someday when you get past the pain
of this, you will be thankful you got away before his big crash.
To answer your question, like ladyscribbler said,
you showed him the truth, so he cut you out.
Beyond that, there is no reason or rhyme.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
Dear Jodie
Sounds like you have really been going through it.
I do not believe someone has to be addicted to dump someone else. Happens all the time.
However, the other things you have told us make it sound like he has a serious problem.
I know you don't want to hear "move on," so I am just going to say be single for a long time and work on yourself so you don't end up in another relationship with an addict.
Trust me that the pain will eventually subside.
Keep coming back here, and look into AlAnon.
Sounds like you have really been going through it.
I do not believe someone has to be addicted to dump someone else. Happens all the time.
However, the other things you have told us make it sound like he has a serious problem.
I know you don't want to hear "move on," so I am just going to say be single for a long time and work on yourself so you don't end up in another relationship with an addict.
Trust me that the pain will eventually subside.
Keep coming back here, and look into AlAnon.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
He told my brother I didn't cook for him, and I wore sweat pants around the house, and I never went to the gym with him. I am very much in shape and would also get very dressed up when we went out. I was forbidden to dress in sweats at home because it turned him off. And yes he wanted a gym partner and I didn't do that with him enough (he uses steroids too).
But at the core and foundation of my character I am loyal and faithful and patient and kind and understanding and passionate. I guess those things didn't matter. I know his ex wife cooked for him every night but he left her too (right after their 3rd baby was born) for some girl he met in Miami.
I know I made mistakes in the relationship but he was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo. I'm just feeling that maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me.
But at the core and foundation of my character I am loyal and faithful and patient and kind and understanding and passionate. I guess those things didn't matter. I know his ex wife cooked for him every night but he left her too (right after their 3rd baby was born) for some girl he met in Miami.
I know I made mistakes in the relationship but he was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo. I'm just feeling that maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
From what you've described this man is incapable of forming a bond with anyone. Hawkeye mentioned mental illness and I think that was spot on. Drugs aside, he seems to suffer some kind of personality disorder.
The stuff that comes out of his mouth is meaningless. All the blame really just means- "I am a sick man who is incapable of loving others."
Turning yourself into his supposedly perfect mate might have worked for awhile, until he found some other imaginary flaw to pick apart, anything to avoid the fact that HE is broken on a deep and fundamental level.
This was never about you cooking every night or going to the gym or not wearing heels and a cocktail dress while you folded laundry in front of the TV. He has to grasp at straws and point out imaginary flaws to avoid looking at himself.
The stuff that comes out of his mouth is meaningless. All the blame really just means- "I am a sick man who is incapable of loving others."
Turning yourself into his supposedly perfect mate might have worked for awhile, until he found some other imaginary flaw to pick apart, anything to avoid the fact that HE is broken on a deep and fundamental level.
This was never about you cooking every night or going to the gym or not wearing heels and a cocktail dress while you folded laundry in front of the TV. He has to grasp at straws and point out imaginary flaws to avoid looking at himself.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Jodie, it is classic codependent behavior to believe that "If I had only done this, then this person would have loved me better."
It is extremely difficult to accept that we had no control over how another person treated us, but it is the core thing we need to in order to let go and recover from an abusive relationship.
There is nothing you could have done to make him be someone he is not. Or to make him be the person you wish he were.
You can however be whomever and whatever YOU want to be. The more you linger on him and his motives, the less time and energy you have for taking care of yourself.
It is extremely difficult to accept that we had no control over how another person treated us, but it is the core thing we need to in order to let go and recover from an abusive relationship.
There is nothing you could have done to make him be someone he is not. Or to make him be the person you wish he were.
You can however be whomever and whatever YOU want to be. The more you linger on him and his motives, the less time and energy you have for taking care of yourself.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
This is stupid quacking, FYI.
Now being a Codie, I'm not supposed to tell you what to do, but here goes:
1. Put on your work out gear. If it is sweats, then Put them on. (F the above)
2. Go work out. (Clears your mind)
3. You have to smile at every person you see while out at gym or pass while working out. (Smiling lifts your own mood and offset isolation tactics)
4. Go to grocery store for something healthy and fresh. If you don't feel like cooking, get something easy like a premade salad with some protein to toss on it. (Take care of yourself. You are worth eating right.)
5. Take a nice long bath or shower. Meditate on something positive. In my early days it was Serenity, Courage and Wisdom stolen straight out of the Serenity Prayer and used like a mantra.
The top 5 steps are to help you take care of YOU. I could care less what your your train wreck addict thinks about you. You are the one doing the hard work to figure out how to better yourself. I care about YOU and seeing you get better.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 322
Jodie, honey, I say this with love....
He sounds like a complete psycho - addiction or no addiction. I'm sure addiction contributes to it, but it's sounds like this man-child has issues at a much deeper level.
His erratic behavior, probably addiction. His selfish, controlling, abusive behavior...sounds like it could just be him.
I know you're not at this point yet and I understand why, but hopefully you'll join me soon in thanking God that you're away from this jerk. I know you still feel like you love him, but this guy is definitely no prize sweets!
He really needs to get over himself...the drugs will take care of that soon, I'm sure.
He sounds like a complete psycho - addiction or no addiction. I'm sure addiction contributes to it, but it's sounds like this man-child has issues at a much deeper level.
His erratic behavior, probably addiction. His selfish, controlling, abusive behavior...sounds like it could just be him.
I know you're not at this point yet and I understand why, but hopefully you'll join me soon in thanking God that you're away from this jerk. I know you still feel like you love him, but this guy is definitely no prize sweets!
He really needs to get over himself...the drugs will take care of that soon, I'm sure.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Yes the emotional abuse was horrendous...wishing my plane crashed, calling me awful names, blaming me for anger issues (not realizing it's due to HIS behavior), making fun of my family. Then coming back and putting on the charm and being Mr. Wonderful.
Round and round for years. And then finally he dumped me off the ride. I guess that's the hardest part: loving him and tolerating mistreatment for so many years and then he ultimately leaves me.
Round and round for years. And then finally he dumped me off the ride. I guess that's the hardest part: loving him and tolerating mistreatment for so many years and then he ultimately leaves me.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
I know I made mistakes in the relationship but he was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo. I'm just feeling that maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me.
Jodie, the two phrases that are in bold above are the key to what is going on.
"He was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo" defines so much about him and his intent to hurt and control you. It is hard to accept, but this is who he is. This is what he wants to do. He wants to dominate you and keep you under his control. He achieves that by doing mean things to make you fearful, hurt, doubt yourself, feel demeaned and unworthy and incapable. That is his plan, his intent. (Even if he didn't consciously acknowledge that.)
Beneath that behavior, he wants to control you by having you see yourself only through the lens of HIS eyes, and he wants you to be submissive, fearful, and always ready to do exactly what he wants when and how he wants it. Most likely, he has to do this to keep his view of himself intact: he is superior, always right, never accountable for the consequences of his actions, and better than other people.
If he didn't bolster this self view, then he would have to look at his own behavior, own it, and make amends. For some people, that is so intolerable that they will do whatever they have to do, including emotionally capture and abuse a partner, so that they can "prove" to themselves that they are superior and in control. They need that feedback, so they create it by how they treat their partner and the responses they elicit from their partner.
For me, after abruptly leaving my emotionally and verbally alcohol addicted husband of 20 years, the first step was finally realizing that I HAD been abused, that this was not a normal relationship between two loving people. That was very hard, as strange as that may seem to people who had not been abused.
After so many years, I had come to believe, as he intended, that, that he was always right and I was wrong; that I was the lesser of us and should bow to his domination; that I was worthless and needed to beg for his approval to be okay.
So first, I had to see his behavior for what it was: abusive and coercive. You are taking that first step by writing that he was emotionally abusive and kept you on a yo-yo. That is huge progress.
Now comes the next step. When you write maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me, you are still in the mindset of the abused victim who has been taught to bow to his authority, to believe that he can do no wrong, so it must be YOU who has failed. You are feeling obligated to respond to his domination and be subservient. You believe, as he wanted, that the problem was your behavior and you are longing for him to forgive you, accept you, want you, value you.
For me, my feeling of self worth became tied up in how he perceived me. I forgot that I have worth just because I am.
This, for me, was the next pivot point in becoming healthy. Having begun to see what HIS behavior was, I then began to think about the impact of that on how I behaved and what I believed about myself. We have been, to some extent, brainwashed. So we need to relearn how to think for ourselves what we want. So, for me, I began to ask myself questions like, "wait a minute, if I had cooked better or whatever, would that have made a difference?" And the answer was always "no".
That process let me begin to own my own responses and to question my knee-jerk reactions that sent me into bouts of self blame and self doubt.
The end result is that we are as important as our abusive partners are, despite their intent to make us believe differently. For me, I needed a therapist skilled in addiction and abuse to help me sort this out, and it was worth every moment. Alanon can help, as can SoberRecovery.
It took me quite a while to make the transition into believing that I am worthy and independent, with the right to think for myself, and view myself as someone healthy and free. It was essential to me to have a therapist as a sounding board to hear my thoughts about myself and reflect them back to me so that I could think them through and become free.
As painful as it can be, Jodie, I think you are on the path to recovery. It takes time, so be patient that there are answers out there and that you will not always feel the way you do now. It is early days, and as time goes by and you figure out more of this, I believe that you will feel better and better.
ShootingStar1
Jodie, the two phrases that are in bold above are the key to what is going on.
"He was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo" defines so much about him and his intent to hurt and control you. It is hard to accept, but this is who he is. This is what he wants to do. He wants to dominate you and keep you under his control. He achieves that by doing mean things to make you fearful, hurt, doubt yourself, feel demeaned and unworthy and incapable. That is his plan, his intent. (Even if he didn't consciously acknowledge that.)
Beneath that behavior, he wants to control you by having you see yourself only through the lens of HIS eyes, and he wants you to be submissive, fearful, and always ready to do exactly what he wants when and how he wants it. Most likely, he has to do this to keep his view of himself intact: he is superior, always right, never accountable for the consequences of his actions, and better than other people.
If he didn't bolster this self view, then he would have to look at his own behavior, own it, and make amends. For some people, that is so intolerable that they will do whatever they have to do, including emotionally capture and abuse a partner, so that they can "prove" to themselves that they are superior and in control. They need that feedback, so they create it by how they treat their partner and the responses they elicit from their partner.
For me, after abruptly leaving my emotionally and verbally alcohol addicted husband of 20 years, the first step was finally realizing that I HAD been abused, that this was not a normal relationship between two loving people. That was very hard, as strange as that may seem to people who had not been abused.
After so many years, I had come to believe, as he intended, that, that he was always right and I was wrong; that I was the lesser of us and should bow to his domination; that I was worthless and needed to beg for his approval to be okay.
So first, I had to see his behavior for what it was: abusive and coercive. You are taking that first step by writing that he was emotionally abusive and kept you on a yo-yo. That is huge progress.
Now comes the next step. When you write maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me, you are still in the mindset of the abused victim who has been taught to bow to his authority, to believe that he can do no wrong, so it must be YOU who has failed. You are feeling obligated to respond to his domination and be subservient. You believe, as he wanted, that the problem was your behavior and you are longing for him to forgive you, accept you, want you, value you.
For me, my feeling of self worth became tied up in how he perceived me. I forgot that I have worth just because I am.
This, for me, was the next pivot point in becoming healthy. Having begun to see what HIS behavior was, I then began to think about the impact of that on how I behaved and what I believed about myself. We have been, to some extent, brainwashed. So we need to relearn how to think for ourselves what we want. So, for me, I began to ask myself questions like, "wait a minute, if I had cooked better or whatever, would that have made a difference?" And the answer was always "no".
That process let me begin to own my own responses and to question my knee-jerk reactions that sent me into bouts of self blame and self doubt.
The end result is that we are as important as our abusive partners are, despite their intent to make us believe differently. For me, I needed a therapist skilled in addiction and abuse to help me sort this out, and it was worth every moment. Alanon can help, as can SoberRecovery.
It took me quite a while to make the transition into believing that I am worthy and independent, with the right to think for myself, and view myself as someone healthy and free. It was essential to me to have a therapist as a sounding board to hear my thoughts about myself and reflect them back to me so that I could think them through and become free.
As painful as it can be, Jodie, I think you are on the path to recovery. It takes time, so be patient that there are answers out there and that you will not always feel the way you do now. It is early days, and as time goes by and you figure out more of this, I believe that you will feel better and better.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
3 weeks out of a long term relationship is not long enough to go through all the stages of grief. You seem to jump from denial to bargaining lying it all on his addictive behaviors and his cruelty.
Maybe now is the time to look at the entire relationship through new glasses. Get a real look at what it really was vs the fantasy you wished it was.
Us codies are great at swearing that the round peg really does fit into the square one. Because if it didn't we were truely living a lie, a lie we so desperately needed to believe.
Maybe now is the time to look at the entire relationship through new glasses. Get a real look at what it really was vs the fantasy you wished it was.
Us codies are great at swearing that the round peg really does fit into the square one. Because if it didn't we were truely living a lie, a lie we so desperately needed to believe.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Baltimore, MD
Posts: 348
Thank you all. Shootingstar, thank you for such a candid share. Everything you said made perfect sense and is pretty much exactly what I'm going through.
One minute he'll tell me "you are literally my dream girl" then when we fight he calls me "dirtball." Then he'll tell me how great of a time he has with me when we are getting along but turn right around and say I'm the most boring person he's ever dated.
He took me to Turks and Caicos for my bday last year and he drank the entire trip, berating me in front of strangers, leaving me in the hotel crying while he went out drinking, comes back to hotel room and said he wants to go home because he missed his mom. He was banging on the airport windows because we missed our plane. Then when we get home he says "I spent $10k on that trip...don't ever say I didn't do anything for you!"
One minute he'll tell me "you are literally my dream girl" then when we fight he calls me "dirtball." Then he'll tell me how great of a time he has with me when we are getting along but turn right around and say I'm the most boring person he's ever dated.
He took me to Turks and Caicos for my bday last year and he drank the entire trip, berating me in front of strangers, leaving me in the hotel crying while he went out drinking, comes back to hotel room and said he wants to go home because he missed his mom. He was banging on the airport windows because we missed our plane. Then when we get home he says "I spent $10k on that trip...don't ever say I didn't do anything for you!"
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
My situation was a bit different but I can relate to getting stuck trying to make sense of his decisions and behavior. There is absolutely no upside in doing that. It gets us nowhere, brings no relief, gets us no closer to healing. It helped me to try and turn the questions back around on myself. Those questions were actually equally as mystifying but I could get at an answer, and in so doing, I got closer to peace. I could see the path in front of me rather than being stuck looking at the road behind me. It was empowering.
He's an addicted abusive mess. That is the bottom line regarding what he does. Nowhere else to go with it.
What kinds of questions can you ask yourself? Ask and chase down the answer to those. It is hard to do but, IME, that is where you'll find healing.
He's an addicted abusive mess. That is the bottom line regarding what he does. Nowhere else to go with it.
What kinds of questions can you ask yourself? Ask and chase down the answer to those. It is hard to do but, IME, that is where you'll find healing.
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Join Date: Feb 2007
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Yes!!!
Originally Posted by jodie77 
i waited 5 years for him to commit (after he called off our engagement 2 years ago). He sold his house so that we could buy a house together and he had a surgery scheduled for his vasectomy reversal.
He decided to drink all christmas break and do blow and he wound up in an urgent care center with a "sinus infection." he tried staying the night at my apartment and then left in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep because his sinuses were so bad (cocaine much?)! This infuriated me because i knew the real reason. He is a 42 year old man! I called him a drug addict and a loser, etc. We fought for several days then he called me to dump me. He was so unemotional, sure of himself, and detached when he called things off. Ive never heard that tone in his voice before, like he was breaking things off with a one night stand (not someone he spent 5 years with)!
Meanwhile we were having a house built so he will be moving there alone now, and he also cancelled his surgery for the reversal. He has totally cut me out cold turkey telling everyone he has moved on. But 2 days prior he was telling me he loved me. It's been 3 weeks (today) and i haven't heard a word! He is now moving into the neighborhood i begged him not to because it's where i lived with my ex husband. He always wanted to move there and now that he's dumped me he is happy to buy in that development.
This whole thing has been maddening for me, and beyond painful! I am doing everything i can in terms of alanon, coda, therapy, books, and sr.
Can someone please explain is this just addict behavior from drug use and impulsivity? I'm very confused and sick of crying every day. Please don't tell me to "move on." it's been 3 weeks and i'm doing the best that i can. I just don't understand how he could cut me out so easily. It makes no sense. He didn't even give me the courtesy or respect to have a true conversation, he just quickly ended it over the phone and moved on.
He decided to drink all christmas break and do blow and he wound up in an urgent care center with a "sinus infection." he tried staying the night at my apartment and then left in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep because his sinuses were so bad (cocaine much?)! This infuriated me because i knew the real reason. He is a 42 year old man! I called him a drug addict and a loser, etc. We fought for several days then he called me to dump me. He was so unemotional, sure of himself, and detached when he called things off. Ive never heard that tone in his voice before, like he was breaking things off with a one night stand (not someone he spent 5 years with)!
Meanwhile we were having a house built so he will be moving there alone now, and he also cancelled his surgery for the reversal. He has totally cut me out cold turkey telling everyone he has moved on. But 2 days prior he was telling me he loved me. It's been 3 weeks (today) and i haven't heard a word! He is now moving into the neighborhood i begged him not to because it's where i lived with my ex husband. He always wanted to move there and now that he's dumped me he is happy to buy in that development.
This whole thing has been maddening for me, and beyond painful! I am doing everything i can in terms of alanon, coda, therapy, books, and sr.
Can someone please explain is this just addict behavior from drug use and impulsivity? I'm very confused and sick of crying every day. Please don't tell me to "move on." it's been 3 weeks and i'm doing the best that i can. I just don't understand how he could cut me out so easily. It makes no sense. He didn't even give me the courtesy or respect to have a true conversation, he just quickly ended it over the phone and moved on.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
I know I made mistakes in the relationship but he was very emotionally abusive and kept me on a yo-yo. I'm just feeling that maybe if I cooked more or went to the gym with him then he would have bonded with me more and maybe not left me.
no baby, you just picked the wrong guy. he is INCAPABLE of having a true committed relationship with ANYONE. he left his wife after she gave birth to their third CHILD. he wants it all to LOOK GOOD on the outside, because he is empty inside. he's keeping a façade going and he sees women as decorations, not people.
he showed you what a controlling abusive @SS he is.....never EVER let anyone treat you like that again. he left cuz it's easy for him. sure he might have SAID nice words, sometimes, but you can train parrots to say stuff too.
actions. not words.
no baby, you just picked the wrong guy. he is INCAPABLE of having a true committed relationship with ANYONE. he left his wife after she gave birth to their third CHILD. he wants it all to LOOK GOOD on the outside, because he is empty inside. he's keeping a façade going and he sees women as decorations, not people.
he showed you what a controlling abusive @SS he is.....never EVER let anyone treat you like that again. he left cuz it's easy for him. sure he might have SAID nice words, sometimes, but you can train parrots to say stuff too.
actions. not words.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,256
I would not be able to say just from what you wrote that this is addict behavior. You said that he drank all Christmas and did some Coke. It is possible that people who are not addicts can do this too. It seems like you became very frustrated by this isolated incident about his sinuses and called him a couple names, which he then became angry at. But I would think it would be safe to not get too involved with someone who does coke.
He does seem to be mentally abusive, however. I would never want to be with a man who forbade me to wear sweat pants around the house b/c it turned him off.
I would feel like an object and not a partner. This guy seems way too high maintenance, I would never be able to just relax with such a guy and would probably develop an anxiety disorder.
He does seem to be mentally abusive, however. I would never want to be with a man who forbade me to wear sweat pants around the house b/c it turned him off.
I would feel like an object and not a partner. This guy seems way too high maintenance, I would never be able to just relax with such a guy and would probably develop an anxiety disorder.
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