Soberintexas007

It is true that denial not only lies within the alcoholic, but also his family. Even though my mother in law knows about her son's relapse (and how technically this should have meant the end of our relationship since he has no desire to become sober), she still finds ways to deflect the blame onto someone else.

Who is this person she is deflecting the blame onto? No, it's not me, but is my husband's stepmother, who invited us last minute to take a trip to Oregon for my husband's father's 65th birthday party. My husband cannot go because his work is not letting him, and I also told him it was a risky trip to go to, since he would be driving 8.5 hours on a Friday and driving home that distance on Sunday, with a party in between.

My husband's mother wishes his stepmother would have given him more notice since the trip could have been planned because it is my husband's father, and she said that his stepmother sabotages everything and does not do anything normally.

But the real issue here is not my husband's stepmother, but my husband's drinking. My mother in law seems more invested in getting angry at his stepmother rather than directing her energy where it truly belongs - at her son and his unwillingness to recover from alcohol. She is pretty much deflecting the attention away from her son and onto the stepmother.

I just realize that my mother in law is sick just like my husband, and I will just pray for her. But if this drama continues and irrational decisions continue to be made due to drinking and people not thinking clearly, I will more quickly reach my breaking point and tell everyone this - I love my husband, but it is just not working for me anymore. The drama is too much for me, and I need to take care of myself by getting out of this situation.

Soberintexas007

By the way, I am not saying that my mother in law should get angry at her son for drinking, but she should at least not deflect that anger onto someone else.

Katchie

Good for you that you recognize this -- hugs

dandylion

JustBreathe.....I found that it gets so much easier when you step away from the whole enchelada of in-law drama. Every single one of them.

dandylion

Soberintexas007

I will probably feel better tomorrow. Whenever I get triggered by something like this, it always takes me about 24 hours to deflate.

shil2587

Me too. It's like the whole body has to expunge the feeling and restabalise. I also feel a dull ache somewhere in my chest. I guess that's where I hold anxiety. Stress is definitely held in my shoulders though.

So what will you do for the next 24hours for yourself?

I am going to watch junk TV, do no housework and then go out to dinner with friends.

FeelingGreat

Try and let it wash over you JB. If you practice hard you can get very good at it. It seems your MIL has unloaded her opinions on you? Be as noncommittal as possible and she'll get the message.

I get on well with my children's step mother, but somehow there's an instinct to find fault with her! I resist hard.

Soberintexas007

Going to just relax today and watch some tv. Was watching my sister's dog, so that was nice.