My Newbie Story...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 4
My Newbie Story...
Well that is what I wish it was, all a story with a happy ending that I can choose. But it isn't. Its not a story - its my life.
I met my OH 9 years ago, I was 17 and he was 21. Our drinking habits were pretty much the same then, working all week to live for the weekends as most do at that age.
At 22 I had our first child (a surprise but happy none the less) and bought a house. We then had our second child 18 months later.
His drinking over the years has become more and more. From weekends it has crept into the weekdays. From one beer a night after work to 3,4,5,6. Where I could have 1 drink and stop - he couldn't.
There have been many, many horrible nights of rows and disgusting behaviour from him when he has been drunk. Too many to tell you all about and tbh would rather forget than discuss. I have put up with so much crap I have many times asked myself why I am still here with him. He is so lovely when sober but after one drink too many it is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
When my second child was around 10 months old there was one terrible night where I was actually frightened for me and my children. I tried to leave the house but he wouldn't let me he was so drunk he thought he would call the police because I was trying to take the kids with me! ANYWAY....the upshot was I told him to leave, he admitted he had a drink problem and spent 3 months sober, out of the house and going to AA.
I was so so proud of him it was a huge thing for us. But after moving back in the drink slowly but surely crept its way back into our lives.
He is currently drinking 2/4 ciders Monday/Thursday and more on Fri/Sat/Sun.
His boss and wife are RA of 10 years sober and they have been a great help to me recently. He admitted (again after a awful night of verbal abuse and threatening to smash my car up etc) that he is again struggling with the drink. But since this revelation not much has happened. He gave up for 5 days to prove to himself he could not drink if he chose not to and then carried on as per after that as if those 5 days meant that actually he was fine (even though he was miserable, missed it, had to come home and practically go straight to bed).
I am now planning to vent on here instead of at him, have stopped drinking myself and will be going to Al-Anon once a week. I need to understand this all more. I think up until this point I have been in denial about his drink problem as much as he has.
Thank you if you have made it this far!! Sorry that was really long!
I met my OH 9 years ago, I was 17 and he was 21. Our drinking habits were pretty much the same then, working all week to live for the weekends as most do at that age.
At 22 I had our first child (a surprise but happy none the less) and bought a house. We then had our second child 18 months later.
His drinking over the years has become more and more. From weekends it has crept into the weekdays. From one beer a night after work to 3,4,5,6. Where I could have 1 drink and stop - he couldn't.
There have been many, many horrible nights of rows and disgusting behaviour from him when he has been drunk. Too many to tell you all about and tbh would rather forget than discuss. I have put up with so much crap I have many times asked myself why I am still here with him. He is so lovely when sober but after one drink too many it is like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
When my second child was around 10 months old there was one terrible night where I was actually frightened for me and my children. I tried to leave the house but he wouldn't let me he was so drunk he thought he would call the police because I was trying to take the kids with me! ANYWAY....the upshot was I told him to leave, he admitted he had a drink problem and spent 3 months sober, out of the house and going to AA.
I was so so proud of him it was a huge thing for us. But after moving back in the drink slowly but surely crept its way back into our lives.
He is currently drinking 2/4 ciders Monday/Thursday and more on Fri/Sat/Sun.
His boss and wife are RA of 10 years sober and they have been a great help to me recently. He admitted (again after a awful night of verbal abuse and threatening to smash my car up etc) that he is again struggling with the drink. But since this revelation not much has happened. He gave up for 5 days to prove to himself he could not drink if he chose not to and then carried on as per after that as if those 5 days meant that actually he was fine (even though he was miserable, missed it, had to come home and practically go straight to bed).
I am now planning to vent on here instead of at him, have stopped drinking myself and will be going to Al-Anon once a week. I need to understand this all more. I think up until this point I have been in denial about his drink problem as much as he has.
Thank you if you have made it this far!! Sorry that was really long!
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: South Central USA
Posts: 1,478
Originally Posted by LilLost 
I am now planning to vent on here instead of at him, have stopped drinking myself and will be going to Al-Anon once a week. I need to understand this all more. I think up until this point I have been in denial about his drink problem as much as he has.
Thank you if you have made it this far!! Sorry that was really long!
Thank you if you have made it this far!! Sorry that was really long!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 865
Hi LilLost!
Venting - oh how I love to vent. I can also suggest writing in a journal. I go back thru my journal every now and then and read some of my vents and at times I giggle at the madness I have written on the paper.
You are in a good place here - lots of support.
Venting - oh how I love to vent. I can also suggest writing in a journal. I go back thru my journal every now and then and read some of my vents and at times I giggle at the madness I have written on the paper.
You are in a good place here - lots of support.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Bristol
Posts: 4
I feel that when I talk to friends or family members about it all the response is generally "oh just leave him - haven't you been here before" etc. That is not helpful, I know that what they say is out of love and wanting me to be happy but I want to be happy with him only difference is I want him sober. I feel quite calm now in knowing I have found people who genuinely understand where I am coming from. I want him to get better for me, himself and our kids.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Iowa
Posts: 3,050
Alanon meetings are a good start, as well as posting here. I am concerned for your safety and your childrens' safety when he is drinking. That type of abusive behavior escalates over time, becoming more frequent and worse as time goes on. My ex escalated from verbal to physical abuse against me and threats against my oldest son.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
Hey there:
Between individual counseling, alanon, and this forum...I have managed to pull myself up from the ashes and recognize myself as being human again.
I'm so sorry that your going through this. I think you have come to the right place. I choose not to vent to my RAH anymore. This is the place I come. I find the people here to be very caring, compassionate, and in my face ( when I need to take my rose colored glasses off).
Please do come back. I think once you get YOURSELF back, you will see that there is a whole new world waiting for you that DOESN'T force you to tolerate verbal abuse and lack of safety, even if you choose to stay with this person. Peace and serenity CAN be obtained whether the A is drinking or not. That is way alanon says and I believe it. I have felt some of that peace lately and it has been mind blowing for me.
Between individual counseling, alanon, and this forum...I have managed to pull myself up from the ashes and recognize myself as being human again.
I'm so sorry that your going through this. I think you have come to the right place. I choose not to vent to my RAH anymore. This is the place I come. I find the people here to be very caring, compassionate, and in my face ( when I need to take my rose colored glasses off).
Please do come back. I think once you get YOURSELF back, you will see that there is a whole new world waiting for you that DOESN'T force you to tolerate verbal abuse and lack of safety, even if you choose to stay with this person. Peace and serenity CAN be obtained whether the A is drinking or not. That is way alanon says and I believe it. I have felt some of that peace lately and it has been mind blowing for me.
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