In any way, would this be acceptable?
 

So, these are texts that I've found on my husbands phone.
He has a "thing" about being close friends with other females. It's been an issue in our marriage for years. These are the latest I've found, from a couple of months ago, after I found these, he is VERY careful to delete everything on his phone nightly. And he keeps his phone next to him at all times.


He was drunk and passed out and his phone was receiving texts at like 2am, so I looked. Found these....
The ones to/from Susan - he is VERY close to Susan. She was a bartender at a bar he started going to regularly a couple of years ago. Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend. VERY uncharacteristic of him to so that. He could never give me a specific reason why he went to such lengths.She's a musician also and will call him on the phone and sing him songs. He then posts to Facebook about how special it makes him feel to have someone call him and sing him songs on the phone. I'm pretty sure Susan knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. Susan moved out of state but they still talk daily, I am never allowed to hear the conversation.

Then there is Nicole. She, also, was a bartender at the same bar and one of Susan's best friends. Nicole is still local to us. I'm pretty sure most nights AH stops in and has a drink at the new place that she works just to see her. Nicole also knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. They also talk daily & are very close.

I know, from other things I read that they have both been advising AH to leave me for a long time. I'm sure he fills their heads with all sorts of stories.
Both of these girls are almost 1/2 my husband's age. Both are party girls.

When confronted and put on the spot, AH claims that he just normally feels closer to females as he was raised with 3 sisters. (who he is also very close to and who also all hate me - I've never found out why, in 20 years)

These aren't the only girls. When AH had a young girl working as secretary at the small company he worked for, I found emails from him that read "When I close my eyes and think about you, I smile" and some nonsense about her to imagine him as a stripper, and put $1 in his g-string....weird.

Another girl that has been an on-going issue, I've seen FB messages from him that say "Good morning sweetie, have a good day. I'll call you later" He also has been known to hang out at the bar/restaurant where she works.

These are only a few examples.
He SWEARS on his grandma's grave, swore on a bible too, that ALL of these girls have been platonic friendships. These girls are mostly all part of this large hippi-ish music loving social circle that all of his friends are in.

And yet. He "loves me more than any person in this world" "wouldn't be able to live without me" "his life would be nothing without me" "wouldn't want to live without me" and he asks me this all of the time, in an exasperated tone "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?!" "How could you ever question how much I love and want you?"

I don't go out with him anymore because he gets so embarrassingly drunk and it's just not my crowd, so he's always out partying with these girls (and more, his FB friends list is made up of mostly younger party girls) he goes alone to multi day music festivals and does 'shrooms and drinks and who knows what else around all of these girls.

Am I wrong to think this is 100% inappropriate for a married man? He's almost 47yo. These girls are 30yo tops. We have gone around and around this issue countless times.
Just last night he told me that he had a "side job" after work and he wouldn't be home until later. I tried to call him at around 6:30 (2 hours after he gets off at his regular job) and no answer of course.
I had insomnia really bad last night and looked at his phone. Apparently he was at her Nicole's apt around the time I tried to call him. There were texts about him ringing the bell first so as not to scare Nicole's room mate and then from him the next text was "thanks u r the best." And I checked his call log, of course, daily calls between him and Susan and him and Nicole.
And another text to some other girl with him asking her what days off she has this week.

Am I the paranoid one here? Because I'm tired of being called paranoid and insecure and him blaming my jealousy and paranoia on me.

To add to the fire. I have a facial deformity that affects the right side of my face and my front top teeth. Which only adds to me being insecure, seeing him so close to these young beautiful girls all of the time..........

Not even close to OK. Not even in the ballpark.

I'm so sorry pink. ((((HUGS))))

No!

ummm pink?
no.
none of what you wrote or have posted is acceptable in any way, shape or form.
NONE of it.
I am so sorry you are going through this, what a nightmare.
But no, these are not just friends, I hate to say it. :(

Completely NOT ok.

Sorry you have this rubbish to deal with.

I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Only you can decide to leave him. I would not want to live like this.

WTF?

First though be careful about those images, don't know if you can get in trouble for showing us those, but don't make trouble or yourself.

That said, I guess technically he has a right to text anything to anybody he darn well chooses.

Is that what I would call appropriate for a married man? hell no, not in my book.

Why are you still with the loser? That is disrespectful, and I would think hurtful.

Did he sleep with any of these women, who knows? He will never admit to that. This would truly be my breaking point and I would be on the next train outta there.

What a pig!

i think it's against the SR rules to post verbatim texts and emails....and to post photos of texts.......

that being said, your husband sounds like a horn dog and you've been played big time. but that is MY opinion, i'm not married to the jackass.

it is undoubtedly worse than you imagine. sorry.

I tried to post, let me try again.

My X said and did this exact same thing. Come to find out, he was screwing all of them. Gross.

GET OUT NOW!!!!

Totally unacceptable. So sorry, pink.

thanks everyone. the screen shots had to be deleted.
If I can't post what the texts said, then the reason for posting this thread is defeated.

we get the idea pink.

so what do you want to DO about this? it's gone on a LONG time, he's shown you who he is, over and over.

The prose of your initial post in this thread paint the picture.

The screen shots are off...I think our members understand without the exact content how disturbing it would be to know one's husband was chronically exchanging what could politely be called super flirtatious posts with single young girls. The post can stay as edited if that's okay with you Pinkpeony.

yes, thanks, greeteachday for being a pain!

I saw the screen shots pink, totally get it.

What would you advise if one of your friends was experiencing this?
Would you say its acceptable?

what adds to my confusion is that on the occasion that I have gone out with AH (there is one musician guy that I really like to go see when he comes to town) is that he is very into introducing me to his other friends, those girls are friendly to me (one more than the other) there are plenty of public displays of affection displayed between me and AH. There have been plenty of times when he has introduced me to someone and I hear "wow! I finally get to meet you, (AH) has told us so much about you!" He makes it known that I'm his wife and acts happy and proud about it.

Its all very confusing to me. And I just wondered if there was any way that anyone thought that it was possible that he is able to have these flirty yet platonic relationships with other females. If I gave him the ultimatum right now, I know for a fact, he would choose his friendships with them over me. And he's said before that he would because there is nothing going on and I am just insecure and paranoid and its helping to ruin our marriage.

No, no way, it's totally unacceptable :(

I haven't seen the screen shots, peony, but they're not really necessary. Any man who has daily contact with -- and for GOD'S SAKE drives through a blizzard because he HAS to see a woman who is not his mother, his wife, or his daughter -- he's up to no good.

This also puzzles me:
Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions here, but... you are female, right? So this isn't about feeling closer to females, this is about getting to hang out with women who are not his wife.

And you know, I've said this before -- what's acceptable to one person in a relationship isn't acceptable to another. My best friend stayed in a marriage where she knew she was being cheated on because she thought it was better for the children. I stayed in a marriage with an abusive drunk because... well, hell if I know why anymore. Another friend is shocked that I am now married to a guy who putzes around in sweats most days -- she couldn't handle that -- and I couldn't handle being married to her husband who in my eyes is a whiny little p.... bad word.

What we find reasonable to put up with is always up for negotiation. There's no right or wrong answer. But when you're asking if there is any way your husband's behavior would be acceptable, I have to say "No, not to me. Not even by a long shot."