In any way, would this be acceptable?
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 765
Relationships are more than about just one event. There is much to consider.
Sometimes we do get paranoid. Sometimes we are dishonest too. And sometimes we're just settling for less.
This is why everyone has to do their own work.
The 12 Steps are available to anyone who is really serious about finding a solution for themselves and those around them. It is available to all who seek.
Our answers are only inside of us.
Sometimes we do get paranoid. Sometimes we are dishonest too. And sometimes we're just settling for less.
This is why everyone has to do their own work.
The 12 Steps are available to anyone who is really serious about finding a solution for themselves and those around them. It is available to all who seek.
Our answers are only inside of us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 106
No, No, and NOOOOOOOOOO
I could not accept this but then again as lilliamy said whats acceptable to one person isn't to another. Honestly I know I have put up with things that I never would have thought I would. I think he has really messed with your head he sounds VERY manipulating and all the things he says about how could you question his love and not know how much he loves you?!?!? umm Pink that's him manipulating YOU he needs to make you feel guilty for EVEN thinking he would do something like that! if he can make You feel guilty and terribly ashamed of yourself for questioning him then guess what ? I bet you want do it again! if he can make you feel guilty enough you might even end up begging him to forgive u!?!? Do you have family around or even close friends? It would almost seem like you would have very limited contact with anyone else in order for him to have gotten you to this level of confusion
I think you need to talk to someone get some therapy it might sound weird but it really helps to build your confidence up and get you a clear picture of what is happening to you. I also would be careful of std's if you do anything with your husband because who knows what these women could have if they are ok having a relationship with a MARRIED man! they proabably have a lot of older married friends. Before much longer if you stay in this he is going to have you so confused you just might think you are looing your mind! Trust me THIS is dangerous for your mental health.
I could not accept this but then again as lilliamy said whats acceptable to one person isn't to another. Honestly I know I have put up with things that I never would have thought I would. I think he has really messed with your head he sounds VERY manipulating and all the things he says about how could you question his love and not know how much he loves you?!?!? umm Pink that's him manipulating YOU he needs to make you feel guilty for EVEN thinking he would do something like that! if he can make You feel guilty and terribly ashamed of yourself for questioning him then guess what ? I bet you want do it again! if he can make you feel guilty enough you might even end up begging him to forgive u!?!? Do you have family around or even close friends? It would almost seem like you would have very limited contact with anyone else in order for him to have gotten you to this level of confusion
I think you need to talk to someone get some therapy it might sound weird but it really helps to build your confidence up and get you a clear picture of what is happening to you. I also would be careful of std's if you do anything with your husband because who knows what these women could have if they are ok having a relationship with a MARRIED man! they proabably have a lot of older married friends. Before much longer if you stay in this he is going to have you so confused you just might think you are looing your mind! Trust me THIS is dangerous for your mental health.
Bunnies!
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 1,905
If he's drinking, save your money and skip the marriage counseling. It's about as useful as brushing your teeth with Oreos. He's completely out of line and you deserve better. Let him go. It'll be the best favor you've ever done for yourself.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Originally Posted by pinkpeony 
Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend.
All of his behavior is completely inappropriate. Red flags all over the place.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
OOOh, I'd love to have a word with him.
yes, what Grits said.. save your money, and yes, you get to choose what YOU want to do. NOT him. What an absolute jerk.
he is counting on you being broken down enough to feel defeated. what a dodo.
yes, what Grits said.. save your money, and yes, you get to choose what YOU want to do. NOT him. What an absolute jerk.
he is counting on you being broken down enough to feel defeated. what a dodo.
Guest
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 2,281
Pink, beyond being completely unacceptable this also seems like emotional abuse. It's every bit as damaging as physical abuse, but can be much harder to recognize and see. What I once thought were normal relationship dynamics, really had quite a bit of emotional abuse involved.
I'd highly encourage dialing the number of your local abuse hotline or talking with someone at The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support 1-800-799-7233
They are there to listen, to put us in touch with resources, to be on our side. Someone here posted about their positive, safe experience with walking through the doors of their local center and that encouraged me to call. I never expected the tears I had, but there were so many emotions going on that I'd been burying for a very long time. That call was one of the healthiest steps I've taken for myself. To be accepted, heard and understood in ways that I didn't understand. Ours has weekly group meetings and also some individual sessions available.
They can also help in developing safety plans for you and your daughter, and, for when/if you are someday ready or have the need, plans for leaving.
It's okay to not have the answers. There is much support available. Sometimes it just requires persistence in looking for it.
There are worse things than being out on your own, with your daughter, with no money and no home of your own. Sometimes giving up what we're afraid to lose opens up many new possibilities!
I'd highly encourage dialing the number of your local abuse hotline or talking with someone at The National Domestic Violence Hotline | 24/7 Confidential Support 1-800-799-7233
They are there to listen, to put us in touch with resources, to be on our side. Someone here posted about their positive, safe experience with walking through the doors of their local center and that encouraged me to call. I never expected the tears I had, but there were so many emotions going on that I'd been burying for a very long time. That call was one of the healthiest steps I've taken for myself. To be accepted, heard and understood in ways that I didn't understand. Ours has weekly group meetings and also some individual sessions available.
They can also help in developing safety plans for you and your daughter, and, for when/if you are someday ready or have the need, plans for leaving.
It's okay to not have the answers. There is much support available. Sometimes it just requires persistence in looking for it.
There are worse things than being out on your own, with your daughter, with no money and no home of your own. Sometimes giving up what we're afraid to lose opens up many new possibilities!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Right here, right now!
Posts: 3,424
Hi pink-
It was my hubby's affair that FINALLY got me dealing with the elephant in the room, alcohol.
Though for a bit I thought recovery from the alcohol and the affair was different, I did finally realize that as long as I was working on recovery it helped with both.
I cannot decide for you if these relationships with these women are unacceptable and inappropriate. I can say that the secrets, the "quacking" about the relationships (yes quacking happens with more than just alcohol) and how horrible you are feeling in relationship to your relationship must be pretty hard. In inappropriate relationships quacking is often called gaslighting....because we are asked to believe things that are not true...and are berated if we do not.
So you have a plan in place started for removing yourself from the situation. Where are you with recovery from all of this (alcohol)? I found that though it was not designed to help me with affair recovery Al-Anon helped me with healing from the affair in addition to alcohol use in my relationship. It is cheap too. I also got a lot of support from individual counseling around both topics.
Good for you for stepping into how uncomfortable you feel. Regardless of what you decide good for you for getting yourself some help.
It was my hubby's affair that FINALLY got me dealing with the elephant in the room, alcohol.
Though for a bit I thought recovery from the alcohol and the affair was different, I did finally realize that as long as I was working on recovery it helped with both.
I cannot decide for you if these relationships with these women are unacceptable and inappropriate. I can say that the secrets, the "quacking" about the relationships (yes quacking happens with more than just alcohol) and how horrible you are feeling in relationship to your relationship must be pretty hard. In inappropriate relationships quacking is often called gaslighting....because we are asked to believe things that are not true...and are berated if we do not.
So you have a plan in place started for removing yourself from the situation. Where are you with recovery from all of this (alcohol)? I found that though it was not designed to help me with affair recovery Al-Anon helped me with healing from the affair in addition to alcohol use in my relationship. It is cheap too. I also got a lot of support from individual counseling around both topics.
Good for you for stepping into how uncomfortable you feel. Regardless of what you decide good for you for getting yourself some help.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
I'm sorry,I couldn't get past the sentence "He has a "thing" about being friends with other females.
Totally not okay,none of it is.
This is grounds for YOU leaving HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Totally not okay,none of it is.
This is grounds for YOU leaving HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
So, these are texts that I've found on my husbands phone.
He has a "thing" about being close friends with other females. It's been an issue in our marriage for years. These are the latest I've found, from a couple of months ago, after I found these, he is VERY careful to delete everything on his phone nightly. And he keeps his phone next to him at all times.
He was drunk and passed out and his phone was receiving texts at like 2am, so I looked. Found these....
The ones to/from Susan - he is VERY close to Susan. She was a bartender at a bar he started going to regularly a couple of years ago. Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend. VERY uncharacteristic of him to so that. He could never give me a specific reason why he went to such lengths.She's a musician also and will call him on the phone and sing him songs. He then posts to Facebook about how special it makes him feel to have someone call him and sing him songs on the phone. I'm pretty sure Susan knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. Susan moved out of state but they still talk daily, I am never allowed to hear the conversation.
Then there is Nicole. She, also, was a bartender at the same bar and one of Susan's best friends. Nicole is still local to us. I'm pretty sure most nights AH stops in and has a drink at the new place that she works just to see her. Nicole also knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. They also talk daily & are very close.
I know, from other things I read that they have both been advising AH to leave me for a long time. I'm sure he fills their heads with all sorts of stories.
Both of these girls are almost 1/2 my husband's age. Both are party girls.
When confronted and put on the spot, AH claims that he just normally feels closer to females as he was raised with 3 sisters. (who he is also very close to and who also all hate me - I've never found out why, in 20 years)
These aren't the only girls. When AH had a young girl working as secretary at the small company he worked for, I found emails from him that read "When I close my eyes and think about you, I smile" and some nonsense about her to imagine him as a stripper, and put $1 in his g-string....weird.
Another girl that has been an on-going issue, I've seen FB messages from him that say "Good morning sweetie, have a good day. I'll call you later" He also has been known to hang out at the bar/restaurant where she works.
These are only a few examples.
He SWEARS on his grandma's grave, swore on a bible too, that ALL of these girls have been platonic friendships. These girls are mostly all part of this large hippi-ish music loving social circle that all of his friends are in.
And yet. He "loves me more than any person in this world" "wouldn't be able to live without me" "his life would be nothing without me" "wouldn't want to live without me" and he asks me this all of the time, in an exasperated tone "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?!" "How could you ever question how much I love and want you?"
I don't go out with him anymore because he gets so embarrassingly drunk and it's just not my crowd, so he's always out partying with these girls (and more, his FB friends list is made up of mostly younger party girls) he goes alone to multi day music festivals and does 'shrooms and drinks and who knows what else around all of these girls.
Am I wrong to think this is 100% inappropriate for a married man? He's almost 47yo. These girls are 30yo tops. We have gone around and around this issue countless times.
Just last night he told me that he had a "side job" after work and he wouldn't be home until later. I tried to call him at around 6:30 (2 hours after he gets off at his regular job) and no answer of course.
I had insomnia really bad last night and looked at his phone. Apparently he was at her Nicole's apt around the time I tried to call him. There were texts about him ringing the bell first so as not to scare Nicole's room mate and then from him the next text was "thanks u r the best." And I checked his call log, of course, daily calls between him and Susan and him and Nicole.
And another text to some other girl with him asking her what days off she has this week.
Am I the paranoid one here? Because I'm tired of being called paranoid and insecure and him blaming my jealousy and paranoia on me.
To add to the fire. I have a facial deformity that affects the right side of my face and my front top teeth. Which only adds to me being insecure, seeing him so close to these young beautiful girls all of the time..........
He has a "thing" about being close friends with other females. It's been an issue in our marriage for years. These are the latest I've found, from a couple of months ago, after I found these, he is VERY careful to delete everything on his phone nightly. And he keeps his phone next to him at all times.
He was drunk and passed out and his phone was receiving texts at like 2am, so I looked. Found these....
The ones to/from Susan - he is VERY close to Susan. She was a bartender at a bar he started going to regularly a couple of years ago. Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend. VERY uncharacteristic of him to so that. He could never give me a specific reason why he went to such lengths.She's a musician also and will call him on the phone and sing him songs. He then posts to Facebook about how special it makes him feel to have someone call him and sing him songs on the phone. I'm pretty sure Susan knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. Susan moved out of state but they still talk daily, I am never allowed to hear the conversation.
Then there is Nicole. She, also, was a bartender at the same bar and one of Susan's best friends. Nicole is still local to us. I'm pretty sure most nights AH stops in and has a drink at the new place that she works just to see her. Nicole also knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. They also talk daily & are very close.
I know, from other things I read that they have both been advising AH to leave me for a long time. I'm sure he fills their heads with all sorts of stories.
Both of these girls are almost 1/2 my husband's age. Both are party girls.
When confronted and put on the spot, AH claims that he just normally feels closer to females as he was raised with 3 sisters. (who he is also very close to and who also all hate me - I've never found out why, in 20 years)
These aren't the only girls. When AH had a young girl working as secretary at the small company he worked for, I found emails from him that read "When I close my eyes and think about you, I smile" and some nonsense about her to imagine him as a stripper, and put $1 in his g-string....weird.
Another girl that has been an on-going issue, I've seen FB messages from him that say "Good morning sweetie, have a good day. I'll call you later" He also has been known to hang out at the bar/restaurant where she works.
These are only a few examples.
He SWEARS on his grandma's grave, swore on a bible too, that ALL of these girls have been platonic friendships. These girls are mostly all part of this large hippi-ish music loving social circle that all of his friends are in.
And yet. He "loves me more than any person in this world" "wouldn't be able to live without me" "his life would be nothing without me" "wouldn't want to live without me" and he asks me this all of the time, in an exasperated tone "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?!" "How could you ever question how much I love and want you?"
I don't go out with him anymore because he gets so embarrassingly drunk and it's just not my crowd, so he's always out partying with these girls (and more, his FB friends list is made up of mostly younger party girls) he goes alone to multi day music festivals and does 'shrooms and drinks and who knows what else around all of these girls.
Am I wrong to think this is 100% inappropriate for a married man? He's almost 47yo. These girls are 30yo tops. We have gone around and around this issue countless times.
Just last night he told me that he had a "side job" after work and he wouldn't be home until later. I tried to call him at around 6:30 (2 hours after he gets off at his regular job) and no answer of course.
I had insomnia really bad last night and looked at his phone. Apparently he was at her Nicole's apt around the time I tried to call him. There were texts about him ringing the bell first so as not to scare Nicole's room mate and then from him the next text was "thanks u r the best." And I checked his call log, of course, daily calls between him and Susan and him and Nicole.
And another text to some other girl with him asking her what days off she has this week.
Am I the paranoid one here? Because I'm tired of being called paranoid and insecure and him blaming my jealousy and paranoia on me.
To add to the fire. I have a facial deformity that affects the right side of my face and my front top teeth. Which only adds to me being insecure, seeing him so close to these young beautiful girls all of the time..........
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 1,826
Maybe look at it like this Is it okay with You???
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
So, these are texts that I've found on my husbands phone.
He has a "thing" about being close friends with other females. It's been an issue in our marriage for years. These are the latest I've found, from a couple of months ago, after I found these, he is VERY careful to delete everything on his phone nightly. And he keeps his phone next to him at all times.
He was drunk and passed out and his phone was receiving texts at like 2am, so I looked. Found these....
The ones to/from Susan - he is VERY close to Susan. She was a bartender at a bar he started going to regularly a couple of years ago. Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend. VERY uncharacteristic of him to so that. He could never give me a specific reason why he went to such lengths.She's a musician also and will call him on the phone and sing him songs. He then posts to Facebook about how special it makes him feel to have someone call him and sing him songs on the phone. I'm pretty sure Susan knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. Susan moved out of state but they still talk daily, I am never allowed to hear the conversation.
Then there is Nicole. She, also, was a bartender at the same bar and one of Susan's best friends. Nicole is still local to us. I'm pretty sure most nights AH stops in and has a drink at the new place that she works just to see her. Nicole also knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. They also talk daily & are very close.
I know, from other things I read that they have both been advising AH to leave me for a long time. I'm sure he fills their heads with all sorts of stories.
Both of these girls are almost 1/2 my husband's age. Both are party girls.
When confronted and put on the spot, AH claims that he just normally feels closer to females as he was raised with 3 sisters. (who he is also very close to and who also all hate me - I've never found out why, in 20 years)
These aren't the only girls. When AH had a young girl working as secretary at the small company he worked for, I found emails from him that read "When I close my eyes and think about you, I smile" and some nonsense about her to imagine him as a stripper, and put $1 in his g-string....weird.
Another girl that has been an on-going issue, I've seen FB messages from him that say "Good morning sweetie, have a good day. I'll call you later" He also has been known to hang out at the bar/restaurant where she works.
These are only a few examples.
He SWEARS on his grandma's grave, swore on a bible too, that ALL of these girls have been platonic friendships. These girls are mostly all part of this large hippi-ish music loving social circle that all of his friends are in.
And yet. He "loves me more than any person in this world" "wouldn't be able to live without me" "his life would be nothing without me" "wouldn't want to live without me" and he asks me this all of the time, in an exasperated tone "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?!" "How could you ever question how much I love and want you?"
I don't go out with him anymore because he gets so embarrassingly drunk and it's just not my crowd, so he's always out partying with these girls (and more, his FB friends list is made up of mostly younger party girls) he goes alone to multi day music festivals and does 'shrooms and drinks and who knows what else around all of these girls.
Am I wrong to think this is 100% inappropriate for a married man? He's almost 47yo. These girls are 30yo tops. We have gone around and around this issue countless times.
Just last night he told me that he had a "side job" after work and he wouldn't be home until later. I tried to call him at around 6:30 (2 hours after he gets off at his regular job) and no answer of course.
I had insomnia really bad last night and looked at his phone. Apparently he was at her Nicole's apt around the time I tried to call him. There were texts about him ringing the bell first so as not to scare Nicole's room mate and then from him the next text was "thanks u r the best." And I checked his call log, of course, daily calls between him and Susan and him and Nicole.
And another text to some other girl with him asking her what days off she has this week.
Am I the paranoid one here? Because I'm tired of being called paranoid and insecure and him blaming my jealousy and paranoia on me.
To add to the fire. I have a facial deformity that affects the right side of my face and my front top teeth. Which only adds to me being insecure, seeing him so close to these young beautiful girls all of the time..........
He has a "thing" about being close friends with other females. It's been an issue in our marriage for years. These are the latest I've found, from a couple of months ago, after I found these, he is VERY careful to delete everything on his phone nightly. And he keeps his phone next to him at all times.
He was drunk and passed out and his phone was receiving texts at like 2am, so I looked. Found these....
The ones to/from Susan - he is VERY close to Susan. She was a bartender at a bar he started going to regularly a couple of years ago. Last winter he drove an unregistered, uninsured car through a multi-state snow storm from KY to the mountains in NC, using all of the money we had at the time, to visit her for the weekend. VERY uncharacteristic of him to so that. He could never give me a specific reason why he went to such lengths.She's a musician also and will call him on the phone and sing him songs. He then posts to Facebook about how special it makes him feel to have someone call him and sing him songs on the phone. I'm pretty sure Susan knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. Susan moved out of state but they still talk daily, I am never allowed to hear the conversation.
Then there is Nicole. She, also, was a bartender at the same bar and one of Susan's best friends. Nicole is still local to us. I'm pretty sure most nights AH stops in and has a drink at the new place that she works just to see her. Nicole also knows more about my husband and marriage than I do at this point. They also talk daily & are very close.
I know, from other things I read that they have both been advising AH to leave me for a long time. I'm sure he fills their heads with all sorts of stories.
Both of these girls are almost 1/2 my husband's age. Both are party girls.
When confronted and put on the spot, AH claims that he just normally feels closer to females as he was raised with 3 sisters. (who he is also very close to and who also all hate me - I've never found out why, in 20 years)
These aren't the only girls. When AH had a young girl working as secretary at the small company he worked for, I found emails from him that read "When I close my eyes and think about you, I smile" and some nonsense about her to imagine him as a stripper, and put $1 in his g-string....weird.
Another girl that has been an on-going issue, I've seen FB messages from him that say "Good morning sweetie, have a good day. I'll call you later" He also has been known to hang out at the bar/restaurant where she works.
These are only a few examples.
He SWEARS on his grandma's grave, swore on a bible too, that ALL of these girls have been platonic friendships. These girls are mostly all part of this large hippi-ish music loving social circle that all of his friends are in.
And yet. He "loves me more than any person in this world" "wouldn't be able to live without me" "his life would be nothing without me" "wouldn't want to live without me" and he asks me this all of the time, in an exasperated tone "HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU?!" "How could you ever question how much I love and want you?"
I don't go out with him anymore because he gets so embarrassingly drunk and it's just not my crowd, so he's always out partying with these girls (and more, his FB friends list is made up of mostly younger party girls) he goes alone to multi day music festivals and does 'shrooms and drinks and who knows what else around all of these girls.
Am I wrong to think this is 100% inappropriate for a married man? He's almost 47yo. These girls are 30yo tops. We have gone around and around this issue countless times.
Just last night he told me that he had a "side job" after work and he wouldn't be home until later. I tried to call him at around 6:30 (2 hours after he gets off at his regular job) and no answer of course.
I had insomnia really bad last night and looked at his phone. Apparently he was at her Nicole's apt around the time I tried to call him. There were texts about him ringing the bell first so as not to scare Nicole's room mate and then from him the next text was "thanks u r the best." And I checked his call log, of course, daily calls between him and Susan and him and Nicole.
And another text to some other girl with him asking her what days off she has this week.
Am I the paranoid one here? Because I'm tired of being called paranoid and insecure and him blaming my jealousy and paranoia on me.
To add to the fire. I have a facial deformity that affects the right side of my face and my front top teeth. Which only adds to me being insecure, seeing him so close to these young beautiful girls all of the time..........
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
peony, you've heard from enough people to give you perspective on what this POS is doing to you. I don't believe for one second he's not physically involved, but on it's own emotional affairs are still cheating.
My post is to urge you make plans to leave quietly. Don't threaten him and give him a chance to make his own plans. Get as much info as you can, start saving money, and look into job prospects. Don't worry about your daughter, she's old enough to make her own decisions about where to go and I bet she's well aware of the situation. Make a to do list, and spend some time on the internet researching how to cut your expenses.
You know, for all his running around he's just a 47 year old guy pretending he's 20.
My post is to urge you make plans to leave quietly. Don't threaten him and give him a chance to make his own plans. Get as much info as you can, start saving money, and look into job prospects. Don't worry about your daughter, she's old enough to make her own decisions about where to go and I bet she's well aware of the situation. Make a to do list, and spend some time on the internet researching how to cut your expenses.
You know, for all his running around he's just a 47 year old guy pretending he's 20.
Guest
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 1,022
No, not acceptable at ALL IMO, but would I have enough strength to do something about it? I would LOVE to say yes, but I just don't know. While I'd like to say " get the hell out of there", I know it's not that easy. I get it pink, I really do. But I agree with everyone else that he is probably not being faithful, and even if he IS being faithful with his body, we ALL know he isn't in his heart.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Kentucky
Posts: 306
Thank you everyone. AH didn't pay the internet bill so no computer and it's difficult to respond on my phone which has a badly cracked screen.
There comes a time when so many lines have been crossed when you realize that in order to save yourself, you must leave. That time for me is now. It's hard to give up the dream, the fantasy of happily ever after. We got together when I was 23. I'm now 43. That's my whole adult life spent with AH. Hard to reconcile in my mind that the man I used to know is gone and the man I'm looking at right now is pretty much a stranger. I can never ever trust him again and if you don't have that, what do you have?
Hopefully by summer I'll be out and starting a new life. I'll be 43yo, my kids will all be off in their own lives and I will be alone to start a new life. It's both terrifying and exciting to think about. I always wanted to live near the ocean. Thinking about SC or south Florida on the gulf side. I'm grateful for SR and all of you.
There comes a time when so many lines have been crossed when you realize that in order to save yourself, you must leave. That time for me is now. It's hard to give up the dream, the fantasy of happily ever after. We got together when I was 23. I'm now 43. That's my whole adult life spent with AH. Hard to reconcile in my mind that the man I used to know is gone and the man I'm looking at right now is pretty much a stranger. I can never ever trust him again and if you don't have that, what do you have?
Hopefully by summer I'll be out and starting a new life. I'll be 43yo, my kids will all be off in their own lives and I will be alone to start a new life. It's both terrifying and exciting to think about. I always wanted to live near the ocean. Thinking about SC or south Florida on the gulf side. I'm grateful for SR and all of you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 5,700
I've weighed in here before so there's no reason to repeat. This to write that I can't imagine what you're going through, but I absolutely your strength and resolve to better your life. You deserve better.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Originally Posted by redatlanta
If that was my husband….he would have returned with his sh!t burned and the locks changed. I am not kidding.
All of his behavior is completely inappropriate. Red flags all over the place.
All of his behavior is completely inappropriate. Red flags all over the place.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Pink I have read this thread and agree with what has been said. I would like to add a different angle.
YOU will be fine, and learn to enjoy your new life. However, your husband is making a big ASS of himself, with his "persona" of being close to young women gone, he is just another struggling man in a mid life crisis, trying to prove his manhood with 30 year olds, he is almost 50....he is late in the game for what they want, broke, bad credit and soon will have no wifey at home to prop him up.
He wont be much fun when he has to fend for himself, pay the bills, buy food, pay the utilities, fix his own meals, clean and do his own laundry. I sincerely doubt your child will pick up the slack if she sees him for what he truly is. He can't pay the internet bill?
what an idiot.
that being said, many years of marriage entitles you to child support, depending on how the attorney pursues it. support does NOT have to end at 18, it can go to emancipation, like when she is done with school. Get some legal advice and get some $$ in place for him to pay the bills starting now.
YOU will be fine, and learn to enjoy your new life. However, your husband is making a big ASS of himself, with his "persona" of being close to young women gone, he is just another struggling man in a mid life crisis, trying to prove his manhood with 30 year olds, he is almost 50....he is late in the game for what they want, broke, bad credit and soon will have no wifey at home to prop him up.
He wont be much fun when he has to fend for himself, pay the bills, buy food, pay the utilities, fix his own meals, clean and do his own laundry. I sincerely doubt your child will pick up the slack if she sees him for what he truly is. He can't pay the internet bill?
what an idiot.
that being said, many years of marriage entitles you to child support, depending on how the attorney pursues it. support does NOT have to end at 18, it can go to emancipation, like when she is done with school. Get some legal advice and get some $$ in place for him to pay the bills starting now.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: UK
Posts: 2,937
Originally Posted by pinkpeony
Thank you everyone. AH didn't pay the internet bill so no computer and it's difficult to respond on my phone which has a badly cracked screen.
There comes a time when so many lines have been crossed when you realize that in order to save yourself, you must leave. That time for me is now. It's hard to give up the dream, the fantasy of happily ever after. We got together when I was 23. I'm now 43. That's my whole adult life spent with AH. Hard to reconcile in my mind that the man I used to know is gone and the man I'm looking at right now is pretty much a stranger. I can never ever trust him again and if you don't have that, what do you have?
Hopefully by summer I'll be out and starting a new life. I'll be 43yo, my kids will all be off in their own lives and I will be alone to start a new life. It's both terrifying and exciting to think about. I always wanted to live near the ocean. Thinking about SC or south Florida on the gulf side. I'm grateful for SR and all of you.
There comes a time when so many lines have been crossed when you realize that in order to save yourself, you must leave. That time for me is now. It's hard to give up the dream, the fantasy of happily ever after. We got together when I was 23. I'm now 43. That's my whole adult life spent with AH. Hard to reconcile in my mind that the man I used to know is gone and the man I'm looking at right now is pretty much a stranger. I can never ever trust him again and if you don't have that, what do you have?
Hopefully by summer I'll be out and starting a new life. I'll be 43yo, my kids will all be off in their own lives and I will be alone to start a new life. It's both terrifying and exciting to think about. I always wanted to live near the ocean. Thinking about SC or south Florida on the gulf side. I'm grateful for SR and all of you.
Do it Pink! Do it!
I'm 41. 42 this year. I have a 5 year old. No family near. I'm single.
I work full time. My daughter refuses to stay with her Dad. Some days I am so tired I could cry. I can't even imagine having a new relationship. My hair always needs washing. I look like a mad man has taken over my wardrobe and hands me his demented choice of outfit everyday with some of the clothes I wear!
I have to live near her school.
I have to work full time to afford life.
I have to get up and do the school run every flaming morning.
My goodness - you could have an amazing life.
You could get a place you love.
A little place that does not need much upkeep if you wanted.
Your kids come stay when they wanted.
It could be all yours.
You could live somewhere with lots to do - coffee shops, restaurants, where you could join groups and make new friends.
It might be like being on vacation all the time!
You deserve so much better than him, his drinking and his silly women!
Leave him to it and start living for you!
I wish you the best xx
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