In any way, would this be acceptable?

Old 01-21-2015, 02:39 PM
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pinkpeony

As a married man I don't find this acceptable

I have friends whom are women but by no means would I find even tasteful flirting (via text, phone or in person) acceptable in the least. Such communication is not mature at all. Period

If he has a drinking problem he should address it and avoid situations, such as bars and younger "party girls", completely. A woman (or man for that matter) who doesn't respect the married, private life you and your husband share, are not worth the time anyway

I wish you well and hope he ceases to communicate with these women immediately
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Old 01-21-2015, 02:42 PM
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Hey pink, I think you can hit edit and remove any verbatim text.
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Old 01-21-2015, 02:43 PM
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Look up gaslighting. In no way is this acceptable. It's exactly what it seems to be and what matters is that you don't agree with it. Time to decide what's best for you,
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Old 01-21-2015, 02:55 PM
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today. today if I had the resources, I'd be gone for good. no looking back. If I could I'd pack up and leave tonight. But that's not possible/realistic.
So I'm just lingering here in this marriage where we either are not speaking or he wants to play the part of the loving husband and have s*x and pretend like everything's great.

and then I think, what if, what if I *am* just being insecure and paranoid and those are just really good platonic friendships (with alcholic/drug using young girls.....ugh. I'm pathetic)
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Old 01-21-2015, 02:57 PM
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Ok pink, so what plans can you make to get yourself where you need to be to get out?? Make lists, call people, do things. It will help you feel in charge of yourself.

XXX
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:02 PM
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My wife would kick me out the door so fast and so hard it would take a proctalogist to get her boot out of my butt
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:05 PM
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Originally Posted by pinkpeony View Post
yes, thanks, greeteachday for being a pain!
LOL! oh my what a day. This is supposed to say:

yes, thanks, greeteachday. sorry for being such a pain!
is it bedtime yet?
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:08 PM
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hopeful, I am very slowly making plans, its going to be months before I can leave though, hopefully this summer!

As uncomfortable as it is, I'm going to start sleeping on the couch from now on. I can't trust him to stay on the couch which is where he started the month, but now he's back in our bed and getting frisky every night. He has no clue as to why I have no desire to be intimate with him. I don't get that he doesn't get it.


Can you all believe that I am psychiatric nurse and the person everyone comes to for advice and yet I can't take any of my own advice?
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:10 PM
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Can you all believe that I am psychiatric nurse and the person everyone comes to for advice and I can't take any of my own advice?
Absolutely. One of my best friends is a psychotherapist and her husband hasn't come out of the basement for a couple of years. It's hard to apply what you know professionally to yourself and your family. On the other hand, going through this will give you a whole new appreciation of what your patients and their families might be going through. (((hugs)))
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:24 PM
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I know for me in the past when I had become consumed with confusion, confusion equaled me not accepting reality and remaining in that hoping, wishing, what if state of denial because the reality was not something I was ready to fully handle.

Now is the time to fully focus on the resources you will need in order to get out and begin working on that plan. Summer is a long way off many more months of hurt and pain for you to deal with, not good.

If the resources needed are money I'd be thinking of family and friends who may be able to afford you a loan.
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:28 PM
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I didn't see the screenshots, but your description of what's going on is enough. If you have to ask yourself (and others) if this kind of thing is okay, perhaps try to imagine a friend or sister was asking you the same thing - her husband is texting/emailing/calling girls, hiding it, becoming defensive, protesting loudly that she is more than enough for him ... what do you tell your friend?

It's possible that he honestly can't see a problem with his behaviour, and maybe - just maybe - it really is as innocent as he says. But it's a problem for you, which makes it a real problem regardless. Take care of yourself (and, I hate to bring this up, but perhaps a test or two at the doctor's? Just to be sure he's not been bringing anything home that he shouldn't?)
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:30 PM
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Originally Posted by atalose View Post
I know for me in the past when I had become consumed with confusion, confusion equaled me not accepting reality and remaining in that hoping, wishing, what if state of denial because the reality was not something I was ready to fully handle.

Now is the time to fully focus on the resources you will need in order to get out and begin working on that plan. Summer is a long way off many more months of hurt and pain for you to deal with, not good.

If the resources needed are money I'd be thinking of family and friends who may be able to afford you a loan.
Thanks.
Yes, the resources needed are: 1.) working car 2.) job 3.) enough money to get a place and start on my own.
Which is why summer is my goal.... for now I'm sorta stuck out here in the country in a small town. No family or friends nearby.

My family doesn't loan money, they are aware of the problems, but they don't loan or give money to help even though my brothers are both pretty well off. They just mostly judge me.
It just stinks wanting to leave, I'd even say needing to leave (as most days I start to have a panic attack when he comes home,) and not be able to right now.
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:33 PM
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Oh Pink I just want to say you are beautiful inside and out no matter what. But something made my hinky meter go off... How is his financial independence from you? Would there be any reason for him to want to have his cake and eat it too? I find his relationships with the Bambi's very disrespectful no matter how "innocent" they might be.
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:36 PM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
Oh Pink I just want to say you are beautiful inside and out no matter what. But something made my hinky meter go off... How is his financial independence from you? Would there be any reason for him to want to have his cake and eat it too? I find his relationships with the Bambi's very disrespectful no matter how "innocent" they might be.
I'm not sure what you mean, but financially we are broke, paycheck to paycheck....no saving, bad credit, nothing.
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:40 PM
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Originally Posted by pinkpeony View Post
I'm not sure what you mean, but financially we are broke, paycheck to paycheck....no saving, bad credit, nothing.
Ok. I was just wondering if he had to depend on you financially to get by while living his own dream life at the expense of you. (((HUGS)))
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:41 PM
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Originally Posted by Refiner View Post
Ok. I was just wondering if he had to depend on you financially to get by while living his own dream life at the expense of you. (((HUGS)))

Oh! Ha, no way.

Right now I'm totally financially dependent on him
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Old 01-21-2015, 03:43 PM
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Hi pink, sorry you are going through this pain because that is what it is. I had/am having similar situation with my by now nearly exaw. I knew deep down what was going on but like you touched on, she turned it around for years saying I had control problems and i was ruining our marrage and this really effected my self esteem. It allowed it to get worse and she pushed my boundaries even more which caused me even more pain and frustration which I believed was my fault because of my "control issues".

This behavoir is so wrong and I know how painfull it is for you. I hope you can get the courage to change your situation. Life is too short to allow someone else to make it sad for you.
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Old 01-21-2015, 04:16 PM
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Been through the EXACT thing. Oh well I work with this one. I have to talk to him at all hours of the night. Oh. He was just a friend of my best friend. Oh...that was an old boyfriend that can't get over me.

The weekend she spends with me in a romantic hotel...she is texting, I haven't been able to see you for 15 hours and its torture.

I could care less if alcohol caused this. It is unacceptable.....no matter what.

Oh and it was MY FAULT I found out. Had I not invaded her privacy none of this would need to be discussed.
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Old 01-21-2015, 04:20 PM
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I would smash his phone. No way I wouk be long gone.
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Old 01-21-2015, 04:45 PM
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Its not fair getting treated like this you deserve better
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