Clee0308

Hi everyone. Just my first post. Little background first - have been with husband for 24 yr. he has two kids 39&40. We have one grand daughter who is 14.. Have always had a rocky relationship with kids. Was good when they wanted something but other than that they couldn't have a relationship with me mad their mom. Hubby decided on his own July 27 he needed help. I found a place to take him. He was there within hours. This was his choice only and blindsided me completely. ( not that he needed help that he wanted it). Well his kids for whatever reason have now decided that I am not "family". Daughter gets granddaughter to contact him thinking he will not refuse her anything. He has been sober since July 28 and d has contacted him once. That was at rehab when she got in trouble for showing up unannounced and not on visitor list. She has problem with boundaries in a serious way. Now she is getting grand d to text for him to go to an event that I am not invited to.. Not enough tickets... He is struggling with this. I have codependent issues and am working on them at alanon. I worry about these events and the effect on him. Also it hurts me every time this happens. Sorry this is so long. Just confused.

walkinganewpath

Hi Clee. Just sending some ((hugs)) and I am certain that there will be someone along shortly with more experience than me. In the meantime check out the stickies at the top of the page. Glad that you are giving Al-anon a try - it's helped me and a lot of others here as well.

Welcome and keep reading and posting.

FireSprite

Welcome to SR! I can't speak form experience in this situation, but I can recognize that it sounds like incredibly hurtful behavior. I'm glad to hear that you are attending Al-Anon, I hope you get support there & in other areas of your life.

I think it's awesome that your RAH reached out for help & is sticking to sobriety, I hope you stick around here & keep posting too!

NerdlyBeauty

Welcome, Clee!!!!! I just want to say, in my experience...the one who shines a light on the truth the most is usually the one who gets ALL the blame. I am in a similar situation with my AXBF, whom I share a son with. His entire family hates me and blames me for everything. It hurts like hell...

This forum has helped me tremendously. I wish the same for you

lillamy

Welcome --
I'm glad your husband decided he needed help, and good for him for staying sober since July!

Blended families can be messy, especially when you add in addictions. Does your husband feel an obligation to attend this event? Or is he just so happy to have contact with the kids that he'll do anything to get to be around them?

Are you concerned that attending the event may affect his sobriety? If so... that's the tricky part, not getting in the way of a recovering addict's recovery.

The RAs I know have started out after rehab limiting their world quite a bit -- close family, work, AA-meetings. And then as they've felt stronger in their recovery, they've expanded to include events and gatherings that may be challenging and triggering to them.

Has your husband talked to his sponsor about this?

hopeful4

Hello and welcome, so glad you are here!

This sounds hurtful for you and your husband. However, there are some things that you just cannot control. I am glad you are attending Alanon!

Congratulations to your husband for his continued sobriety, that is wonderful. That needs to stay his main focus.

Keep posting, keep reading, there is lots of great support here!

Clee0308

He is anxious to see his grand daughter not so much his kids. He recognizes their behaviour and his son is an alcoholic. His d hangs his grand d out as a carrot - she is the prize. I am not worried about his sobriety he seems to have a handle so far. I just have trouble detaching when I was the one there for everyone - codependent - and am no not good enough for any of them. Although my money is. I really resent that....