DEC1

OK, so I did the right thing in not letting my 18 yr. old dtr. back in the house. Even though she's not drinking (so she says, but who really knows), the manipulating behavior continued. She was going to out patient rehab., and AA meetings. She asked her Dad to drive her over to her boyfriends house so his parents could take them to an AA meeting, dinner, and then they would drop her home. At 12:30 at night, she called me (woke me up), and said they had come back to his house after dinner, watched a movie, and then fell asleep. She wanted to know if she could spend the night, or if she should take a cab home. We told her it was inappropriate to spend the night, and her Dad would come pick her up. Well, she didn't want that, so then we told her to take a cab. Well, she didn't want that either. She said she was staying. I told her no, but she said she was going to do it anyway. Well, at 7:00 am the next morning, I called his house and got his Mom. I asked her if she had taken the kids to an AA meeting and then dinner. She said no. I asked her if she knew my daughter was at her house right now. She said no. I told her she was only 18, and still in HS(her son is 22). She said she was told she was 19 and had graduated. I then asked to talk to my dtr. She put my dtr. on the phone, and I told her she was back to her old habits, and that unless she was willing to change her behavior, she couldn't come home. She said she was not willing to change at this time. So I said fine, let me know when you want to come by and pack up your stuff. She came by and packed her stuff and I haven't seen her since (1 week). She did call on Thurs. night, because her younger brothers birthday party was Friday. She said she would be there, I said fine. She didn't show. Then she called me again on Fri. and said she would be by tomorrow to wish him a Happy Birthday - she never showed. Today is Easter, and for the first time we went to Easter Service without her. I thought she might show up sometime today, but of course she never did. I know I'm doing the right thing, but why does it still hurt so much?

ScaredInIdaho

I wish that I had some great words of comfort for you, but I don't. It would be so great if the addicts in our lives could see exactly what they are doing to themselves and the ones they love. However, they simply can't. I have more respect for you than you can know. I know that what you are doing is so difficult. There are many of us who haven't been able to take that stand yet. You give us hope that we too will be that strong one day. My thoughts and prayers will be with you in hopes that your daughter sees how wrong her choices are and will mend her ways quickly! For now stay strong it will pay off in the end I'm sure.

Happy Easter!!

smoke gets in my eyes

Hi Dec1 ....

You're not doing anything wrong. Of course you greive when you have to be this tough on the child that you love. The natural inclination is to "take care". Just keep reminding yourself that you are taking better care of her with your refusal to enable her than you would be if you made her life easier... thereby making it easier for her to use.

Hang in there!
Hugs,
Smoke

Debbie

Hi DEC1

I don't have any words of wisdom for you either but I wanted to give you a hug.

**************{DEC1}}}}}}}

I hope things get better for you.

Take care.
Many hugs
Debbie

Morning Glory

I'm hurting right along with you. It has been a week for me too. I've done this before with my son, but I've never been this tough. I was sitting here this week wishing that I had been this tough when he was 18. Maybe his alcoholism wouldn't have progressed this far if he had faced total consequences for his choices sooner. I was always there to rescue him right before he hit bottom. It really hurts to see your child suffer and refuse to help themselves. Especially when you know you could offer temporary relief. If it helps, my daughter was also an alcoholic. She had her first child and stopped drinking cold turkey because she wanted the best for her child. She has not had a drink for 7 years. She never went to AA or any other program. There are some happy endings.

Morning Glory



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The Higher The Fewer!

DEC1

Here's an update. She did show up for about 5 minutes about 6:30 pm Sunday night. She was with someone I don't know, and I think they were on their way to a party. She says she has found a place to live, and she is starting a job tomorrow. She also says she is planning on finishing HS. But, like I've said before, she says lots of things, is just hardly any of them are ever true! She said she has drank a couple of beers over the past week, but that is all. She came by to wish her brother a belated birthday, (said she didn't have a ride before), and to wish us a Happy Easter. We told her thanks for stopping by, we love her, and Happy Easter back. Then she left to go somewhere with her friends. This make me feel even better that we made the right decision on not letting her live her anymore. She would have done the same activities, only made up a bunch of lies to do it. I'm not sure how long she will be able to last on her friends charity, and she still has not dealt with the upcoming court thing (she has to pay $1500. bail money, or they will put out a warrant for her arrest). But I told her I was sure she would be able to figure it out. So, for now she is safe, still not willing to change her behavior, and out on her own. Please pray for her.
Thanks!

jackoliver

I congratulate you for having the courage to do the right thing with your daugther. I wish I could do the same thing with my son but he is 17 and I believe it is against the law to throw him out of the house.

I live in California. Is it true tha I can not throw him out until he is 18?

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Jack
"REALITY" is an interpretation"

[This message has been edited by jackoliver (edited April 01, 2002).]

[This message has been edited by jackoliver (edited April 01, 2002).]

Morning Glory

You can go to court and have him emancipated or you can try to make him an award of the court. I'm not sure how you go about doing these things, but I know others who have.There are also other programs available where they can stay and finish school. I'm not sure the names of the programs though.

Sorry,not much help,
Morning Glory

DEC1

Jack,
I also live in CA (Orange County). You know what the peer pressure is like down here. I sometimes wish my daughter was still 17, then we could have legal control over her. I would put her in a rehab. unit where they lock the doors, or maybe a wilderness type trip where they only get so much stuff and the rest they have to find on their own. I know these programs can cost approx. $12,000., but I think it would be worth it. We didn't know about her drinking until after she turned 18. Go to the web and search for adolescent programs, there are tons of them. When does your son turn 18?
((((((((hugs to Jack))))))))))))))
Dee