want help

I am currently in a relationship with a alcohol and crack addict. We have been dating for about 6 months, I did not know the extent of the addiction until my feelings were already involved. He recently stole my car and traded it for crack, I did not hear from him or get my car back for 4 days. He is now in rehab and almost finished with the 28 day program. I have never been around an addict or recovering addict. I have tried to support him the best I can but I am scared as to what is going to happen when he gets out. I want him to understand that I am not going to go though what I have gone through again, but I also do no want to turn my back on him. Please help me with any advice you can give me on dealing with him when he gets out.

Hgrokit

Tell him what you just told us. Plain and simple. Never sugar coat and never make excuses. Ask yourself one question though - you only have six months invested - are you ready for the roller coaster ride that is about to happen? Ok, two questions - what about your drinking and drugging? You willing to put that aside?

When I got out of rehab, my wife at the time flat out told me she did not think she could make the necessary life style changes to support my recovery efforts. Although that hurt like hell, it was very clear and understandable. 4 days later I left and have never looked back. That was 20 months ago.

Gabe

Hey want help,
Welcome to Sober Recovery. Glad you found us. His recovery is in his hands. You can certainly offer him words of support and encouragement, but the rest is up to him. You sound pretty clear on what you want and don't want. From here, you just take things 24 hours at a time.
There are a lot of people here who understand what you're going through. Make yourself comfortable and stick around.
Gabe

givingup

Dear Friend -I really am in no position to give you advice. I struggle day to day, hour to hour with my feelings and my relationship. But I do know this for sure - if I would have known 6 months into my relationship with AH what I was in for during the next 10 years, I would have bailed. At this point, you can still walk away. You may love him, but you have to love yourself more. He will always find someone to take care of him. Addicts are really good at that. But you have to be there for you first.

What I am finding out is that asking the right questions is essential to growth. Its not how could he do this to me, but why do I allow this to be a part of my life?
Why are we attracted to men with deep psychological problems? What do we get out of it? Why do we accept this as love?

Someone much wiser than me will respond to your message of help soon. Just know that you are held in a circle of support and love by so many here at SR.

sunshine???

Hi...when i met my bf he said he had just come out of treatment and was happily sober. We had the best 3 months of our relationship. I couldn't have asked for anything more in my life. Now its approx 7 months later and i am depressed and crying everyday. Long story short...i also let him know that if he returned to his old ways (drinking etc...) that i could not and would not by any means put up with it. By the time he did start drinking again i was sucked in and it was too late for me. I fell in love with who i thought he was and held on for dear life that my "sober" bf would returm and our great relationship would be saved. This did not happen. I supported him 100% no matter what he did. Instead of getting better...things got worse...he ended up betraying and lying to me in ways i never thought he would. This has been a very bad experience for me and i would never wish it upon anyone. If you really believe that you can walk away if things get out of control again then i say go for it...But if deep down you know that you will get caught up in "the life" than get away now...be honest with yourself. I am hurting everyday from something i could have walked away from. I knew deep down but i didn't listen to that little voice of mine and that gut feeling that told me to run fast. Nobody can tell you what to do and many situations are different. But as i read the posts on this site i see alot of simalarities...and alot of pain. I wish you luck and strength with your relationship and what you choose to do.

Magichappens

Hey want help,
Reaching out is a good first step to taking care of yourself. If you are looking for help dealing with loving an alcoholic/addict this is a good place to start. There are face to face Al-Anon meetings that you can attend. There is Al-Anon literature that you can get. There is a network of people who have gone through similar situations, and have learned to deal with them serenely and sanely. Welcome, hope you stick around. Be sure to check out the powerposts at the top of the forum. There is a lot of good information there. Hugs, Magic

redrose0729

I understand what you are going through my bf is on that and more. I guess the best piece of advice I can offer you if you choose to stay in the relationship is never loose focus on yourself and your needs that is first your self respect is very important. If he messes up let him suffer the consequenses of his actions and deal with them himself. Part of life is about chioces we make and we have to live with them if someone makes bad chioces and does not have to deal with the consequences of their actions then more likely than not they will repeat the same choice over agian. I can't tell you to stay with him or not that decision is up to you, you have to do what you feel is best for you. It may be wise for you to think of the boundries for you , what you can accept from him and not accept and if he crosses your boundries then he needs to have to deal with the consequences of them. That it is not to punish him but it is stating what you need and can accept. Good Luck and best wishes.