freetosmile

So AH apologized for his outburst and the rest of the ride was relatively peaceful.

Today is the honeymoon type stuff. All kisses and hugs. The "your so beautiful, I adore you, I'm so glad to be home," talk.

He asked if he could come to an Alanon meeting with me and if I would like to go to an open AA meeting with him.

He had lots of stories about rehab and all that stuff.

I'm kind of .....scared. Scared of what I'm not sure.

I feel like I should enjoy the good times while I have them (?)

I feel like I should be preparing for the emotional berating again (?)

I'll admit, the sex has been great.....I forgot what it was like to have sex with someone sober... HA HA!!!! It didn't take 5 hours for once..he he...and he was "awake" for the whole thing...HA HA!!

What should I be doing? Should I enjoy this? Should I prepare? I mean, yesterday was initially a disaster..but he did apologize. But he also brought up divorce and how I don't respect him and yada yada.....so I don't know if he just restrained himself so that he could secure himself his "back from treatment sex".....any thoughts on this?

dandylion

freetosmile...TMI.

I tend to agree.."honeymoon" period. I think your instincts are correct.

Just take it as it comes. As long as you are still "locked and loaded"...LOL!

At least, you made the trip without any "serious" incident. good for you.

dandylion

Hawkeye13

you don't respect him? Talk about transference. . .

respect is a two way street in a good marriage.
Haven't seen much respect or trust for you so far from him.

I'm glad you are home safe, and I'm with dandy on this, stay locked and loaded

freetosmile

TMI, totally agree...but OTOH, sex has always been a control thing for him...and it's always been a BIG part of our marriage, for good and for bad. So TMI or not...it's very relevant. Especially when I feel like he might be telling me things just to get it.

But your right, I probably could have left out the details...but from MY perspective, I've been having sex with a drunk person for the past two years. So this is a "current and new event for me"

Hawkeye13

Just because his winkie is working don't mean hiz brain iz

Know what I mean?

headcase1

On New Years day I was the guy just home from the hospital. Yes, it's a honeymoon period.For me it was sensory overload too! When you are in a lock down ward you dream of all the stuff you can't do.Thankfully 19 days later I'm still feeling like a honeymooner.My hospital stay was life changing but I want to always be with my family,they are my motivation to stay sober.Hope your husband is in it for the long haul.

dandylion

freetosmile...not to worry. I get the importance to you.
It is just that the imagery is hard to wash out of my head....lol!

Yes, sober sex can be great. So can good sober and respectful treatment. The sex can only mean something IF both are present. (I think you are sensing this, though).

I understand. Honest, I do.

dandylion

FireSprite

I think the best phrase is; Prepare for the worst & hope for the best.

Good luck, Free. Keep watching actions, keep working on YOU.

knowthetriggers

Just keep on keeping on and take care of YOU!

freetosmile

Absolutely....

I read an article about abuse. I thought it was interesting and certainly a new concept for me. It said you SHOULD enjoy the good times that are there. Even if you have your doubts about motive...just to enjoy it. Just don't take it seriously, is what it said. (like that they've turned over a leaf or something).

I think I will remain "locked and loaded". But I'm a 32 year old woman still relatively in my prime. This stuff IS important to me and I while his brain may not be functioning, and while he railed on me yesterday, I'm simply going to remain aware, but enjoy the fact that my physical needs as a human being are met and met far better sober than drunk.

Does that make sense?

I really think I answered my own question but Dandy really helped reaffirm that yes, I need to be ready. I intend to do that.

Katchie

I'm glad there have been some good things come from your nervous trip to pick him up. Just don't forget the you that you've found, that wonderful spunky independent person you started to become, the one that has always been there but has been shoved down. Keep her while you enjoy what can be enjoyed and continue nurturing that person emerging.
I agree with the above posters and I'm really glad things are good right now and pray that trend continues.

Hawkeye13

It does make sense.

Take care and enjoy yourself free

We're here if you need us

NWGRITS

So many give in when good sex gets involved. Stay on alert and don't let this cloud your thinking.

Stung

Yeah, I definitely experienced the honeymoon period when my husband came home from rehab too. He eventually relapsed again a little over a month out of rehab though, which sucked but the silver lining was that I had continued working my program and even though he relapsed and drank again, I did not relapse and freak out on him because of it. There was no drama when I enforced my boundaries and further, I was able to put myself and my children in a good position whether he was drinking or not. I felt like I really understood at that point that sobriety wasn't a straight line and that rehab wasn't a cure all, so I had the right expectations that there was a still a VERY high chance that he would drink again sooner or later. I hope that isn't the case for your husband though. Treatment success varies greatly from one addict to another.

freetosmile

Thanks stung. Right now I'm actually more worried about abuse than I am the drinking. The abuse was always there, whereas the drinking just escalated the abuse.

hopeful4

Free, I do agree with you that you need to enjoy your life, regardless. As it was said, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. I feel I wasted a big part of my life in anxiety and worry over my XAH. Things I could not control.

I too am worried about the abuse. I think that he has an abusive personality and I also think he will only be able to hide that for so long. Please stay safe and sound my friend.

XXX

Katchie

Is everything OK this morning? Seeing warning signs? Is there a way you can read what's going on and prepare to leave before an escalated event? Hugs

Katchie

My eldest adopted son can be abusive. He isnt an addict. But I can tell when things are about to go sour. It's like reading a book watching his actions/behaviors. They are big clues a tornado is about to hit and I need to move so I don't get hurt.
just saying to be careful and I hope there are signs that help you be more aware, tho this is no way to live.

dandylion

Katchie...I don't really want to hijack this thread...but, we are talking about abuse.
Have you ever thought about a residential school for y our son..one which addresses their behavioral needs, also? While he is still young enough.
this must be a private hell that you live through.
You have mentioned it several times...so, I know it is bothering you.

dandylion

Katchie

I have. Almost sent him to one a couple of years ago but took him to Brain Balance after a psychologist said there was nothing that could be done for kids like him. The doc said he is the type that fills prisons. He hasn't reasoning abilities and zero common sense as well as a host of other issues. Brain balance helped tremendously but if I'm not monitoring what he eats 24/7 he binges on junk that sets him back. He is now 18. I held him back a year a long time ago so he doesn't "graduate" until next year. After that, he will leave. However, if something happens before that time I will kick him out. So far things are OK so long as I ignore everything he says by just not engaging and keeping the chat simple.