Drinking around recovering alcoholic
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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Drinking around recovering alcoholic
My best friend, "Zoe" and I are going on a cruise to celebrate our graduation from grad school. I am so excited to plan for the trip and so excited to see my friend. One problem… In the few years since college, Zoe admitted to being an alcoholic and went through rehab and treatment. She has since been sober and has asked that I remain sober for the duration of the trip as she feels tempted by alcohol and cravings. I love my friend and am proud of her for having the courage to work though her addiction however I would like to be able to have a glass of wine at dinner and responsibly enjoy alcohol while on the cruise ship. Is it a fair request for her to ask that I remain sober while on the ship with her? What do you suggest I do?
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
Posts: 7,764
I am a RA myself and I have no problem being around friends who are social drinkers and most of my friends are (I avoid drunken idiots though).
If you are going on a cruise, they do have AA meetings on cruise ships. It should come up as an announcement for: Friends of Bill W.
She might not be aware of it so mention it to her.
She will be able to connect with other RAs on board and if she feels like she is struggling or you want to enjoy your cocktails, she will have new acquaintances she can spend some time with.
I don't think it is fair of her to expect you to abstain and I feel it is a little strange that someone with a couple of years under her belt would have issues with others drinking.
If you are going on a cruise, they do have AA meetings on cruise ships. It should come up as an announcement for: Friends of Bill W.
She might not be aware of it so mention it to her.
She will be able to connect with other RAs on board and if she feels like she is struggling or you want to enjoy your cocktails, she will have new acquaintances she can spend some time with.
I don't think it is fair of her to expect you to abstain and I feel it is a little strange that someone with a couple of years under her belt would have issues with others drinking.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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I just wanted to add that I feel she is a bit immature and/or controlling. I would NEVER expect my friends to abstain from a few drinks on my behalf. If I was bothered, I would put my big girls panties on and would find something else to do. I am an independent woman and I am not joined at the hip with anyone.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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shootingstar.....I think that it is a little unrealistic of her, also. If she is that worried about the triggers, at this stage, it seems really foolish, to me, for her to go on a cruise, in the first place. Cruises are all about food and liquor.
Of course, you don't have to go all John barleycorn in the cabin at night or get all in her face with liquor. but, to suggest that you go totally sober on the complete trip seems a little self-centered.
At least, this is my take on it...
dandylion
Of course, you don't have to go all John barleycorn in the cabin at night or get all in her face with liquor. but, to suggest that you go totally sober on the complete trip seems a little self-centered.
At least, this is my take on it...
dandylion
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,544
Shootings,
We ( as an alcoholic ) can only take charge of ourselves. My rules do not apply to you, nor yours mine.
It's your choice.
My best friend would not drink, because she is thinking of me. But I would not expect her not to drink. I've known her for all 49 years of my life, we make each others lives a bit easier any way we can. That's why she my best friend.
We ( as an alcoholic ) can only take charge of ourselves. My rules do not apply to you, nor yours mine.
It's your choice.
My best friend would not drink, because she is thinking of me. But I would not expect her not to drink. I've known her for all 49 years of my life, we make each others lives a bit easier any way we can. That's why she my best friend.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 5
Thank you for your suggestions. I am not planning to wave liquor in her face or anything however, I plan to enjoy alcohol on the trip. It is helpful to know that there are meetings on the cruise ship. I will mention it to her.
Thank you guys!
Thank you guys!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Zoe's recovery is Zoe's not shootingstar's responsibility.
I would be direct with her and say I am/will have a glass of wine with dinner if i choose, you truly do not have to own her recovery.
Sounds to me as if this trip maybe more temptation than she can currently handle.
I would be direct with her and say I am/will have a glass of wine with dinner if i choose, you truly do not have to own her recovery.
Sounds to me as if this trip maybe more temptation than she can currently handle.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
I agree with everyone else. I also think she's being completely unrealistic. If being around alcohol is a trigger she shouldn't be getting on a cruise ship. Then again she should also not drive to the grocery store (because there are liquor stores near them), watch tv (there are ads), watch any videos online (also ads), attend weddings or parties of any kind, go to restaurants, and and and. Find a nice way of saying it but her issue is not your problem. I've been in recovery myself for almost a year and I do not expect, nor want people's behavior to change because of me.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
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Originally Posted by BadCompany 
Zoe is a young woman that is going to be in a strange environment and does not want to be the only one in the room not drinking.
Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn't think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland icecap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of Scotch and ruin everything!
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland icecap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of Scotch and ruin everything!
In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but he usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Location: UK
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I've got a lot of sympathy with someone who doesn't want to spend their evenings around a bunch of drunken farts, but I don't see that her demand that you abstain completely is a reasonable one. After all, even if you do - there are going to be others around who will be getting cheerfully oiled.
I have a couple of friends who are recovering alcoholics; I drink when I'm with them, should it be appropriate, but only in my normally restrained way. Strangely, when I'm with someone who's in recovery, I DO become a lot more conscious of quite how boring and repetitive many people are once they've had a few!
I have a couple of friends who are recovering alcoholics; I drink when I'm with them, should it be appropriate, but only in my normally restrained way. Strangely, when I'm with someone who's in recovery, I DO become a lot more conscious of quite how boring and repetitive many people are once they've had a few!
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Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
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If she is requesting you don't drink on a cruise, because she can't, she is not ready for that environment. Even if you don't drink, there will be plenty of others on that ship drinking. What does she plan on, telling the whole ship they can't drink cause SHE is an recovering alcoholic. She "ain't" ready! They have sober cruises and vacations available if you both want to go that route, just saying.
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Kansas
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Originally Posted by Carlotta
With all due respect BadCompany, if Zoe is not on firm grounds with her sobriety then she should be working on her recovery and deffer going on that cruise until she is more stable.
If Zoe had posted the thread that might be the right advice.
I occasionally go on group motorcycle rides. There are certain guys I will not ride with because meal stops tend to get a bit long so they can have an extra drink or two. Sometimes the drinking gets to be the center of the outing. It never bothered me in that I wanted to drink, it is just that it is like sitting around with a group of people that are discussing a book that you have never read. Chances are if they go and Shootingstar drinks, they will not spend much time together, which is probably the point of the trip in the first place.
Behold the power of NO
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: WA
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I understand BadCompany. I have no problems being with social drinkers but I do not go to events which only purpose is to get loaded (therefore I stayed home on NYE by choice rather than because I had no invitations LOL).
I am just curious, why don't you join a sober Biker club? One of my HG members used to ride with one for many years (he stopped due to old age). He always share about what an important part of his journey riding with those guys was.
I am just curious, why don't you join a sober Biker club? One of my HG members used to ride with one for many years (he stopped due to old age). He always share about what an important part of his journey riding with those guys was.
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Join Date: Nov 2014
Posts: 1,222
If your friend if uncomfortable with you drinking on a cruise holiday with her then I think that she is not ready for this kind of holiday. Maybe a sober holiday would be more suitable for her. Did she suggest this to you at any point? Now, if you tend to go and get hammered every day and drink all day every day I can see her point, but then if that is the case she should not choose to go on the trip with you.
From your perspective, it depends on how you view the friendship. If I had a close friend who requested this from me as a favour to them and the friendship was deep and I could sympathise with their struggle I might be happy to make this compromise for them in order to help them. But if you choose to drink on the cruise I don't think its really anything you should not feel bad about as long as you don't rub it in her face.
From your perspective, it depends on how you view the friendship. If I had a close friend who requested this from me as a favour to them and the friendship was deep and I could sympathise with their struggle I might be happy to make this compromise for them in order to help them. But if you choose to drink on the cruise I don't think its really anything you should not feel bad about as long as you don't rub it in her face.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 273
Not sure that this ads anything to the conversation at hand but I've been thinking of this post. I have a relative with gluten and dairy issues. I'm quite sure that she misses foods that have gluten and dairy in them. Have I, having hosted many family events over the years not served foods with those items in them so she doesn't feel bad or be reminded of what she can't have? Honestly I have not. I still serve what I will and keep a dairy and gluten free item on the menu.
I know that as someone in recovery I often want to forget that I am "different" but as part of recovery I also think that acceptance is part of the deal. I'm sorry you were put in an awkward spot and have fun and don't feel badly.
Peace,
Cookies
I know that as someone in recovery I often want to forget that I am "different" but as part of recovery I also think that acceptance is part of the deal. I'm sorry you were put in an awkward spot and have fun and don't feel badly.
Peace,
Cookies
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Join Date: May 2010
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I think it's fine that she expect you not to be hammered. However, I think it's a bit much to ask you to abstain completely. That is just my opinion. This is something she should have thought about BEFORE booking a cruise.
Congrats on your graduation, I hope you have a wonderful time either way!
(As far as any other debates on this thread, we don't need that. Please focus that this person as asked our opinion on this topic, let's keep it to that on this thread. We are here to help and encourage each other.)
Congrats on your graduation, I hope you have a wonderful time either way!
(As far as any other debates on this thread, we don't need that. Please focus that this person as asked our opinion on this topic, let's keep it to that on this thread. We are here to help and encourage each other.)
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