Crystal ball anyone?
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Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
Interesting, she didn't mention daily AA meetings, which are enormous support for those getting sober. Since denial and rationalization are such big issues for alcoholics, we need to remind ourselves we're alcoholics. AA keeps the focus on that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 23
Originally Posted by hopeful4 
Regarding the job, tell her she can quit when she has another job in place. Pretty simple.
It sounds like she has these big plans and it quickly turned into poor me, you are supposto take care of me, you said you would, type of behavior when you disagreed with her. MAJOR RED FLAG.
I would say you should do ALOT of educating yourself on bipolar. She needs to be in a routine all the time. Her plans sound overwhelming. And, I think the counselor is right. A friend of mine w/bipolar has to run on the treadmill each night. She needs the natural endorphins, she also has to be completely exhausted each day to be able to sleep and have any sort of normal in her life.
Bipolar takes a lot of life management, and a HUGE amount of tolerance from the partner. If you are willing to stick with her, I would say that you need to make it clear to her she has to manage her illness. NO DRINKING AT ALL, which is really much harder for a bipolar alcoholic. Take all meds when prescribed, every single day. Stick to the routine. Counseling. Manage sleep cycles. Exercise and stay busy. These all sound pretty simple, but in reality, it is a really big illness to manage. The more she does so for herself and the more she has invested into her own recovery the better.
I don't say any of this to scare you. More just to assist with the thought process on your end.
It sounds like she has these big plans and it quickly turned into poor me, you are supposto take care of me, you said you would, type of behavior when you disagreed with her. MAJOR RED FLAG.
I would say you should do ALOT of educating yourself on bipolar. She needs to be in a routine all the time. Her plans sound overwhelming. And, I think the counselor is right. A friend of mine w/bipolar has to run on the treadmill each night. She needs the natural endorphins, she also has to be completely exhausted each day to be able to sleep and have any sort of normal in her life.
Bipolar takes a lot of life management, and a HUGE amount of tolerance from the partner. If you are willing to stick with her, I would say that you need to make it clear to her she has to manage her illness. NO DRINKING AT ALL, which is really much harder for a bipolar alcoholic. Take all meds when prescribed, every single day. Stick to the routine. Counseling. Manage sleep cycles. Exercise and stay busy. These all sound pretty simple, but in reality, it is a really big illness to manage. The more she does so for herself and the more she has invested into her own recovery the better.
I don't say any of this to scare you. More just to assist with the thought process on your end.
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 258
UGH!
How about she stays at her job until she finds something new, volunteers at an animal shelter that maybe works with therapists offering animal assisted therapy, helps other women in her situation by joining AA or another group and starts working on her book/yoga/ journey to healing in her free time?
When I was a kid I kept pestering my dad for a pony.
Every time I submitted my pony "wishlist" the reply was - "Sure can you get a pony. How you going to make this work?"
Still no pony...
How about she stays at her job until she finds something new, volunteers at an animal shelter that maybe works with therapists offering animal assisted therapy, helps other women in her situation by joining AA or another group and starts working on her book/yoga/ journey to healing in her free time?
When I was a kid I kept pestering my dad for a pony.
Every time I submitted my pony "wishlist" the reply was - "Sure can you get a pony. How you going to make this work?"
Still no pony...
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest, USA
Posts: 2,899
When my ex left the fancy $30K rehab (both times), one of the primary things they advised him to do was get a job. Be out of the house 8 hours a day. If he couldn't find work, he needed to be volunteering -- eight hours a day. Unstructured time is typically a terrible idea for people in early recovery.
Also, an excellent indicator of where a person is in their recovery is how they react when told, "No." Her ability to have an enlightened life, as she tells it, is dependent on your directing the gravy train. I have to say, it's doesn't pass my sniff test. If this was a conversation had by someone who is not undergoing other massive changes in her life and lifestyle, someone with more than a year of recovery under her belt, it might be different, but to me, this sounds like she needs to hide from the real world for whatever reason, and needs you to bankroll it. To me, this feeling is best resolved with time and commitment to recovery. The inability to be uncomfortable is a hallmark characteristic of addicts -- it's something to be worked through, not around.
That said, since you can't manage her recovery for her, I'd just sit back, wait and see. What does she do when you don't intervene and engage? How does she react when you don't offer to save her?
Also, an excellent indicator of where a person is in their recovery is how they react when told, "No." Her ability to have an enlightened life, as she tells it, is dependent on your directing the gravy train. I have to say, it's doesn't pass my sniff test. If this was a conversation had by someone who is not undergoing other massive changes in her life and lifestyle, someone with more than a year of recovery under her belt, it might be different, but to me, this sounds like she needs to hide from the real world for whatever reason, and needs you to bankroll it. To me, this feeling is best resolved with time and commitment to recovery. The inability to be uncomfortable is a hallmark characteristic of addicts -- it's something to be worked through, not around.
That said, since you can't manage her recovery for her, I'd just sit back, wait and see. What does she do when you don't intervene and engage? How does she react when you don't offer to save her?
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