First post
 

This is my first post. I have been coming to your site now for several months reading everyone's posts. Some of them I could have written myself. My AH and I have been married for 20yrs but together for 27. We have 4 beautiful children, 2 girls (17 & 13) and 2 boys (16 & 14). AH has always been a drinker but has gotten progressively worse for the last 6 years. He blames on the fact that I decided to get a job, but I know he would blame it on anything but himself. Thanks to this forum I have learned to start to let go. I no longer get physically sick worrying about him. I am learning not to walk on eggshells. The kids and I talk about what there dad does and how it's a sickness. They no longer go to him with problems, questions, or good news. This breaks my heart because I know how much the man I married loves them. Unfortunately I don't recognize the guy sitting next to me sound asleep snoring because he already had too much. And the lies, oh my gosh!!! Sometimes I just want to ask him if he really thinks I am that STUPID!!! He swore up and down when he got home from the liquor store that he didn't drink anything on the way home. He just brought a bottle home for later. He says this as he has "drunk eyes" and is slurring his words. Do they really think nobody can tell. Geez. Anyway I guess I just finally got up enough nerve to vent. It's so nice and sad at the same time to know others are going through the same thing.

welcome Usetosmile.

Glad you are here.

You will find amazing support, and I am so glad you have chosen to vent and share what you are currently living.

Just want to add, I believe the open lines of communication with your kids is truly the first step, some wise SR member posted, It's the continued lies that keep us all sick that with a whole bunch of other wisdom has stuck in my head.

Hope to be hearing more from You.

Peace, my new friend.

Hi Usetosmile! Welcome to the group. As you already know you will receive lots of guidance here. Most important thing to remember is to take care of you and your beautiful children FIRST!

Taking that first step is hard so congrats! I hope you also look into Alanon as well. It will be great help for you.

I am married to and AH for 17 years now, been together 19. We have two girls. He has been in and out of rehab. Such a roller coaster ride! At the moment the waters are calm, but I will not be fooled. I had become blinded by denial for the past 10 years are so but came back to the program Jan 1st of this year.

Again welcome and I wish you all the best. Keep coming back!

UTS,
Welcome, I am happy that you posted. It feels good to finally open up about the crazyness that is happening in your home. Glad you are reading and detaching. Sounds like you are open with your kids about you AH illness. The best thing you can do is take care of you and your 4 bautiful children. So they will grow up to be healthy and wonderful children.

See if you can find an alanon meeting or an alateen meeting. They are awesome to get some help that way. You can read the stickies and keep posting. Life does calm down once you realize that you can not help the A, but you can help yourself.

(((((((hugs my friend, you all will be ok))))))))))

That's what I have found to be the most exhausting, the covering up and the lies to protect him. It was after finding SR. and reading other posts that I decided enough and started admitting to others that my husband was an A. That was such a relief, like a huge weight off my shoulders. Now I no longer feel the need to pretend things are ok. But I am still working on not engaging with him when he has been drinking. Generally I am quiet about things but lately I guess I have been feeling braver. Tonight he asked me why I am so mean. My response was why are you so drunk. I know I shouldn't have said it and had a moment of fear thinking he would leave and drive off somewhere. But he didn't, he just looked shocked and shook his head at me like I was the one doing wrong. If he could only see himself through my eyes. The man I married would be horrified at the man he has become.

" And the lies, oh my gosh!!! Sometimes I just want to ask him if he really thinks I am that STUPID!!!"

I have the same thoughts about my addicted son.

I'm glad to read that you're making progress in your own freedom. I'm sorry for your children for what they're also going through, but I congratulate you on opening up more and being honest before them. I wish you all well... your husband, too. I hope he finds a better life of sobriety in the future.

My response was why are you so drunk.

This made me laugh, while sitting alone at the table. I needed that! And, I'm laughing because it's something I would say and then I'd get a look.

Welcome, by the way. I'm glad you've decided to join!

Yup,,My AW thinks I am stupid too, She really believes after 18 years I can't tell when she is drunk. The slurred speech is always a dead give away but after all these years there are so many ways to tell.