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-   -   Why am I so F*&% nice to him! (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/356760-why-am-i-so-f-nice-him.html)

alove2nv 01-16-2015 11:20 AM

Why am I so F*&% nice to him!
 
Yeah I fell for it again....his promises. I didn't move back in thank god...but I did go over to the house and spend the night. I needed to feel that I was more important than the alcohol...that lasted all of 24 hours. I let him use my car this week while I was at work (yeah I know stupid me) everything was okay until yesterday.

He was planning on taking the car to look for replacement parts of the things that were broken. Mostly due to him and his fits of drunken anger. He found 1 headlight and something else. Of course I paid for it. I gave him $30. He also got paid yesterday ($320) So I already knew in my mind what was going to happen....and guess what! Surprise, I was right! :c011: He called me around 3pm, I could tell that he has been drinking and so I got upset and just stopped talking to him.

Well he usually picks me up at the ferry. I got off the ferry in the pouring down rain, no umbrella and flimsy shoes on and he isn't there. I text him "hey where are you", he texts back and says your car is parked at the center (6 blocks away) and he didn't drive it....This MF going to tell me he didn't drive my car...when he took me to work I had half a tank! Now I am on E! I don't have $ like that to be spending.

So then after I told him to go F himself in a text, he starts calling and texting me. I don't and am not going to respond. Late last night he puts on Facebook "why should I get married" and that he was uptown Seattle eating Steak!

Really...GTFOH! I don't care if you are eating sushi off a naked Playboy bunny! Let her or anyone else but me deal with your ass!

Why do I keep being nice to him! :headbange UHH

Even this morning I got asked out by someone at my job, and I said NO....my friends think I am crazy and need to out and have fun :tapping...normal fun and conversation....nothing that has anything to do with Alcohol. I know they are right but I can't wrap my head around it yet.

freetosmile 01-16-2015 11:41 AM

YIKES! Serious Jerkwad alert!!

Why do continue being nice to him again?

Oh yeah, I know.....because we are frickin codies. Full fledged C-O-D-I-E!!!

Go no contact and try as hard as you can to keep it that way!!! Don't let him hoover you back in!!

No contact= no new hurts!

Hugs to you...btw- HE DOESN'T DESERVE TO MARRY YOU!!!!!

lillamy 01-16-2015 11:48 AM

You're not more important to him than his drinking.
Nothing is.
Nobody is.
He's an alcoholic.

hopeful4 01-16-2015 12:50 PM

Now you know who he is....I hope this tells you to Stay Away From Him!!!!!!

knowthetriggers 01-16-2015 01:10 PM

His true colors are shining brightly!

marie1960 01-16-2015 02:47 PM

not suggesting you go from the pan to the fire, but i do agree with your friends, you do need to experience some normal fun and conversation.

Don't know how long its been since the two of you have been broken up, but I do not see a problem with meeting for coffee, dessert, a glass of wine, and sit back and savor the normalcy.

Remembering that's what helped me turn the corner and go forward, an adult conversation who didn't sound like he had a mouthful of marbles, absolutely refreshing.

If you are done, be done, go forward, just no more selfish active alcoholics!

chronsweet 01-16-2015 03:48 PM

I add to the above conversations and advice, go out and have fun if you're able. Why not? What is it going to hurt? ((Shrugs))

Reason why I (stupidly) am nice over and over and over to my xABF is because I am co-dependent. I think in my little brain that maybe, just maybe, he will get his S together and be the man I want him to be. He (and most sig others on here) has never been any different than what I have been dealing with for over 7 years. I am actually more messed up than him because at least he won't change or bend his will for me. Hmmmmm, go figure that one out. :D

freetosmile 01-16-2015 03:58 PM


Originally Posted by chronsweet (Post 5142243)
I am actually more messed up than him because at least he won't change or bend his will for me. Hmmmmm, go figure that one out. :D

I don't know about me being more messed up than my AH, but the fact that he won't change or bend is sooo true! We could learn a thing or two from these people! Ha


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