I figured it out!
 

Ha!

I can't believe I didn't realize this before, I'm such an idiot!!

I had a HUGE blow out with my 13 year old son last night. It was NUTS! I mean defiant isn't even a word I would use to describe his behavior. It was outrageous! He said a lot of things that really hurt my feelers. I yelled a lot too. We both cried. It was a MESS!

We both calmed down though, hugged, and made up...so it's all good now.

And of course the day before that was my 12 year old daughter. And then last weekend was my 14 year old daughter.

It hit me last night as I was posting to HMA- I think these kids are freaking out because AH is coming home this weekend. I guess it never even dawned on me until last night.

I plan to sit everyone down and talk to them tonight. Any tips on what I should go over with them?

I would agree with that, FTS. Good catch. I would add that you are probably experiencing similar emotions.

I have no idea. But I think you're right.

Maybe this is the time to tell your AH and his rehab that NOONE wants him home again given his current attitude.

Take care of you and yours FIRST. You can still do this.

ShootingStar1

Well I think I'll start by asking if anyone is nervous about dad coming home. I'm sure I'll get some yes's, so I'll ask them why and address those concerns. I will make sure to tell them all that I love them and that they have the right to feel safe in their own house. I'll tell them if they DON'T feel safe, I want them to come talk to me about it right away. I'll make sure to tell them that they won't be "telling on dad" if they come to me with a concern and that we all need to be sensitive to each others emotions because it might be a little uncomfortable at first.

I guess I'll start with that and see how the conversation goes from there.

I leave tomorrow to go get him. I guess, IMO, that if he comes back with a really crappy attitude and doesn't start working a program right away, and I mean RIGHT away...I'm just going to call it. I feel strong enough to ask him to leave. And granted I'm ASSUMING a lot here. I guess I don't really have the right to assume that he is going to be an jerkwad, but history generally repeats it'self unless he really has learned. But like fandy said yesterday.....he didn't seem to make a whole lot of progress in rehab. But that is between AH and his HP. I'm staying out of his progress. If it starts to effect me and the children, I will NOT mess around. Him and I BOTH know we are leaning more towards divorce at this point and neither of us are really resentful about it. It's just the way it is now and we both accept it. So if I see something I don't like or if I begin to feel unsafe, I will ask him to leave. I feel like I can stand firm in that resolve. I HAVE to. It's the only way to true freedom.

Sounds good, I think you have a pretty good handle on things.... especially considering the breakdowns! It makes sense though - they must be feeling really confused & overwhelmed. ((((HUGS)))))

Let them know you are uneasy too, total transparency will only work in your favor, IMO. If you want them to show vulnerability you have to model it for them first, right? Remind them that your door remains open to them for any & all questions & that NO question or feeling is too dumb or insignificant to discuss.

I wish someone had seen my outbursts for what they really were. Instead I was labeled the problem child with a ****** attitude, ungrateful, entitled, and the list goes on. Good on you, mama. You're putting your kids and yourself first, where you belong. (((Hugs)))