And Now Xah Has Hired Our Daughter Her Own Lawyer
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And Now Xah Has Hired Our Daughter Her Own Lawyer
I don't have the energy for this. When she told me last week I almost laughed, which sent my 14 year old daughter off in tears because she felt that I didn't care. I don't know, but he has done so many harmful, crazy things that I am losing my ability to react. If he was about to run me over with a bus, I might not react then, either.
And I wanted to try to teach DD14 that we don't have to get crazy every time Xah does another whacko thing to stir up our home. Can't we just laugh at his pathetic attempts to get attention and stir up trouble?
Why a lawyer, you're wondering? So she can move in with him, back to the States. Except that she doesn't want to live with him and she doesn't want to live in the US any longer. For a few months there she really wanted to return. Before that she wanted to go to boarding school somewhere else in Europe. Now she wants to be where she is.
Xah must be feeling desperate to force us back with his starvation tactic not going his way. I mean, he has earned yet more enormous sums this year, but we are barely getting by. But still no matter what he does, I am not leaving and the children don't want to. So he is getting more creative I guess.
I am not feeling so great today. Friends and family have kept me together, but I worry that xah won't stop until he has destroyed us.
And I wanted to try to teach DD14 that we don't have to get crazy every time Xah does another whacko thing to stir up our home. Can't we just laugh at his pathetic attempts to get attention and stir up trouble?
Why a lawyer, you're wondering? So she can move in with him, back to the States. Except that she doesn't want to live with him and she doesn't want to live in the US any longer. For a few months there she really wanted to return. Before that she wanted to go to boarding school somewhere else in Europe. Now she wants to be where she is.
Xah must be feeling desperate to force us back with his starvation tactic not going his way. I mean, he has earned yet more enormous sums this year, but we are barely getting by. But still no matter what he does, I am not leaving and the children don't want to. So he is getting more creative I guess.
I am not feeling so great today. Friends and family have kept me together, but I worry that xah won't stop until he has destroyed us.
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For clarity's sake, DD14 never asked him for help to move back to the US. Nor did she ask for a lawyer. And with no discussion, he apparently went out and got her one. And sent her the name and contact information.
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What is he doing to her? He got her a debit card that he puts money into for clothes, movies, etc while her siblings need new clothes too and I have debt collectors at the door. He exposes her to the pic of his privates. He kisses her goodnight with the smell of marijuana so strong on his breathe it brings tears to her eyes. He lets her cat die last year without telling her until she came back to find it gone. And he hires her a lawyer to try to separate her from her mother and siblings so that she can live with him in that big isolated house with him in the middle of nowhere?!
Maybe I was only laughing it off because I just couldn't handle it then. Feeling overwhelmed.
Maybe I was only laughing it off because I just couldn't handle it then. Feeling overwhelmed.
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This happened last summer in the US. She told me when she returned that he gave her the photos on his phone to look at and there it was. She was traumatized so I took her to a therapist and the pediatrician. The therapist and pediatrician wrote to the judge. The judge ruled to put the whole family in 15 hours of therapy with a psychiatrist. In the meantime, he had two more one-week visits with the children unsupervised.
He met with the psychiatrist in December, I just went and so did the younger two. The older two go in February. This will be finished in May, after two more week-long children's visits with their father. Then the psychiatrist will tell the judge what he thinks should happen.
This puts my custody of the children at risk.
This has been h**l, having no way to protect my daughter. The domestic violence people and the yourh services protection agency told me to keep her away from him, the others, too. But the judge is letting this continue.
He met with the psychiatrist in December, I just went and so did the younger two. The older two go in February. This will be finished in May, after two more week-long children's visits with their father. Then the psychiatrist will tell the judge what he thinks should happen.
This puts my custody of the children at risk.
This has been h**l, having no way to protect my daughter. The domestic violence people and the yourh services protection agency told me to keep her away from him, the others, too. But the judge is letting this continue.
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Well Pippi, I think he's trying a "divide and conquer" strategy since nothing else is working. No doubt it is all part of the custody thing--he must see some advantage
to getting at least one child "on his side". From what you say, it won't work.
If dangling money etc. isn't going to entice your daughter to leave, it will fail and he will make as azz of himself as usual.
He's managed to stir you up and you have certainly picked up your end of the rope emotionally. Is it helping the situation?
He does what he does. How are you taking care of yourself, and what can you do to distance yourself from what you cannot control?
to getting at least one child "on his side". From what you say, it won't work.
If dangling money etc. isn't going to entice your daughter to leave, it will fail and he will make as azz of himself as usual.
He's managed to stir you up and you have certainly picked up your end of the rope emotionally. Is it helping the situation?
He does what he does. How are you taking care of yourself, and what can you do to distance yourself from what you cannot control?
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Mostly, I am good, but today not so. It is a lot of work to keep my chin up some days. The people in my life give me a lot of good energy that usually keeps me strong. But I just found out that I am very anemic again. I forgot to eat certain foods over the holidays, and stress, too much coffee, not enough conscientiousness on my part, and I am back to irregular heart beat and heavy fatigue. Now that I am on it I should recover in a few weeks.
I should have known better!
I should have known better!
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They don't have these ad litems here, unfortunately.
This has all dragged on for so long. It makes the children and I weary of the whole thing. We get to acting like all of this craziness is normal. And society trusts the legal system to help people like us out. Well, the legal fees have taken all the money and there's been no help. Only lots of time, effort wasted and a sense of hopelessness.
This has all dragged on for so long. It makes the children and I weary of the whole thing. We get to acting like all of this craziness is normal. And society trusts the legal system to help people like us out. Well, the legal fees have taken all the money and there's been no help. Only lots of time, effort wasted and a sense of hopelessness.
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I am sorry Pippi. It sounds like he is becoming more and more unstable.
Question, is the attorney he hired in the states? Because in the states there are ad litems, and you can communicate via Skype or whatever. I would make sure that the psychiatrist knows all of this as anyone worth their salt will see this for what it is. Your daughter is old enough to speak for herself and a judge to listen to her wishes.
Tight, tight hugs my friend. Breathe. Eat healthy. Get some rest.
Much love and big hugs coming your way!
Question, is the attorney he hired in the states? Because in the states there are ad litems, and you can communicate via Skype or whatever. I would make sure that the psychiatrist knows all of this as anyone worth their salt will see this for what it is. Your daughter is old enough to speak for herself and a judge to listen to her wishes.
Tight, tight hugs my friend. Breathe. Eat healthy. Get some rest.
Much love and big hugs coming your way!
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Hugs Pippi, I wish I had some advice to offer.
All I can say is take one moment at a time. Its over whelming looking at the "big" picture. Live for right now and tackle what you have to do today. Keep your lines of communication open for all your kids and let them know that Dad suffers from a disease. That he is not well and you will do everything in your power to take care of them and stay together as a family. If Dad says something or does something that bothers them they definitely can tell you anything and you won't get angry.
((((((((((hugs to you and your kids))))))))))))
This to shall pass!!!!!
All I can say is take one moment at a time. Its over whelming looking at the "big" picture. Live for right now and tackle what you have to do today. Keep your lines of communication open for all your kids and let them know that Dad suffers from a disease. That he is not well and you will do everything in your power to take care of them and stay together as a family. If Dad says something or does something that bothers them they definitely can tell you anything and you won't get angry.
((((((((((hugs to you and your kids))))))))))))
This to shall pass!!!!!
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He hired her a lawyer? So what. If she's not interested in that lawyer or in whatever carrot her alcoholic, crazy-ass father is dangling in front of her face, she can say so to that lawyer, her father, and the court. This is another drunken hijink and a last ditch effort that will shoot him in the foot.
Instead of despairing and letting your physical and mental health take a hit, take a step back and look at this. Really look at this.
He hired a lawyer for one of the kids in a highly contentious international divorce. One daughter of four children. The one he sexually abused earlier this year. He has a debit card for her so she can buy treats and trinkets for herself, while the rest of his kids struggle on their mom's low income. I mean, really??? Let EVERY SINGLE judge and lawyer and friend and social worker and family member and coworker know what BS he is up to. This abuse THRIVES in your fear and silence. He will back off these crazy feats when he sees that you and the kids are immune to his BS. Meanwhile, make sure that you, your actions, your behavior, and your words are untouchable by him, that whatever he can criticize you for, you have a complete, feasible, and reasonable explanation for.
You're in the end zone, he's going to amp up the crazy through the end of this process. Keep holding on, buck up, get serious, and get your ducks in a row.
Instead of despairing and letting your physical and mental health take a hit, take a step back and look at this. Really look at this.
He hired a lawyer for one of the kids in a highly contentious international divorce. One daughter of four children. The one he sexually abused earlier this year. He has a debit card for her so she can buy treats and trinkets for herself, while the rest of his kids struggle on their mom's low income. I mean, really??? Let EVERY SINGLE judge and lawyer and friend and social worker and family member and coworker know what BS he is up to. This abuse THRIVES in your fear and silence. He will back off these crazy feats when he sees that you and the kids are immune to his BS. Meanwhile, make sure that you, your actions, your behavior, and your words are untouchable by him, that whatever he can criticize you for, you have a complete, feasible, and reasonable explanation for.
You're in the end zone, he's going to amp up the crazy through the end of this process. Keep holding on, buck up, get serious, and get your ducks in a row.
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The judges side with the money.
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