Timeiskey

Yesterday was a very hard day. Step 1: I am powerless over others...my life has become unmanageable. Yesterday, I spiraled in my mind over a job promotion that was basically promised to me...but there is uncertainty and due to the situation, it might end with me losing half my salary for a about a month or two. This freaked me out. As I was working through this issue, my aunt called me for help with my cousin's class schedule...on a normal day, I have very little tolerance for the hand holding that goes on with my cousin. So, I was less than polite when I was abruptly put on the phone with her academic advisor. It was a tough morning. In the evening, my aunt called me to chew me out for embarrassing her...I think she was being dramatic, but in my Codi fashion, I spiraled again thinking about upsetting her. THEN I went to walk my dog and I saw my ex ABF's new lady's car outside, the lights were on in his bedroom and living room and he was gone to a gig, which means she was inside on her own waiting for him to come home. It was so incredibly hard.

My question is, are any of you finding that it isn't just the situation with your ex that is hard to handle? It seems like I have no grounding in my life. It is like I can't properly and with adult maturity get through stress at all. Perhaps I am finally recognizing the second half of step 1...but man, my life has become unmanageable. I keep telling myself "sixteen days, sixteen days and then I move..." God, it can't come fast enough.

Eauchiche

YES, YES, YES!!!
Several big potential changes.
I have had some rough evenings too. Partly, because I can't go to my alky mate for support, moral or otherwise.
Our higher power will get us through this. Hang in there!!!

knowthetriggers

Well I don't have an "X" but an AH. At the moment the waters are calm. But I have to agree that I do feel like it is all closing in on me at one time.

You did good, you revisited the 1st step. I find that writing in my journal or venting to myself (out loud if necessary) helps me to get thru the situation.

I am a believer in taking a moment to myself to think before I react.

Take care of you...

~Triggers

Timeiskey

Thanks Triggers...a good friend mentioned to me yesterday when I was panicking about the job that "you're funny, you make rash decisions and regret later ...ugh, that was a deep cut but probably kinda true. The thing is that my exABF is just one in a long line of the same cycle going back to my childhood. As I start working the steps, I find it all incredibly overwhelming. I wonder, "how am I going to be able to really learn to live a new way after 38 years?" this is a tough process, and I am so thankful to be able to come here for support.

SparkleKitty

When I started therapy and began to realize the extent of my own issues life did appear to get more unmanageable, but ultimately, it was more that life had been that way for a long time, I was just shedding myself of the unsustainable and unhealthy coping mechanisms in favor of healthier ones like strong boundaries and self-care.

When I felt particularly on the edge I just had to remind myself that I was not going to feel like that forever. One way or another it would pass, and I would deal with each thing as best I could, one day at a time.

GracieLou

Yes! It can be anything.

Eating, cleaning, working, shopping...I go off the chart either one way or the other. I seem to have no middle ground. It is either not enough or way to much. Same with worrying. Either I am spinning like a top for days or I feel numb and don't really feel anything good or bad. Like I am stuck in neutral.

If I wait, which I hate to do!, the real issue usually reveals itself and I can get back on track. I still have the issue to deal with but at least I ain't bouncing around like a ping pong ball anymore.

RollTide

I can totally relate. I learned that I can handle most any crisis but throw three or four at me and I feel overwhelmed.

Hugs to you.

Timeiskey

Yes Sparkle. I was having a major panic attack last night and I told myself, well, if I am not laying on the floor bawling over seeing a woman at my ex's house, then that means I have made progress with that pain, so hopefully this really big pain about this larger issue will also become less and less over time... I think that moving will help me equal out a bit. Living behind my ex has become like an emotional prison and trying to get out to get to my car or to walk my dog, is like trying to make my way through a minefield!

I wish there were more CODA meetings here, but I should probably try to supplement with one of the MANY Al Anon meetings.

You are also right, I am taking healthier measures to deal with my issues and that means it is painful.

NYCDoglvr

Of course, everyone does. Some days are really aggravating. What I try to do is reel my mind back in to get rid of all the noise and clutter. I'm powerless over a great deal but is there any action I can take right now? I pray and turn all of the messes to God to figure out (even better, write God a letter, which really works well). Take a shower, watch something on Netflix. And yes, run to Alanon. Regarding ex's new girlfriend, say "better her than me!" A dumb cliche helped too: "a leopard doesn't change his spots!"

You're doing great!

Chantal88

Time-

I never attended any al-anon classes or did any "steps" so I can't give you advice in that regard, but I can certainly relate to not feeling grounded.

I know what it's like to have classic codependent behavior, I used to spend more time fretting about the choices of other people instead of focusing that time and energy on myself. I don't know everything about your cousin or her class schedule, but why were you involved in that? It seems like something that would be completely unrelated to you.

I learned that in order to change my situation I really had to look at myself and get to the root of what was making me unhappy. I found out that it was ME. I was creating all the chaos and stress around me. I was attracting it and chosing to become wrapped up and engaged in it. This realization was difficult for me, because I saw that I had wasted so much of my life not really living - but it was also freeing.

One thing you may find in your recovery is that you are unable to handle all the stress in your life because you keep creating more and more stress. Everyone has bad things happen in their lives - this is a given. But if you notice, some people seem to have bad thing after bad thing happen to them. They never get out of it. The closer you look, the more you realize that most of what befalls them is of their own making.

I hope I'm making some sense.

hopeful4

Oh yes. Single mom here. Overwhelmed on a regular basis.

I have learned to breathe and slow way down. Really, it does help. Not to speak immediately off the cuff like I am prone to do but think about things, sometimes for days before making a decision. And to let some things go, I just cannot fit it all in sometimes and that is ok.

And keep counting those days, that will make a HUGE difference in such a positive way for you!