hopeful4

So, most of you know my backstory. Two girls, ages 9 and 15. Alcoholic father who has caused them much pain. Both in counseling.

My kids do pretty well. We communicate very well and they are pretty open and honest with me. For the past few days, my eldest DD has just flipped a switch. She is normally pretty happy go lucky. Now, she is crying a lot and very depressed. She has told me, her best friend, her boyfriend, her counselor, and her sister that she does not know what's wrong. She told the counselor that she knows I want to know what's wrong and if she knew she would tell me, but she does not know.

It's very difficult to see my happy girl go to miserable like this, especially so quickly. My mom and I both think something else is going on, but if she, she is not telling. I asked her if anyone was doing anything inappropriate or harming her, she said, "good grief, no mom."

She is in counseling. Her counselor advised me to make her a doctor's apt which I have scheduled for Monday. I don't know what else to do for her. I am also afraid this will cause depression for her sister b/c my little DD gets many of her actions from her older sister.

Advise...anyone else been through this??? Help!

LexieCat

I might be mostly just plain adolescence. Not that you shouldn't stay alert for things that seem WAY off base, but really, extreme moodiness is pretty normal at this age. It doesn't sound like anything is an emergency just yet, so give it a couple of weeks and see if it passes.

You've expressed your concern and asked one of the scariest questions, so maybe back off a bit. Kids have their own inner world and they have to figure it out the same way we did. You've got her in counseling, too, so she's in good hands.

FireSprite

It really does sound hormonal. Does she have stresses ramping up in other areas of her life? More college-talk, increase difficulty in classes or extra-curricular's? Has anything changed in her routines that could be making her feel so "off"? Earlier mornings, later nights, started a PT job?

((((HUGS))))) Mama!

hopeful4

I was thinking maybe hormonal as well. She puts herself under a lot of stress at school as she herself hard. New semester, so a few class changes. Their great grandmother passed last week, but according to her this was going on before that, a couple of weeks. They always have the stress of their father, and that unfortunately is not going to change.

Ugh. I just wish there were something I could do for her.

FireSprite

Sign her up for a yoga or guided meditation class? DD takes both & they make a world of difference in how she manages internal stress.

lillamy

One of my girls was diagnosed with depression shortly after the divorce. She was in therapy for about six months until the therapist said she recommended seeing a psychiatrist, because she thought my daughter was clinically depressed and might need medication.

She's still suffering from anxiety and depression, and it's been tricky to get the balance of medications and therapy right. I would say that she and I have an almost unhealthily close relationship (more like an 8-year-old than a 15-year-old) -- and yet, there are things she cannot talk to me about. We are currently on outpatient therapist #4 and have finally found someone she is completely comfortable with, and making strides with.

I would definitely take her to a doctor, and also try to assess whether this is depression or "just" teen hormones. I mean, I remember being sad a lot when I was a teen, for no apparent reason. But there's a difference between being hormonally sad and crying a lot, and being depressed to the point where it affects your ability to function.

Florence

Lots of hugs and positive talk, special time with her, a movie night, a little gift, her favorite dinner, something that makes her smile.

We have a lot of stress at my house, I just make sure that DS15 SEES that I will go the extra mile for him and that I love him and that I go out of my way to carve out a little space for him no matter what.

Thumper

I have teenagers. Boys. I have my own set of concerns that grow by the day. They are very different though. I wish I had some advice but - I got nothing.

I hope it all smooths out. Parenting teens is turning out to be so so worrisome.

Rosiepetal

Sounds hormonal to me.
My daughter is 14 & the flip switch has started to happen.
She is a great kid but I've noticed sudden changes which is out of character.
I put it down to hormones because she flips the switch back again.

Katchie

I know I have 4 boys, but, they're all boys! They are so different! Thinking back to when I was that age I was pretty hormonal. Trying to figure things out and who I was.

Hugs.. I know you will figure it out. She's going to be fine because she has you!

SeriousKarma

Teenagers are weird.

Right when they finally have all the intellectual and verbal skills to articulate their needs they suddenly stop using them.

I think the best you can do is keep on keeping on. Make sure the doors stay open. My daughter will tell me everything is fine time after time after time, and then .... bam! She comes out with something. I don't think it's that she means to be withholding. I just think she doesn't fully know what 's happening in her own head. It scares her. She's still remembering and processing things that happened to her years ago.

As far as the little sister goes: My hunch is that she's going to be tracking how you deal with this. If you move forward with a sense of calm purpose she's probably going to handle it fine. Her older sister has influence, but so do you. And in a crisis situation (which this kind of is) she'll look to you for guidance. Just a thought. But being a little sister is part of my resume, so I thought I'd put that out there.

Sending tight hugs your way for both you and your daughter (and little sis as well).

Stung

I have no advice (my 2 DDs are way younger) but I'm sending you hugs. I think you're a great mom and it sounds like you're gently trying to do everything you can to make sure she's well.