Help for 2nd DUI
I don't think that is true.
I'm sorry.
Don't go to far. There is room for everyone here.
This is difficult. I should, in the interests of transparency, reveal that this post is about my wife. I have been visiting SR multiple times every day for months now and, although I rarely post, it has given me enormous understanding and strength. So thank you to all the regular posters for that.
I will take a break from SR now; it is time for my wife's family to learn what you all have to offer.
I will take a break from SR now; it is time for my wife's family to learn what you all have to offer.
Don't go to far. There is room for everyone here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 57
My husband had a dwi with a bac of .28. It was extra tough because he was 3X over the legal limit. I would like to see more responsibility on the service industry who over serve intoxicated people. My husbands 2nd dwi was much, much worse than his 1rst. He even had to perform community service picking up garbage off the highway.
I'm sorry for all the hurt this has caused to all the family.
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codependent who has/had loved ones who are addicts.
What I've learned is that allowing the person to deal with their consequences worked better than anything else I went through. I was dearly loved, still am but my loved ones said "that's it, we won't be a part of letting you do this".
As far as blaming the service industry? I understand your anger, Mylaststraw. However, an alcoholic or addict will go to ANY means to get their poison. I spent time in jail and did community service - I deserved it!! It taught me I didn't ever want to do that again.
In recovery, I've lost my XABF who died of the addiction we shared; I did futile CPR on my stepmom who died of an OD about 20 feet from where I slept.
They didn't want to hear about recovery, they wanted to use. I'm going on 8 years in recovery, they're gone. I don't know why *I* got it, and they didn't, but I do know that I had no part in enabling them and had detached as much as possible, and I'm okay with that. My dad is still dealing with enabling my stepmom and the guilt that comes with that.
Just my 2 cents, and I do pray for every addict/alcoholic still out there, as well as for their families.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codependent who has/had loved ones who are addicts.
What I've learned is that allowing the person to deal with their consequences worked better than anything else I went through. I was dearly loved, still am but my loved ones said "that's it, we won't be a part of letting you do this".
As far as blaming the service industry? I understand your anger, Mylaststraw. However, an alcoholic or addict will go to ANY means to get their poison. I spent time in jail and did community service - I deserved it!! It taught me I didn't ever want to do that again.
In recovery, I've lost my XABF who died of the addiction we shared; I did futile CPR on my stepmom who died of an OD about 20 feet from where I slept.
They didn't want to hear about recovery, they wanted to use. I'm going on 8 years in recovery, they're gone. I don't know why *I* got it, and they didn't, but I do know that I had no part in enabling them and had detached as much as possible, and I'm okay with that. My dad is still dealing with enabling my stepmom and the guilt that comes with that.
Just my 2 cents, and I do pray for every addict/alcoholic still out there, as well as for their families.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm sorry for all the hurt this has caused to all the family.
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codependent who has/had loved ones who are addicts.
What I've learned is that allowing the person to deal with their consequences worked better than anything else I went through. I was dearly loved, still am but my loved ones said "that's it, we won't be a part of letting you do this".
As far as blaming the service industry? I understand your anger, Mylaststraw. However, an alcoholic or addict will go to ANY means to get their poison. I spent time in jail and did community service - I deserved it!! It taught me I didn't ever want to do that again.
In recovery, I've lost my XABF who died of the addiction we shared; I did futile CPR on my stepmom who died of an OD about 20 feet from where I slept.
They didn't want to hear about recovery, they wanted to use. I'm going on 8 years in recovery, they're gone. I don't know why *I* got it, and they didn't, but I do know that I had no part in enabling them and had detached as much as possible, and I'm okay with that. My dad is still dealing with enabling my stepmom and the guilt that comes with that.
Just my 2 cents, and I do pray for every addict/alcoholic still out there, as well as for their families.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
I'm a recovering addict and a recovering codependent who has/had loved ones who are addicts.
What I've learned is that allowing the person to deal with their consequences worked better than anything else I went through. I was dearly loved, still am but my loved ones said "that's it, we won't be a part of letting you do this".
As far as blaming the service industry? I understand your anger, Mylaststraw. However, an alcoholic or addict will go to ANY means to get their poison. I spent time in jail and did community service - I deserved it!! It taught me I didn't ever want to do that again.
In recovery, I've lost my XABF who died of the addiction we shared; I did futile CPR on my stepmom who died of an OD about 20 feet from where I slept.
They didn't want to hear about recovery, they wanted to use. I'm going on 8 years in recovery, they're gone. I don't know why *I* got it, and they didn't, but I do know that I had no part in enabling them and had detached as much as possible, and I'm okay with that. My dad is still dealing with enabling my stepmom and the guilt that comes with that.
Just my 2 cents, and I do pray for every addict/alcoholic still out there, as well as for their families.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,252
I'm those that see the 2nd DUI as a problem in itself. The alkie/addict here got nervous because during his 2nd DUI(at least) sentence they had his lifetime driving record including a decades old DUI. He basically had to talk his way out of further counseling or rehab appealing to supervisors during his sentence. Point being second or another DUI is a problem and is seen as such by many professionals.
Accident involved including leaving the scene not good either.
Good Luck
Accident involved including leaving the scene not good either.
Good Luck
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Detroit MI
Posts: 28
I had a DUI in college. At the same time as my court date, a 19 year old who blew a .30 was there and what the judge said to him I'll never forget:
At .30 you should barely be able to walk, let alone drive a car. If at .30 you thought you could still drive, you have a problem. The fact that you could physically get to the car, start it and not immediately crash means you're now a functioning drunk.
I don't want to be mean, but realistic. A woman can die at .32 and a man can't walk at .30. You're right, your sister has a problem, but there's nothing you can do to help her but give her the room to help herself. A second DUI may be a good start. Suggest she discuss rehab with her lawyer for her consequences, not just signing in and out of AA meetings.
(hugs) I know this must be scary for you!
At .30 you should barely be able to walk, let alone drive a car. If at .30 you thought you could still drive, you have a problem. The fact that you could physically get to the car, start it and not immediately crash means you're now a functioning drunk.
I don't want to be mean, but realistic. A woman can die at .32 and a man can't walk at .30. You're right, your sister has a problem, but there's nothing you can do to help her but give her the room to help herself. A second DUI may be a good start. Suggest she discuss rehab with her lawyer for her consequences, not just signing in and out of AA meetings.
(hugs) I know this must be scary for you!
Family communication is really important. IME, addicts play family off of one another so they can maintain space to manipulate everyone depending on how they need them, particularly sympathy and money.
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